Ok, so I probably won't be turning into Darth Vader anytime soon. Just a little purging of the ego and a bit of fresh air in the shadows. You know in the whole of February I only posted on this blog 5 times. There are still nearly two weeks of March left and already I think this is number 18; that's quite some going and represents a considerable input of time and energy. Obviously I felt I had something I wanted to express and at least a couple of people seemed to like it.
Maybe my blog writing will slow down now (or maybe not). Yesterday, during and after a Werner Satsang, I had the experience of residing as energy. That is I was still walking around in my body, but my mind/thoughts were as if evaporated into the energy which precedes them. It seemed that there is this life-energy (prana/chi) and 'we' use this life energy to form the structure of our mind/thoughts.
I seemed to be experiencing the state of energy prior and was conscious of the tendency for this energy to take the form of thoughts and solidify as mind (and a particular view of the world). A. Ramana (Big Tex) said in one of his satsangs that Consciousness becomes energy and energy becomes matter, so we have to retrace our steps and go back the way we came.
All this talk about 'embodied beingness' I've been going on about seems to relate to a particular configuration of energy pertaining to the body-mind. I relate to 'embodied beingness' as a strong energy field which comprises a subtle aspect of this human form; of which we are normally unaware. So, abiding in the natural awareness of embodied beingness is a deeply pleasant experience of stillness and groundedness which is certainly captivating to the attention and keeps one pretty much in the present moment.
Meditating upon the energy or the body or the breath are all valid methods of meditation which help us to step back from thinking and to be more conscious in the present moment. Maintaining a relaxed focus on something which is naturally occuring within us, and repeatedly bringing our attention back there when it wanders, acts as a valuable anchor to the present moment.
This can be very worthwhile and beneficial in itself and it can also be a helpful precursor to actual self-inquiry.
Because energy or energy fields are something which can be percieved then they are not who I am. They comprise a subtle aspect of my vehicle in this existence but what is that which is aware even of this? What is that pure awareness beyond any percievable experience?
Who is experiencing this? I am. Who am I?
Behind the scenes is this feeling-sense of 'I' which is the subject of all experience. Becoming aware of that, however vaguely at first, and following that scent trail one-pointedly with our attention, is said to be the means which leads us back into the pure awareness which is prior to all thought, all energy, all relative experience.
Even our everyday sense of 'me', as mixed up with all kinds of identification as it is, is said to have at it's core the reality of the pure feeling-sense of 'I' which is the reflection of the true 'I AM' or Transcendental Pure Existence/Consciousness/Bliss; the Self.
Indeed it is said to be only because of this fact that our usual sense of 'me' has any sense of reality at all, and why by following this clue of 'I-ness' we are able to find our way back to the source.
And so what remains...........?
What remains of the individual being when all the rubbish falls away? I asked this question to Werner in relation to the fear of annihilation. To paraphrase him he said that what remain is the true essence of who you are beyond any psychological or emotional crap. Good riddance to it!
There is an opening to our transcendental universal nature which is then expressed through our own unique individual essence. Unity within diversity. Individuality within universality. Satchitananda in reflection. As above, so below.
Werner often advises that there is nothing we can do to Be That which we already Are, but that what we can do is to make ourselves available; and that much we are asked to do.