day by day

Namaste everybody. The last few days have seen a few internal ups and downs as is to be expected. The space in the well was always there but in excavating the space many rocks are sure to be encountered, however all is well.

I've continued going to Sri Mooji's Satsangs in the mornings and enjoy them very much, finding no conflict with my exisiting approach. I find him to be a wise, compassionate being who is able to relate to people on a very human, inclusive and equal basis.

Today I went up in front and asked some questions. In the anticipation my heart was beating fast and yet there was a calm. I asked him questions relating to self esteem and self realisation, readiness for realisation, my own experience of self-enquiry and how to end personal suffering. There was no cataclysmic eureka moment when I was up there but I feel he gave me good answers.

To summarise; there is no real pattern of readiness for realisation, Consciousness or the Self has it's own agenda. During my own session with him and in the following sessions I found a great affirmation that there are many valid pathways to Truth and in the expression of Truth, each with it's own flavour. There are devotional feeling centred pathways and there are mind centred knowledge pathways.

Finding myself somewhere in the middle of that spectrum, and having tasted several viewpoints, can lead to a good deal of confusion. Somehow, I felt a healing of different aspects of myself and a renewal of faith.

One of the core idea's that has plagued me is that somehow I am responsible for waking myself up. Surely there is a place for this but in the end how can the illusionary self dispell itself? I felt a relaxation and a deepening of trust that there is a Higher Power to which one can take recourse and in that find rest from the never-ending demands of the ego-mind. Surrender if you will.

An all-inclusive Higher Power which is both within and without.

Life proceeds day to day. I am generally waking and doing some yoga things for the body and breath and then passing the day with Satsang, eating papaya, drinking fresh coconut juice and spending time at the Ramana Ashram in the meditation hall or circumambulating in the shrine room with devotional or vedic chanting going on.

Sometimes there is stillness, sometimes there are pleasant feelings and sometimes there is restlessness or agitation. I try to take it all as it comes.