awareness of being is its own fulfillment
so abide as that and be happy
all else is mind
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
on not breaking on through to the other side
So I had what to me was a rather profound insight which has revolutionised my view on things.
I had been seeing the qualities of awareness and of embodied beingness (I am) as being at two ends of a spectrum of subjective experience. To me this spectrum was still within the realm of mind and body and I was striving to somehow transcend it and to experience what I have taken to be the Pure Self - Pure Consciousness beyond space and time.
I wasn't sure whether I should try to plumb the deepest depths of embodied beingness or to try to scale the highest heights of disembodied awareness or to try and do both at the same time!
I was somehow trying to push and pull and stretch this big elastic band of inner experience, attempting to provoke a break through into the Ultimate! I didn't succeed!
Now I can see the error of my ways and am reformed.
Since time immemorial, from the testimony of the Sages, this 'thing' we call the Self has been attributed with three essential qualities; that of Sat, Chit and Anand, or Existence, Consciousness and Bliss.
As above, so below. So we find these three essential qualities reflected in our human experience. Sat, as the sense of individual existence (I am), Chit, as the capacity to be aware and to know, and Anand, as the capacity to feel deep contentment, unconditional love and connectedness.
Somehow we have not been aware of our true nature and our sense of individual existence has become mixed up in mind identification; we have lost touch with our inherent sense of fulfillment and so we seek to try and find it through objective knowledge and the situations and circumstances of this apparent world.
What I realised was that the sense of embodied beingness (I am) is not a separate quality from the awareness of it. Nor are they two aspects of some kind of linear continuum.
No they are both inherent and inseparable qualities of the Self (in reflection), so my attempts to try and find the Self by trying to isolate, separate and transcend its essential qualities was doomed to failure.
The missing quality was Anand (bliss or concentrated happiness). The only good reason really to try to find the Self is because one is trying to find some kind of deep lasting happiness, so what if in my strenuous attempts I was actually short circuiting the possibility all along?
The three essential qualities of the Self are Sat, Chit and Anand so I had the insight that maybe the key is not in trying to separate or exaggerate the qualities of awareness and beingness but in the simple resting in the natural awareness of beingness.
Funnily enough that turned out to be quite blissful! Not the least because now my mind finally had a satisfying explanation and could let go. It was like letting go of an elastic band which one is stretching and it suddenly snaps back to it's own natural shape.
And the natural shape of our true nature is Satchitananda. I'm not saying that I realised the Self but I feel that I may have stumbled upon a key to relaxing in the mystery.
As above, so below. Satchitananda as the Self; Satchitananda as a human. My reasoning and intuition tell me that by naturally abiding in this experience then the process of whatever needs to happen will unfold naturally by itself.
Or rather Consciousness will take care of Consciousness for the revelation of Consciousness! If any deepening of being, heightening of awareness or intensification of bliss needs to happen then let Consciousness take care of it.
Anyway that's my latest theory and at the very least I think I have uncovered a bloody good meditation approach (it definitely won't be anything new but it is a new revelation to me - at least in its conscious appreciation).
Satchitananda
P.S. 13/3/09 After the initial exhilaration of this discovery I will add that Ramana Maharishi cautions against becoming absorbed and plateau-ing in pleasant states. They are a good sign of progress but one should keep up the enquiry and transcend even these until one finally reaches to Pure Transcendental Consciousness beyond the sense of individual 'I am'. See postings 'down the road a bit' and 'towards the end of the road' 12th March.
I had been seeing the qualities of awareness and of embodied beingness (I am) as being at two ends of a spectrum of subjective experience. To me this spectrum was still within the realm of mind and body and I was striving to somehow transcend it and to experience what I have taken to be the Pure Self - Pure Consciousness beyond space and time.
I wasn't sure whether I should try to plumb the deepest depths of embodied beingness or to try to scale the highest heights of disembodied awareness or to try and do both at the same time!
I was somehow trying to push and pull and stretch this big elastic band of inner experience, attempting to provoke a break through into the Ultimate! I didn't succeed!
Now I can see the error of my ways and am reformed.
Since time immemorial, from the testimony of the Sages, this 'thing' we call the Self has been attributed with three essential qualities; that of Sat, Chit and Anand, or Existence, Consciousness and Bliss.
As above, so below. So we find these three essential qualities reflected in our human experience. Sat, as the sense of individual existence (I am), Chit, as the capacity to be aware and to know, and Anand, as the capacity to feel deep contentment, unconditional love and connectedness.
Somehow we have not been aware of our true nature and our sense of individual existence has become mixed up in mind identification; we have lost touch with our inherent sense of fulfillment and so we seek to try and find it through objective knowledge and the situations and circumstances of this apparent world.
What I realised was that the sense of embodied beingness (I am) is not a separate quality from the awareness of it. Nor are they two aspects of some kind of linear continuum.
No they are both inherent and inseparable qualities of the Self (in reflection), so my attempts to try and find the Self by trying to isolate, separate and transcend its essential qualities was doomed to failure.
The missing quality was Anand (bliss or concentrated happiness). The only good reason really to try to find the Self is because one is trying to find some kind of deep lasting happiness, so what if in my strenuous attempts I was actually short circuiting the possibility all along?
The three essential qualities of the Self are Sat, Chit and Anand so I had the insight that maybe the key is not in trying to separate or exaggerate the qualities of awareness and beingness but in the simple resting in the natural awareness of beingness.
Funnily enough that turned out to be quite blissful! Not the least because now my mind finally had a satisfying explanation and could let go. It was like letting go of an elastic band which one is stretching and it suddenly snaps back to it's own natural shape.
And the natural shape of our true nature is Satchitananda. I'm not saying that I realised the Self but I feel that I may have stumbled upon a key to relaxing in the mystery.
As above, so below. Satchitananda as the Self; Satchitananda as a human. My reasoning and intuition tell me that by naturally abiding in this experience then the process of whatever needs to happen will unfold naturally by itself.
Or rather Consciousness will take care of Consciousness for the revelation of Consciousness! If any deepening of being, heightening of awareness or intensification of bliss needs to happen then let Consciousness take care of it.
Anyway that's my latest theory and at the very least I think I have uncovered a bloody good meditation approach (it definitely won't be anything new but it is a new revelation to me - at least in its conscious appreciation).
Satchitananda
P.S. 13/3/09 After the initial exhilaration of this discovery I will add that Ramana Maharishi cautions against becoming absorbed and plateau-ing in pleasant states. They are a good sign of progress but one should keep up the enquiry and transcend even these until one finally reaches to Pure Transcendental Consciousness beyond the sense of individual 'I am'. See postings 'down the road a bit' and 'towards the end of the road' 12th March.
Sat-Chit-Ananda
Satchitananda
Awareness of Being is inherently Blissful
As above so below
So I be still and away I go
Awareness of Being is inherently Blissful
As above so below
So I be still and away I go
so what is this enlightenment thing anyway?
I can't claim to know what enlightenment is but based on the consistencies in the testimonies of Sages, on my own personal experience and intuition as well as that of many others then I can draw a few conclusions.
Yes our ideas of truth are very subjective and variable. However what is the same in each one of us is that there is a quality of awareness without which we couldn't be aware of anything, including our various ideas about truth.
What is also common to everyone is the sense of 'I'. That 'I' exist as an individual being otherwise how can we say 'I like this' or 'I don't like that'. There is an inherent and tacitly assumed feeling-sense that 'I am'.
You say that "I don't doubt there is an all empowering energy field or consciousness that we are all linked to and that we are here for a purpose - to evolve."
Both of the qualities which we all share, of awareness and the feeling-sense of 'I am', are said to be reflections in the human mind from this universal consciousness, much like the moon is reflecting the light of the sun and has no inherent light of its own.
Or you could say that we, as seeming individuals, are integral aspects of that universal consciousness and so share somewhat in its essential qualities of existence and awareness of that existence.
The thing is we generally experience ourselves to be separate individuals who go through life making choices and trying to do the best we can from our own level of understanding and experience (i.e. a crooks idea of doing well may differ from most regular persons).
Our sense of who we are and our sense of security in life are generally defined by our self image, our body, our family, our relationships, our profession, our accomplishments, our material position in life etc. etc.
Nothing wrong in those things in themselves but the problem is that we are generally identified or psychologically and emotionally dependent upon them for our sense of well-being, such that if things went very badly for us in these areas then it could be very devastating and bring with it much suffering (e.g. the loss of loved ones, the loss of material security, the loss of our sense of self esteem if we are not able to function in life as we would want to, etc.).
This is the normal human condition which we can all relate to. This 'thing' called enlightenment is to do with realising experientially our true nature as embodiments of that Universal Consciousness rather than as separate, limited, skin encapsulated ego's.
This Universal Consciousness is said to be inherently whole and complete within itself such that when our sense of experiential identity expands from the limitation of a separate individual 'me' to the true case as integral apects of the whole then we are no longer dependent upon outer circumstances for our well-being.
Our very nature becomes Well-Being and we are no longer seeking to find our happiness in the circumstances of this world. We are inherently happy, peaceful, contented and whole.
In whatever way we then feel drawn to do or be in the world then we will be more effective. Our relationships will be more fulfilling because we no longer have any sort of co-dependency with others. It doesn't mean we don't care, we will be naturally more compassionate, but that we aren't in a position of any kind of neediness for psychological or emotional affirmation or security from others.
So it might sound like this enlightenment is like a good insurance policy in case things go wrong or as a way to become more successful in the world. From one perspective there could be some truth in that but the real thing is that there is a total shift in identity so that we are no longer experiencing ourselves to be separate individuals trying to have a comfortable and happy life, but that we realise ourselves to be expansive conscious beings whose seeming activities and relationships in this world are expressing fulfillment rather than seeking it.
There are said to be three qualites in nature known in Sanskrit as Sattva, Rajas and Tamas. In the human psychological sphere Sattva manifests as clarity and balance, Rajas manifests as restlessness and desire and Tamas manifests as dullness and destructiveness.
The human journey of evolution you mention could be said to comprise of becoming purified of the Tamas and Rajas qualities and thereby becoming a more naturally Sattvic person; one could consider this to be a journey of becoming a progressively more enlightened, balanced and clear individual.
However the step beyond that, beyond the usual human experience, that is referred to as Enlightenment, is where this identification of being an individual is entirely evaporated and one becomes not an individual in relation to Universal Consciousness, but an actual conscious embodiment of this Universal Consciousness itself.
What that experience may be like who can say? But it does seem that one carries on in this human body playing ones role for the duration of this human life, same as everyone else.
So as you say, that might be somewhat beyond what Western thought generally considers to be the normal range of the human experience. However in traditional Eastern thought, the possibility of such Enlightenment is an accepted part of life and beings like the Buddha, who we can only assume must have evolved to this level, are held in deep reverence.
The full depth and true meaning of what such beings represent may not be easily appreciated but we can certainly say that their lives and teachings have had a tremendous guiding impact upon countless millions of people through countless generations and continues to do so.
Cases like the Buddha are very grand and very rare and it may be that many more Enlightened beings pass by, hardly being noticed, and yet having a silent powerful uplifting influence on the collective consciousness. And yet, the history of the east and of India in particular records the lives of many many Enlightened ones, even in recent and contemporary times (such as Ramana Maharishi).
As I quoted Werner as saying in my last blog, there are no stages in (Ultimate) Reality but in the human experience there may be many variations and shades of degree. Ultimately there is a clear distinction; there is either unconscious ego identification with being a separate individual, however subtle, or there is not.
If there is not that identification then Enlightenment could be said to be there, however in what way and to what degree of fullness Universal Consciousness chooses to outwardly express itself through that (human) form is part of the Divine Mystery and we cannot say.
And as I also said in the last blog there is manifold opportunity for delusion at every stage, warned of in every spiritual tradition, where the ego gets some cosmic taste and goes on a power trip in one way or another, perhaps considering ones-self to be Enlightened and deluding others also.
Werner put all of that also in the context of this Play of Consciousness as an integral part of the play. Not to worry about it but instead to rely upon ones own sincereity and inner wisdom to guide one through the spiritual jungle and to the correct teacher (for a reason and for a season) if that is what is required.
For myself, and probably for most people, getting to the stage of having a primarily Sattvic mind (balanced, creative, peaceful and positive) and yet retaining ones sense of individuality seems attractive and the prospect of somehow being annihilated and taken over by some kind of Cosmic Consciousness can seem somewhat dubious!
However the testimony and lives of the Sages reassures us that this is nothing foreign to us but just the dawning of our own true nature. This is the fulfillment of the human journey of evolution and a mystery which will sweep us up when the time is right and not before.
This apparrent seeking of Enlightenment is not really a means to an ends (as it may appear to be at a certain stage) but really a coming back to the centre.
A final transcendance of all seeking into 'The Peace Which Passeth All Understanding' and a complete surrender to 'Thy Will Be Done'.
As to, as you say, "world events (and) the total consciousness of the human race (being) a very long way from reaching utopia" then that is also part of the play. Regardless of the collective consciousness it is always possible for individuals to realise their own true nature as no doubt they have been doing quietly for millenia.
However there does seem to be an ever accelarating upsurge of awakening around the planet running in tandem with the seeming increasing tendency towards conflict and chaos. It makes for an exciting story and lets hope that the good guys win! :)
It is repeatedly affirmed by the Sages that the silent vibrations emanating from the Enlightened Ones, even if they do not outwardly seem to be very active, are extremely powerful in effecting the whole consciousness of mankind. It seems to be a question of balance and only time will tell which way the scales will tip.
Either way, in the grand scheme of things this era in which we live is but the blink of an eye of cosmic time and no doubt the story goes on through peaks and valleys throughout the ages.
The key is to realise that timeless essence herenow.
hope this helps with your question!
P.S. For anyone who wants to see a movie clip of one who was widely considered to be a modern day Enlightened One then check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUyLIYVrd5U
Nisargadatta Maharaj was a rustic uneducated Indian man who was yet considered to be a Great Sage of the Advaita (non-dualistic) teaching. Be warned, if you expect a gentle soft sort of a man then you are in for a shock. Nisargadatta was uncompromising and fiery in the communication of his experience. He was in the body until about 1980.
N.B. 13th March. In this posting I have speculated that 'Enlightenment' may be the merging of individual consciousness with some kind of Cosmic or Universal Consciousness. There may be a stage like that but I would say that the initial thing (IMHO) is the individual Realisation of, and establishment in, Pure Transcendental Consciousness, which is simply the Pure Awareness at our core and the origin of the feeling-sense of 'I am'. Please refer to posting 'towards the end of the road' 12th March.This is usually termed Self-Realisataion, which may be the basis for some ongoing evolution towards Universality, but in itself seems straight forward enough.
In some schools of thought it is considered that both individual consciousness and Universal Consciousness (which is considered to manifest, maintain and dissolve Creation) both have their source in Pure Transcendental Consciousness and that 'Full Enlightenment' encompasses the totality of all of those aspects. Other schools of thought have more of a Personal God centered outlook and others deny that there is anything other than Self-Realisation. But all could agree that all of the rubbish we have accumulated obscures our true nature and that somehow this situation needs to be dealt to. At any rate, until we start to experience these things for ourselves then they remain as theories.
Yes our ideas of truth are very subjective and variable. However what is the same in each one of us is that there is a quality of awareness without which we couldn't be aware of anything, including our various ideas about truth.
What is also common to everyone is the sense of 'I'. That 'I' exist as an individual being otherwise how can we say 'I like this' or 'I don't like that'. There is an inherent and tacitly assumed feeling-sense that 'I am'.
You say that "I don't doubt there is an all empowering energy field or consciousness that we are all linked to and that we are here for a purpose - to evolve."
Both of the qualities which we all share, of awareness and the feeling-sense of 'I am', are said to be reflections in the human mind from this universal consciousness, much like the moon is reflecting the light of the sun and has no inherent light of its own.
Or you could say that we, as seeming individuals, are integral aspects of that universal consciousness and so share somewhat in its essential qualities of existence and awareness of that existence.
The thing is we generally experience ourselves to be separate individuals who go through life making choices and trying to do the best we can from our own level of understanding and experience (i.e. a crooks idea of doing well may differ from most regular persons).
Our sense of who we are and our sense of security in life are generally defined by our self image, our body, our family, our relationships, our profession, our accomplishments, our material position in life etc. etc.
Nothing wrong in those things in themselves but the problem is that we are generally identified or psychologically and emotionally dependent upon them for our sense of well-being, such that if things went very badly for us in these areas then it could be very devastating and bring with it much suffering (e.g. the loss of loved ones, the loss of material security, the loss of our sense of self esteem if we are not able to function in life as we would want to, etc.).
This is the normal human condition which we can all relate to. This 'thing' called enlightenment is to do with realising experientially our true nature as embodiments of that Universal Consciousness rather than as separate, limited, skin encapsulated ego's.
This Universal Consciousness is said to be inherently whole and complete within itself such that when our sense of experiential identity expands from the limitation of a separate individual 'me' to the true case as integral apects of the whole then we are no longer dependent upon outer circumstances for our well-being.
Our very nature becomes Well-Being and we are no longer seeking to find our happiness in the circumstances of this world. We are inherently happy, peaceful, contented and whole.
In whatever way we then feel drawn to do or be in the world then we will be more effective. Our relationships will be more fulfilling because we no longer have any sort of co-dependency with others. It doesn't mean we don't care, we will be naturally more compassionate, but that we aren't in a position of any kind of neediness for psychological or emotional affirmation or security from others.
So it might sound like this enlightenment is like a good insurance policy in case things go wrong or as a way to become more successful in the world. From one perspective there could be some truth in that but the real thing is that there is a total shift in identity so that we are no longer experiencing ourselves to be separate individuals trying to have a comfortable and happy life, but that we realise ourselves to be expansive conscious beings whose seeming activities and relationships in this world are expressing fulfillment rather than seeking it.
There are said to be three qualites in nature known in Sanskrit as Sattva, Rajas and Tamas. In the human psychological sphere Sattva manifests as clarity and balance, Rajas manifests as restlessness and desire and Tamas manifests as dullness and destructiveness.
The human journey of evolution you mention could be said to comprise of becoming purified of the Tamas and Rajas qualities and thereby becoming a more naturally Sattvic person; one could consider this to be a journey of becoming a progressively more enlightened, balanced and clear individual.
However the step beyond that, beyond the usual human experience, that is referred to as Enlightenment, is where this identification of being an individual is entirely evaporated and one becomes not an individual in relation to Universal Consciousness, but an actual conscious embodiment of this Universal Consciousness itself.
What that experience may be like who can say? But it does seem that one carries on in this human body playing ones role for the duration of this human life, same as everyone else.
So as you say, that might be somewhat beyond what Western thought generally considers to be the normal range of the human experience. However in traditional Eastern thought, the possibility of such Enlightenment is an accepted part of life and beings like the Buddha, who we can only assume must have evolved to this level, are held in deep reverence.
The full depth and true meaning of what such beings represent may not be easily appreciated but we can certainly say that their lives and teachings have had a tremendous guiding impact upon countless millions of people through countless generations and continues to do so.
Cases like the Buddha are very grand and very rare and it may be that many more Enlightened beings pass by, hardly being noticed, and yet having a silent powerful uplifting influence on the collective consciousness. And yet, the history of the east and of India in particular records the lives of many many Enlightened ones, even in recent and contemporary times (such as Ramana Maharishi).
As I quoted Werner as saying in my last blog, there are no stages in (Ultimate) Reality but in the human experience there may be many variations and shades of degree. Ultimately there is a clear distinction; there is either unconscious ego identification with being a separate individual, however subtle, or there is not.
If there is not that identification then Enlightenment could be said to be there, however in what way and to what degree of fullness Universal Consciousness chooses to outwardly express itself through that (human) form is part of the Divine Mystery and we cannot say.
And as I also said in the last blog there is manifold opportunity for delusion at every stage, warned of in every spiritual tradition, where the ego gets some cosmic taste and goes on a power trip in one way or another, perhaps considering ones-self to be Enlightened and deluding others also.
Werner put all of that also in the context of this Play of Consciousness as an integral part of the play. Not to worry about it but instead to rely upon ones own sincereity and inner wisdom to guide one through the spiritual jungle and to the correct teacher (for a reason and for a season) if that is what is required.
For myself, and probably for most people, getting to the stage of having a primarily Sattvic mind (balanced, creative, peaceful and positive) and yet retaining ones sense of individuality seems attractive and the prospect of somehow being annihilated and taken over by some kind of Cosmic Consciousness can seem somewhat dubious!
However the testimony and lives of the Sages reassures us that this is nothing foreign to us but just the dawning of our own true nature. This is the fulfillment of the human journey of evolution and a mystery which will sweep us up when the time is right and not before.
This apparrent seeking of Enlightenment is not really a means to an ends (as it may appear to be at a certain stage) but really a coming back to the centre.
A final transcendance of all seeking into 'The Peace Which Passeth All Understanding' and a complete surrender to 'Thy Will Be Done'.
As to, as you say, "world events (and) the total consciousness of the human race (being) a very long way from reaching utopia" then that is also part of the play. Regardless of the collective consciousness it is always possible for individuals to realise their own true nature as no doubt they have been doing quietly for millenia.
However there does seem to be an ever accelarating upsurge of awakening around the planet running in tandem with the seeming increasing tendency towards conflict and chaos. It makes for an exciting story and lets hope that the good guys win! :)
It is repeatedly affirmed by the Sages that the silent vibrations emanating from the Enlightened Ones, even if they do not outwardly seem to be very active, are extremely powerful in effecting the whole consciousness of mankind. It seems to be a question of balance and only time will tell which way the scales will tip.
Either way, in the grand scheme of things this era in which we live is but the blink of an eye of cosmic time and no doubt the story goes on through peaks and valleys throughout the ages.
The key is to realise that timeless essence herenow.
hope this helps with your question!
P.S. For anyone who wants to see a movie clip of one who was widely considered to be a modern day Enlightened One then check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUyLIYVrd5U
Nisargadatta Maharaj was a rustic uneducated Indian man who was yet considered to be a Great Sage of the Advaita (non-dualistic) teaching. Be warned, if you expect a gentle soft sort of a man then you are in for a shock. Nisargadatta was uncompromising and fiery in the communication of his experience. He was in the body until about 1980.
N.B. 13th March. In this posting I have speculated that 'Enlightenment' may be the merging of individual consciousness with some kind of Cosmic or Universal Consciousness. There may be a stage like that but I would say that the initial thing (IMHO) is the individual Realisation of, and establishment in, Pure Transcendental Consciousness, which is simply the Pure Awareness at our core and the origin of the feeling-sense of 'I am'. Please refer to posting 'towards the end of the road' 12th March.This is usually termed Self-Realisataion, which may be the basis for some ongoing evolution towards Universality, but in itself seems straight forward enough.
In some schools of thought it is considered that both individual consciousness and Universal Consciousness (which is considered to manifest, maintain and dissolve Creation) both have their source in Pure Transcendental Consciousness and that 'Full Enlightenment' encompasses the totality of all of those aspects. Other schools of thought have more of a Personal God centered outlook and others deny that there is anything other than Self-Realisation. But all could agree that all of the rubbish we have accumulated obscures our true nature and that somehow this situation needs to be dealt to. At any rate, until we start to experience these things for ourselves then they remain as theories.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
it ain't over till the fat lady sings
I would just like to affirm that what I have been sharing in regard to the self-enquiry process and Self-Realisation is only what I have been able to gather from books, listening to and questioning teachers, exchanging ideas with friends as well as from my own reasoning and limited degree of subjective experience.
My blog sharings on this topic are really just me trying to figure things out for myself and have also served as a useful forum for the cross-communication of ideas with others who are similarly interested. There has also been a motivation to share this in a way which might be helpful or interesting to others and also to potentially generate and partake of some positive energy in this regard.
I think that whatever spiritual enlightenment is, then no teacher or teaching has a monopoly or exclusive franchaise upon it. So each person who is putting themselves forth as a teacher no doubt has a degree of illumination and a degree of understanding which might, for a time, prove helpful and supportive to others in their own self-unfolding, recognising that no-one can give or take away that which is the essential nature of us all.
However there also seems to be manifold opportunities for degrees of self-delusion, limited understanding and different view points at every stage of the journey. So it would seem then to pay to never take ones own or others opinions too seriously, recognising that ultimately, this play of Consciousness is a mystery which is beyond the human minds capacity to understand. We may have some helpful general concepts about it but in the actual living of it, it seems that we must let go of attachment to the conceptual mind altogether.
I have found in my own explorations, both here at Arunachala and before, that the various teachers and teachings all have something useful to offer and can all offer some light on what may be considered as aspects of truth and pathways towards that. Furthermore, depending upon their own degree of direct illumination and upon ones own receptivity, then a teacher can also act as a channel for the silent energy of Consciousness to catalyse ones own subjective experience of what is spoken of whether it is considered as a Divine Presence or as a Vast Silence.
I like how Werner puts it; that there are no stages in Reality, but if one has a lasting experiential opening to a deeper appreciation and living of that Reality, then not to take it as something final (taking oneself to have become Enlightened) but rather as more like the ending of one chapter and the beginning of something new. That we do not get stuck in thinking that we have arrived, but that we continue to cultivate the deepening of our experience thereby always allowing the mystery to unfold and expand. That when the fixated identity of being a 'me' falls away then we are able to not take the whole story of this holographic magic show so seriously. That we can take this adventure here on earth playfully and fully enjoy our role as embodiments of unfolding Consciousness being made richer by the experience.
So even if the fat lady sings then may be it's not really over, it may be just the beginning...................
To see a world in a grain of sand,
And heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.
William Blake
My blog sharings on this topic are really just me trying to figure things out for myself and have also served as a useful forum for the cross-communication of ideas with others who are similarly interested. There has also been a motivation to share this in a way which might be helpful or interesting to others and also to potentially generate and partake of some positive energy in this regard.
I think that whatever spiritual enlightenment is, then no teacher or teaching has a monopoly or exclusive franchaise upon it. So each person who is putting themselves forth as a teacher no doubt has a degree of illumination and a degree of understanding which might, for a time, prove helpful and supportive to others in their own self-unfolding, recognising that no-one can give or take away that which is the essential nature of us all.
However there also seems to be manifold opportunities for degrees of self-delusion, limited understanding and different view points at every stage of the journey. So it would seem then to pay to never take ones own or others opinions too seriously, recognising that ultimately, this play of Consciousness is a mystery which is beyond the human minds capacity to understand. We may have some helpful general concepts about it but in the actual living of it, it seems that we must let go of attachment to the conceptual mind altogether.
I have found in my own explorations, both here at Arunachala and before, that the various teachers and teachings all have something useful to offer and can all offer some light on what may be considered as aspects of truth and pathways towards that. Furthermore, depending upon their own degree of direct illumination and upon ones own receptivity, then a teacher can also act as a channel for the silent energy of Consciousness to catalyse ones own subjective experience of what is spoken of whether it is considered as a Divine Presence or as a Vast Silence.
I like how Werner puts it; that there are no stages in Reality, but if one has a lasting experiential opening to a deeper appreciation and living of that Reality, then not to take it as something final (taking oneself to have become Enlightened) but rather as more like the ending of one chapter and the beginning of something new. That we do not get stuck in thinking that we have arrived, but that we continue to cultivate the deepening of our experience thereby always allowing the mystery to unfold and expand. That when the fixated identity of being a 'me' falls away then we are able to not take the whole story of this holographic magic show so seriously. That we can take this adventure here on earth playfully and fully enjoy our role as embodiments of unfolding Consciousness being made richer by the experience.
So even if the fat lady sings then may be it's not really over, it may be just the beginning...................
To see a world in a grain of sand,
And heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.
William Blake
Saturday, March 7, 2009
story time.......comin round the mountain
So, about a week ago I walked the inner path around the mountain again with a friend, Suzanne from Germany. It was a very pleasant walk. Technically one is supposed to go around in a silent meditative mood but we were talking and sharing our experiences in meditative mood instead.
We set off around 7am and once we had gone most of the way around and hit town we took the back streets instead of the unpleasant main road. It was quite a revelation. It was quite a peaceful village atmosphere, the streets were clean and the people were very friendly. We got accosted several times by groups of young children who were all smiles saying 'hello, how are you?', 'what is your name?' and 'where do you come from?'. I guess that those are the most common converstional english questions they learn in school. Then of course they are very keen for 'one pencil', 'one ruppee' and 'one chocolate please'!
Unfortunately I didn't have anything much to give them other than the first lot who I gave some bananas. Next time I go I'll try to remember to take a bag of pencils and maybe chocolates with me and I'm sure I'll be very popular. Actually it was a very nice experience and the children were very innocent, happy and sweet. They were very keen to be photographed and got a big kick out of seeing themselves on the digi-camera screen. I got some great pictures and have posted a selection on Facebook (hence the invitations to join some of you got).
After coming out of the village back streets we got some delicious freshly squeezed sugarcane juice and then proceeded up and across the side of the mountain towards the back of Ramana Ashram; completing our circuit and again avoiding the busy town. We climbed up to Virupuksha Cave and Skanda Ashram which are the two places where Ramana Maharishi spent much of the first twenty or so years of his time at Arunachala.
Suzanne took me to her favourite contemplation spot under a tree at the back of the small Skanda Ashram complex and we chilled out for a while. There was a band of monkeys jumping around in the trees around us and as I was about to leave a whole pile of very young ones came right up to me and were playing and pulling at me. It was quite special and I managed to take 3mins of video footage as well as some photo's which I will also post on facebook.
If you want to join Facebook then I have put a link on the left hand column of this blog page which will take you directly to the sign-up page. Registering is easy to do and you will have the option of allowing the website to search your email address book to locate friends who are already members and others who you might want to invite. If you don't want to do that there is an option at the bottom to skip those steps. So maybe see you on facebook sometime........
We set off around 7am and once we had gone most of the way around and hit town we took the back streets instead of the unpleasant main road. It was quite a revelation. It was quite a peaceful village atmosphere, the streets were clean and the people were very friendly. We got accosted several times by groups of young children who were all smiles saying 'hello, how are you?', 'what is your name?' and 'where do you come from?'. I guess that those are the most common converstional english questions they learn in school. Then of course they are very keen for 'one pencil', 'one ruppee' and 'one chocolate please'!
Unfortunately I didn't have anything much to give them other than the first lot who I gave some bananas. Next time I go I'll try to remember to take a bag of pencils and maybe chocolates with me and I'm sure I'll be very popular. Actually it was a very nice experience and the children were very innocent, happy and sweet. They were very keen to be photographed and got a big kick out of seeing themselves on the digi-camera screen. I got some great pictures and have posted a selection on Facebook (hence the invitations to join some of you got).
After coming out of the village back streets we got some delicious freshly squeezed sugarcane juice and then proceeded up and across the side of the mountain towards the back of Ramana Ashram; completing our circuit and again avoiding the busy town. We climbed up to Virupuksha Cave and Skanda Ashram which are the two places where Ramana Maharishi spent much of the first twenty or so years of his time at Arunachala.
Suzanne took me to her favourite contemplation spot under a tree at the back of the small Skanda Ashram complex and we chilled out for a while. There was a band of monkeys jumping around in the trees around us and as I was about to leave a whole pile of very young ones came right up to me and were playing and pulling at me. It was quite special and I managed to take 3mins of video footage as well as some photo's which I will also post on facebook.
If you want to join Facebook then I have put a link on the left hand column of this blog page which will take you directly to the sign-up page. Registering is easy to do and you will have the option of allowing the website to search your email address book to locate friends who are already members and others who you might want to invite. If you don't want to do that there is an option at the bottom to skip those steps. So maybe see you on facebook sometime........
Thursday, March 5, 2009
and then some.......!
Ok, so one more post on self-enquiry before I get to the nice story :) So it seems apparent that there are two practical aspects to this self-enquiry; the first being focusing awareness on this sense of individual 'I-ness', and the second as effortlessly abiding as expansive clear awareness.
What I have been reporting on in the last two blog posts has related to the first aspect. That is focusing awareness on the feeling-sense of 'I-ness' which we tacitly take to be real and which is said to be the basis of all our identification as an individual 'me'. It seems that this feeling-sense of 'me' has it's roots in unconscious identification with the 'I' thought. It is said to not be real but continues to have an existence until such times as we bring awareness into it where upon it begins to lose it's hold and eventually disappears.
What is then said to be left is the light of the True Self; the True 'I Am' whereupon all duality and separation cease to exist (it was only ever an illusionary appearance anyway we are told). Ramana Maharishi wasn't all the time intently focused on the individual sense of 'me-ness'. No, for him it was long gone and he lived naturally in expansive clear awareness devoid of separation.
So the second practical aspect of self-enquiry is this abiding as expansive clear awareness. The word 'practical' implies something to do but this is more of a non-doing. An effortless resting in presence which in itself catalyses further expansion. I would hazard an estimation that to the extent that we are free from the bondage of unconscious identification with 'me' is the extent to which our awareness is naturally able to expand in effortless being.
Andrew has contributed some useful comments describing this second aspect of self-enquiry which I reproduce here :
“Being present AS You (Pure Awareness)” versus “focusing awareness ON you (individual sense of me-ness)”.
So the book title, "Relax into clear seeing" is accurate. I was taught a helpful method - continually renewing the following: "I intend to be present" No trying, just renew the intention then drop it. It is non-intellectual and quite helpful. There is no diving per se, but there is a stopping of seeking and a relaxing into what is here and now. Then the sense of Is-ness becomes apparent.
In a similar vein, instead of straining our eyes to see something, let the light fall upon your eyes. Instead of listening to hear something, let the sound effortlessly enter your ear. This encourages innocence, innocent non-verbal perception, effortlessness, non-grasping of the senses.
So these two aspects seem to be different and I will draw a tentative conclusion that as long as they seem to be different then one would be well advised to cultivate both. Regularly giving exclusive attention to investigating with awareness this 'thing which feels like me', and the rest of the time, whether active or inactive, resting, in as much as we are able, in this expansive clear awareness.
I will hazard a guess that over time the distinction between the two aspects falls away until even the focusing of attention upon the increasingly subtle sense of 'me-ness' is occuring within expanded clear awareness.
Ultimately too, the sense of 'me-ness' will completely dissolve and then...... and then...... and then we'll just have to wait and experience it for ourselves but for sure something good will happen.
The above discussion is something I've been trying to get clear on for some time and what has been said seems to make sense at least for me. The practice begins with the effort of focusing attention on and isolating the feeling-sense of 'me-ness' and expands into effortless being in the pure unencumbered awareness that we already are.
What I have been reporting on in the last two blog posts has related to the first aspect. That is focusing awareness on the feeling-sense of 'I-ness' which we tacitly take to be real and which is said to be the basis of all our identification as an individual 'me'. It seems that this feeling-sense of 'me' has it's roots in unconscious identification with the 'I' thought. It is said to not be real but continues to have an existence until such times as we bring awareness into it where upon it begins to lose it's hold and eventually disappears.
What is then said to be left is the light of the True Self; the True 'I Am' whereupon all duality and separation cease to exist (it was only ever an illusionary appearance anyway we are told). Ramana Maharishi wasn't all the time intently focused on the individual sense of 'me-ness'. No, for him it was long gone and he lived naturally in expansive clear awareness devoid of separation.
So the second practical aspect of self-enquiry is this abiding as expansive clear awareness. The word 'practical' implies something to do but this is more of a non-doing. An effortless resting in presence which in itself catalyses further expansion. I would hazard an estimation that to the extent that we are free from the bondage of unconscious identification with 'me' is the extent to which our awareness is naturally able to expand in effortless being.
Andrew has contributed some useful comments describing this second aspect of self-enquiry which I reproduce here :
“Being present AS You (Pure Awareness)” versus “focusing awareness ON you (individual sense of me-ness)”.
So the book title, "Relax into clear seeing" is accurate. I was taught a helpful method - continually renewing the following: "I intend to be present" No trying, just renew the intention then drop it. It is non-intellectual and quite helpful. There is no diving per se, but there is a stopping of seeking and a relaxing into what is here and now. Then the sense of Is-ness becomes apparent.
In a similar vein, instead of straining our eyes to see something, let the light fall upon your eyes. Instead of listening to hear something, let the sound effortlessly enter your ear. This encourages innocence, innocent non-verbal perception, effortlessness, non-grasping of the senses.
So these two aspects seem to be different and I will draw a tentative conclusion that as long as they seem to be different then one would be well advised to cultivate both. Regularly giving exclusive attention to investigating with awareness this 'thing which feels like me', and the rest of the time, whether active or inactive, resting, in as much as we are able, in this expansive clear awareness.
I will hazard a guess that over time the distinction between the two aspects falls away until even the focusing of attention upon the increasingly subtle sense of 'me-ness' is occuring within expanded clear awareness.
Ultimately too, the sense of 'me-ness' will completely dissolve and then...... and then...... and then we'll just have to wait and experience it for ourselves but for sure something good will happen.
The above discussion is something I've been trying to get clear on for some time and what has been said seems to make sense at least for me. The practice begins with the effort of focusing attention on and isolating the feeling-sense of 'me-ness' and expands into effortless being in the pure unencumbered awareness that we already are.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
who the hell am I?
Well, it's been an intense couple of days. Between Monday and Tuesday I went to five Satsangs with four different teachers! They were Mooji, Big Tex (A.Ramana), Werner and a new one called Madhukar.
Like Mooji, Madhukar (a German man with a very shinny head) honours Papaji as his Spiritual Master. For those who don't know, Papaji was an Indian man who left the body in the late 1990's. For about the last 10 years of his life many many Western seekers came to him and it seems that quite a number had significant awakenings to their true nature and are now teachers in their own right. Papaji himself went through his Awakening with Ramana Maharishi at Arunachala back in the 1940's.
So during the first Satsang with Mooji on Monday I got some clarity about Self-Enquiry which I expressed in the previous posting 'the thing that feels like me'. That evening I went to Madhukar for the first time (he was only here for a couple of days and is gone already). I felt quite high awareness energy in his presence and he sits there a lot of the time in silence.
I had noticed that 'this thing that feels like me' is also an object of awareness so I asked Madhukar to help me understand the distinction; what is the true 'I am'? Paraphrasing, he said that there is no distinction; it is a continuum. 'I am' appears in an individuated form as that thing which feels like me and expands to infinity in increasingly higher levels of awareness.
Later on, while by myself, I reasoned that this continuum of awareness, like the electromagnetic spectrum, could extend ad infinitum in either direction, so then where is the end of it? It strikes me that any vibration is part of the manifest existence which, like the moon, has no light of it's own and only reflects the pure light of the unmanifest Self. No matter how refined awareness in vibration becomes there must still exist a subtle distinction (separation) between the perceiver and the perceived until such times as awareness is turned back upon itself and merges with it's own source as the ever effulgent Self of Pure Consciousness. The One without a Second.
The following morning I went for Satsang with A.Ramana and asked him many questions about Self-Enquiry trying to understand what is meant and to relate it to my own experience. It came to a point where, even although I only had one question left, he put the kaibosch on me saying that I ought to just do it rather than continually objectify it and ask questions about it. It was a slightly heated exchange and in the end I just had to shut up and close my eyes.
My ego was quite provoked feeling somewhat misunderstood, frustrated and even slightly resentful, however I did not take it too seriously and recognised the value of having a very obvious expression of 'me-ness' to watch in meditation. Later on outside in the second session someone asked a question about what the Sages describe as the unreality of the world. A.Ramana was espousing the typically Advaita Vedantic (the Indian school of non-dual philosophy) view that the world has no objective existence independent of ones subjective perception of it, such that when one goes to sleep the world ceases to exist and then springs back into existence upon awakening.
I found this objectionable and did not accept his arguments or assertion that unless one accepts the unreality of the world then one can never transcend it. I sat there quietly simmering and yet in quite an aware state. No-one was saying anything and then A.Ramana said that if anyone had any questions then they had better ask them now while there is the opportunity. After ascertaining that he was accepting questions and comments from me I expressed my disagreement. He said he can understand why I would find it hard to accept but never the less.......................
Afterwards I read a chapter he had recommended to the original asker of the unreality question and found that what A.Ramana was saying was almost verbatim what Ramana Maharishi had been recorded as saying on the topic. Ramana Maharishi also said that the really important thing is not whether or not the world is real but to find out to whom it is seeming to be real or unreal. That is also a message continuously affirmed by A.Ramana whose stated mission is to preserve and disseminate the pure teaching of Sri Ramana Maharishi.
In the afternoon I went to Werner Satsang and put the question of the stated unreality of the world to him. He said that in a way it is true if we consider from a quantum physics point of view that there is no such thing as solid matter - it is all just ghostly vibrations of energy popping in and out of existence. Really there is just some big interrelated energy field out of which our senses and mind create some sort of picture of reality. On the other hand, there does seem to be consistency and common ground to this experience of the world. He advised just to accept it as a mystery, as some kind of holographic magic show, and the best position to take on it is no position, honestly accepting that one does not really know how it is. The main thing again being to come back to the centre and reside in that pure awareness of now. Werner is good as he can talk from many points of view and gives answers which are easily related to.
Finally in the evening I went back to Madhukar. I had no questions and after taking a comfortable posture went into quite a deep or high state of meditation where I remained silently alert for the duration of the Satsang and for the sing-along afterwards.
This morning as I lay on the bed after a papaya breakfast I asked myself 'who is lying here?', answer 'I am', 'and who am I?'
'who is having these imaginations?' 'I am' 'and who am I?'
'who is enjoying this pleasure?' 'I am' 'and who am I?'
'who is suffering this misery?' 'I am' 'and who am I?'
'who is thinking these thoughts?' 'I am' 'and who am I?'
The questions are just a way to short circuit the thinking process and to invoke the sense of 'me-ness', continually redirecting awareness back to it; this 'me-ness' which is said to be the lynchpin which underlies the whole structure of ego-mind-body identification.
If I am understanding correctly then this is Self-Enquiry, which is said by the Sages to be the direct way to dissolve the illusion of separateness and whereby Self-Realisation becomes apparent. By consistently cultivating this enquiry the individual 'I am' eventually becomes purified from mind identification and merges back with it's source - the Pure Self.
So the way seems clear enough; all that remains is to apply it and see it through to its conclusion. Even the so called conclusion is not in our hands and is said to be an act of Grace whereby the Universal Self seemingly reaches down and lifts us up into a new way of Being. All we can do as apparent individuals with apparent free will is to do the best we can to be present and in making ourselves available and presumably sooner or later somethings gotta give. There is no telling how long it could take; it could happen this very instant or it could take a long time so I guess one of the keys is to find the balance between intensity and relaxation.
Once the job is done then life in all it's expressions is said to be experienced as a direct manifestation of the Self in motion. There is said to no longer be any separation between stillness and activity, subject and object. All is a play of Oneness. I guess that is something which has to be experienced to really know what it means.
So that's that. On to more everday topics, I mentioned before that I have a nice story to tell and some nice pictures to share which I intend will be the subject of my next post. Some of you will have received an invitation to join Facebook from me. The reason for that is that I intend to use Facebook to post a greater number of photo's than I am able to on this blog and maybe even some short movie clips. However in order to view that you will need to become a member which is actually very painless and easy. If you want it to the website will even do a search for you of all the people in your email address book who are already members and link you up. I was surprised how many of my friends were already members and am glad that I finally joined.
Like Mooji, Madhukar (a German man with a very shinny head) honours Papaji as his Spiritual Master. For those who don't know, Papaji was an Indian man who left the body in the late 1990's. For about the last 10 years of his life many many Western seekers came to him and it seems that quite a number had significant awakenings to their true nature and are now teachers in their own right. Papaji himself went through his Awakening with Ramana Maharishi at Arunachala back in the 1940's.
So during the first Satsang with Mooji on Monday I got some clarity about Self-Enquiry which I expressed in the previous posting 'the thing that feels like me'. That evening I went to Madhukar for the first time (he was only here for a couple of days and is gone already). I felt quite high awareness energy in his presence and he sits there a lot of the time in silence.
I had noticed that 'this thing that feels like me' is also an object of awareness so I asked Madhukar to help me understand the distinction; what is the true 'I am'? Paraphrasing, he said that there is no distinction; it is a continuum. 'I am' appears in an individuated form as that thing which feels like me and expands to infinity in increasingly higher levels of awareness.
Later on, while by myself, I reasoned that this continuum of awareness, like the electromagnetic spectrum, could extend ad infinitum in either direction, so then where is the end of it? It strikes me that any vibration is part of the manifest existence which, like the moon, has no light of it's own and only reflects the pure light of the unmanifest Self. No matter how refined awareness in vibration becomes there must still exist a subtle distinction (separation) between the perceiver and the perceived until such times as awareness is turned back upon itself and merges with it's own source as the ever effulgent Self of Pure Consciousness. The One without a Second.
The following morning I went for Satsang with A.Ramana and asked him many questions about Self-Enquiry trying to understand what is meant and to relate it to my own experience. It came to a point where, even although I only had one question left, he put the kaibosch on me saying that I ought to just do it rather than continually objectify it and ask questions about it. It was a slightly heated exchange and in the end I just had to shut up and close my eyes.
My ego was quite provoked feeling somewhat misunderstood, frustrated and even slightly resentful, however I did not take it too seriously and recognised the value of having a very obvious expression of 'me-ness' to watch in meditation. Later on outside in the second session someone asked a question about what the Sages describe as the unreality of the world. A.Ramana was espousing the typically Advaita Vedantic (the Indian school of non-dual philosophy) view that the world has no objective existence independent of ones subjective perception of it, such that when one goes to sleep the world ceases to exist and then springs back into existence upon awakening.
I found this objectionable and did not accept his arguments or assertion that unless one accepts the unreality of the world then one can never transcend it. I sat there quietly simmering and yet in quite an aware state. No-one was saying anything and then A.Ramana said that if anyone had any questions then they had better ask them now while there is the opportunity. After ascertaining that he was accepting questions and comments from me I expressed my disagreement. He said he can understand why I would find it hard to accept but never the less.......................
Afterwards I read a chapter he had recommended to the original asker of the unreality question and found that what A.Ramana was saying was almost verbatim what Ramana Maharishi had been recorded as saying on the topic. Ramana Maharishi also said that the really important thing is not whether or not the world is real but to find out to whom it is seeming to be real or unreal. That is also a message continuously affirmed by A.Ramana whose stated mission is to preserve and disseminate the pure teaching of Sri Ramana Maharishi.
In the afternoon I went to Werner Satsang and put the question of the stated unreality of the world to him. He said that in a way it is true if we consider from a quantum physics point of view that there is no such thing as solid matter - it is all just ghostly vibrations of energy popping in and out of existence. Really there is just some big interrelated energy field out of which our senses and mind create some sort of picture of reality. On the other hand, there does seem to be consistency and common ground to this experience of the world. He advised just to accept it as a mystery, as some kind of holographic magic show, and the best position to take on it is no position, honestly accepting that one does not really know how it is. The main thing again being to come back to the centre and reside in that pure awareness of now. Werner is good as he can talk from many points of view and gives answers which are easily related to.
Finally in the evening I went back to Madhukar. I had no questions and after taking a comfortable posture went into quite a deep or high state of meditation where I remained silently alert for the duration of the Satsang and for the sing-along afterwards.
This morning as I lay on the bed after a papaya breakfast I asked myself 'who is lying here?', answer 'I am', 'and who am I?'
'who is having these imaginations?' 'I am' 'and who am I?'
'who is enjoying this pleasure?' 'I am' 'and who am I?'
'who is suffering this misery?' 'I am' 'and who am I?'
'who is thinking these thoughts?' 'I am' 'and who am I?'
The questions are just a way to short circuit the thinking process and to invoke the sense of 'me-ness', continually redirecting awareness back to it; this 'me-ness' which is said to be the lynchpin which underlies the whole structure of ego-mind-body identification.
If I am understanding correctly then this is Self-Enquiry, which is said by the Sages to be the direct way to dissolve the illusion of separateness and whereby Self-Realisation becomes apparent. By consistently cultivating this enquiry the individual 'I am' eventually becomes purified from mind identification and merges back with it's source - the Pure Self.
So the way seems clear enough; all that remains is to apply it and see it through to its conclusion. Even the so called conclusion is not in our hands and is said to be an act of Grace whereby the Universal Self seemingly reaches down and lifts us up into a new way of Being. All we can do as apparent individuals with apparent free will is to do the best we can to be present and in making ourselves available and presumably sooner or later somethings gotta give. There is no telling how long it could take; it could happen this very instant or it could take a long time so I guess one of the keys is to find the balance between intensity and relaxation.
Once the job is done then life in all it's expressions is said to be experienced as a direct manifestation of the Self in motion. There is said to no longer be any separation between stillness and activity, subject and object. All is a play of Oneness. I guess that is something which has to be experienced to really know what it means.
So that's that. On to more everday topics, I mentioned before that I have a nice story to tell and some nice pictures to share which I intend will be the subject of my next post. Some of you will have received an invitation to join Facebook from me. The reason for that is that I intend to use Facebook to post a greater number of photo's than I am able to on this blog and maybe even some short movie clips. However in order to view that you will need to become a member which is actually very painless and easy. If you want it to the website will even do a search for you of all the people in your email address book who are already members and link you up. I was surprised how many of my friends were already members and am glad that I finally joined.
Monday, March 2, 2009
that thing which feels like me
The following blog post is entirely devoted to the topic of self-enquiry. I will post another blog soon with more stories and pictures etc.
This thing about self-enquiry can seem a bit abstract with all of this looking for the 'I' thought. My friend Bill said a very helpful thing to me in an email, inspired as he was by ex-jailbird Satsang giver John Sherman.
What he said was to give attention to that thing which feels like me. That I found helped me as 'that thing which feels like me' is somehow more tangible and real than a fleeting 'I' thought.
'That thing which feels like me' is the internal feeling-sense of 'amness' or 'I am'. Mooji explained it well in his final final Satsang here this morning. Quoting Nisargadatta Maharaj he said that this feeling-sense of 'I am' is like a doorway or a bridge; on one side it leads to infinity and on the other it leads to the bondage of mind identification.
From this subjective feeling-sense of 'amness' arises the 'I' thought which identifies itself with externals. Mooji described the 'I am' as a chamelion being which takes on the colour of that which it identifies with. If it is identifying with the mind through the 'I' thought then the sense of who we are becomes dependent upon the self-image, situations and circumstances.
If on the other hand we give our attention to the pure sense of 'I am' (that thing which feels like me), not indulging in the habit of imaginations, then the sense of who we are begins to merge with the non-changing peace and inherent wholeness of the inner Self.
It is not a fight, thoughts will naturally come and go; the key is to patiently keep bringing the attention back to the pure sense of 'I am' when we become aware of our attention having wandered. With cultivation it is said to stablize until eventually nothing can overshadow it.
If that still seems intangible then a good way in is by meditating upon the natural flow of the breath in a similar manner. Once the body, mind and breath have settled down then one can turn ones attention towards the feeling-sense of 'I am'.
One can silently ask oneself the question 'who is sitting here?' or 'to whom are these thoughts occuring?'. Naturally the answer comes 'I am' or 'to me'. That is the clue; pay attention to this sense of 'I' or 'me'. One can then ask oneself 'and who am I?'. This is not an invitation to speculative thought but simply a device to maintain an alert and inquisitive focus of awareness upon this inherent sense of 'amness' - that thing which feels like me.
Generally it is recommended to set aside a period of time once or more a day to close ones eyes and give ones full attention to this enquiry (say 10/20/30 mins to start with). This sets the tone, then during the rest of the day to maintain an awareness of this inner 'I am' as best as one can and gradualy gradualy it becomes more established.
I just wanted to share that with you! :)
This thing about self-enquiry can seem a bit abstract with all of this looking for the 'I' thought. My friend Bill said a very helpful thing to me in an email, inspired as he was by ex-jailbird Satsang giver John Sherman.
What he said was to give attention to that thing which feels like me. That I found helped me as 'that thing which feels like me' is somehow more tangible and real than a fleeting 'I' thought.
'That thing which feels like me' is the internal feeling-sense of 'amness' or 'I am'. Mooji explained it well in his final final Satsang here this morning. Quoting Nisargadatta Maharaj he said that this feeling-sense of 'I am' is like a doorway or a bridge; on one side it leads to infinity and on the other it leads to the bondage of mind identification.
From this subjective feeling-sense of 'amness' arises the 'I' thought which identifies itself with externals. Mooji described the 'I am' as a chamelion being which takes on the colour of that which it identifies with. If it is identifying with the mind through the 'I' thought then the sense of who we are becomes dependent upon the self-image, situations and circumstances.
If on the other hand we give our attention to the pure sense of 'I am' (that thing which feels like me), not indulging in the habit of imaginations, then the sense of who we are begins to merge with the non-changing peace and inherent wholeness of the inner Self.
It is not a fight, thoughts will naturally come and go; the key is to patiently keep bringing the attention back to the pure sense of 'I am' when we become aware of our attention having wandered. With cultivation it is said to stablize until eventually nothing can overshadow it.
If that still seems intangible then a good way in is by meditating upon the natural flow of the breath in a similar manner. Once the body, mind and breath have settled down then one can turn ones attention towards the feeling-sense of 'I am'.
One can silently ask oneself the question 'who is sitting here?' or 'to whom are these thoughts occuring?'. Naturally the answer comes 'I am' or 'to me'. That is the clue; pay attention to this sense of 'I' or 'me'. One can then ask oneself 'and who am I?'. This is not an invitation to speculative thought but simply a device to maintain an alert and inquisitive focus of awareness upon this inherent sense of 'amness' - that thing which feels like me.
Generally it is recommended to set aside a period of time once or more a day to close ones eyes and give ones full attention to this enquiry (say 10/20/30 mins to start with). This sets the tone, then during the rest of the day to maintain an awareness of this inner 'I am' as best as one can and gradualy gradualy it becomes more established.
I just wanted to share that with you! :)
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