Tales from the road

Universal Absolute Being

2012-01-04T22:00:00.000+05:30

"This impersonal absolute Being, or God, as the essential constituent of creation, is pervading all fields of existence. It is omnipresent, It is of transcendental nature beyond everything of relative existence. It is beyond belief, thought, faith, dogma and ritual.It lies beyond the field of understanding, beyond mind and intellect. Being transcendental, it cannot be comprehended by thought; It is beyond contemplation and intellectual discrimintaion and decisions. It is the state of Being. The Being of all is the omnipresent, impersonal God.

It is beyond knowing; It is knowingness itself. Because it is the Being of all, to realise It means just to be what one is. Being is realisation of the impersonal, omnipresent God. For anyone to be it is only necessary to be. No path to one's own Being could be thought to exist, no path of realisation of the impersonal God, omnipresent Being, could be shown, because the very conception of "path" takes one's self out of one's own Being. The very idea of a path introduces the conception of something far away, whereas Being is the essential oneself. A path means a link between two points, but, in omnipresent cosmic Being, there cannot exist two different points or states. Omnipresent means "present everywhere"; It pervades everything, and, therefore, there is absolutely no question of a path. It is just a question of Being, and, even when one is established in the different states of manifested creation, one is established in the state of Being, but in a different form. So Being cannot be different from what one already is, and this leads us to conclude that the question of a way for the realisation of the Absolute just does not arise.

Therefore, the realisation of the omnipresent almighty impersonal God is the natural state of one's Being. If a way to realise the impersonal omnipresent could be expressed, it could only be said to be a way of coming out of what one is not. To be is of an impersonal nature, so, in order to be one's Self, it is only necessary to come out of the personal nature, come out of the field of doing and thinking, and be established in the field of Being. Being is the realisation of the impersonal."

Pg 270 Science of Being and Art of Living, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

Francis Lucille – Awakening to Reality

2012-01-03T22:30:00.000+05:30

Awakening is the experience of consciousness seeing itself,in the absence of objects, in its total freedom and independence, in itsautonomy. It is a revelation of absolute happiness, of absolute splendor, ofabsolute love and intelligence. That would be awakening or enlightenment. As aresult of this transforming event a gradual elimination of the residuals ofignorance takes place. That could be called the self-realisation process andends up in the experience of our natural state which is the absence of anyillusion as to what we are, either at the level of thought, of concepts, or atthe level of bodily sensations, feelings or sense perceptions.

Duality is the belief in the existence of more than onereality. Non-duality could be expressed by the simple formula ‘there is onlyone reality’. Another word I think deserves to be defined is the wordconsciousness, or awareness. In my vocabulary I use both as synonyms.Consciousness is that, whatever that is, that is hearing these words right now.

We are absolutely certain that these words are not lost,there is a receiving end, there is some entity in this moment which hears andunderstands these words, they are not lost in some nothingness, some oblivion.They are being heard, being perceived, and consciousness is precisely that, whateverit is [that perceives].

We usually believe it to be, if you come from thematerialist vantage point, the physical body that does the perceiving. If wecome from the idealist vantage point we believe it to be the mind. In otherwords we identify this consciousness in most cases with some kind of an objectwhich is limited, the limited human body or mind. Now, my contention is thatthere is no evidence of such limitation, that there is no experiential evidencethat there is such a limitation of consciousness or in consciousness. Webelieve that there is plenty of evidence that consciousness is limited, webelieve there is a full body of evidence, but we believe that only for as longas we don’t try to take this evidence into consideration, to look at it. As wetry to look at we discover there is none.

All questions boil down to one single question ‘Who or whatam I?’ If we look at our human experience, everything we know we know it eitheras a thought, or as a sensation in the body, or as an external senseperception, something we hear, something we see. That’s the nature ofeverything we know at the phenomenal level. Now our experience is composed oftwo sides if you will, on the one side phenomena and on the other theconsciousness that knows. That’s all there is to our experience, that which isknown and that which knows.

Also, there is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, an element ofreality to our experience. If I come to you and say that your experience is acomplete illusion, it is non-existent, you would say now wait a minute, in myexperience there is something rather than nothing. What I perceive may be adream, however the fact that there is consciousness, that there is perceivingis beyond a shadow of a doubt at least to me, and that is sufficient for me tosay that there is something rather than nothing.

There is an element of reality to experience, so where doesthis element of reality lie? Where is it to be found? Certainly not on theperceived side of things, because, that which is perceived always changes, isnever the same. Thoughts, perceptions, sensations, they come and they go. Sincethey are not lasting, they are impermanent, reality cannot be found there.

The only thing that is permanent in our experience is theconsciousness. Therefore the reality of our experience, the centrality of ourexperience, the core of our experience is the consciousness. It is that whichwe call ‘I’ or the Self. So ‘I’ or the Self is the reality of our experience.

See for yourself, on the one hand without a shadow of adoubt there is an element of reality to your experience, and this realitycannot belong to that which is perceived, because after all what you areperceiving could be a dream in this moment. When we are in the midst of a dreamwe are not aware that we are dreaming, the implication being that right now wecould be in some kind of a dream. I am not saying a night dream, but some kindof a dream. However that which is common to the dream and all the states isconsciousness. Therefore since everything we perceive could be anillusion the only place where reality could be found is in the consciousness. Sincewe are so certain that there is an element of reality to our experience thenthat reality could only be found in and as the consciousness which perceives. Ithink I rest my case.

Culled from the Francis Lucille non-duality interview on conscious.tv (between the 4^thand 16^th minute)

The Life and Teachings of Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

2011-12-18T22:00:00.000+05:30

I found an excellent and comprehensive article on Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj available here: http://www.enlightened-spirituality.org/Nisargadatta_Maharaj.html

The multidimensional article is written by Timothy Conway who is the author the well received book 'Women of Power and Grace: Nine Astonishing, Inspiring Luminaries of Our Time'.

"My Guru told me: “...Go back to that state of pure being, where the ‘I am’ is still in its purity before it got contaminated with ‘I am this’ or ‘I am that.’ Your burden is of false self-identifications—abandon them all.” My guru told me, “Trust me, I tell you: you are Divine. Take it as the absolute truth. Your joy is divine, your suffering is divine too. All comes from God. Remember it always. You are God, your will alone is done.” I did believe him and soon realized how wonderfully true and accurate were his words. I did not condition my mind by thinking, “I am God, I am wonderful, I am beyond.” I simply followed his instruction, which was to focus the mind on pure being, “I am,” and stay in it. I used to sit for hours together, with nothing but the “I am” in my mind and soon the peace and joy and deep all-embracing love became my normal state. In it all disappeared—myself, my guru, the life I lived, the world around me. Only peace remained, and unfathomable silence. (I Am That, Dialogue 51, April 16, 1971)"

"The Maharaj always taught that one must stand prior to all identifications with "I am this" or "I am that" and dwell in the basic "I am" sense until the Divine Grace of one's Real Nature awakens one to the Absolute Awareness beyond even the "I am"-sense."

Dr. Jean Klein and Truth

2011-12-17T22:30:00.000+05:30

"My master always pointed out to me duringour life together that all perceptions need an UltimatePerceiver. The ultimate perceiver can never be the object ofperception. Once false identification with the body isunderstood, we are led to the question 'Who am I?'--and the onewho asks is himself the vivid answer. The searcher is himselfthat which is sought." (Neither This Nor That I Am, vi)

Then one morning, "between deep sleep and awakening, there wasa sudden vanishing of all the residues of 'my persons', eachhaving believed themselves hitherto to be a doer, a sufferer, anenjoyer. All this vanished completely, and I was seized in fullconsciousness by an all-penetrating light, without inside oroutside. This was the awakening in Reality...... In this non-state therewas a freedom, full and objectless joy." (ibid., vii)

Like all teachings that hold that our real natureis truth, what Dr. Klein says is essentially simple:

"You are primal awareness. Life is onlyprimal awarenss. Between two thoughts or two perceptions you are.You know moments in your life when a thought completelydisappears into silence, but still you are." (The Ease ofBeing, 13)

This primal awareness is that which underlies allother kinds of awareness.

"At first you may experience silentawareness only after the dissolution of perception, but later youwill be in the silence in both the presence and absence ofobjects." (ibid., 15)

Dr. Klein also calls this ultimate subject, thewitness (ibid., 17) and the Self (ibid., 63). And though it maysound very removed from ordinary life, in fact it is the oppositebecause, no longer caught up in objects and therefore in desireand fear, it is open and free. So its true nature is love.

"If you let your attention go to your ear,you'll feel that it is constantly grasping. It is the same withthe eye, the mind and all your organs. Let the grasping go andyou will find your whole body is spontaneously an organ ofsensitivity. The ear is merely a channel for this globalsensation. It is not an end in itself. What is heard is alsofelt, seen, smelled and touched. Your five senses, intelligenceand imagination are freed and come into play. You feel it isbeing completely expanded in space, without centre or border. Theego, which is a contraction, can find no hold in this presence,and anxiety, like and dislike dissolve." (Who Am I?, 72)

Self-enquiry

2011-12-15T22:00:00.000+05:30

Excerpted from the David Godman interview on Ramana Maharishi linked in the previous posting (Pg4).

"JD: With regard to the actual technique, would you say that it is to be aware, from moment to moment, what is going on in the mind?

DG: No, it's nothing to do with being aware of the contents of the mind. It's a very specific method that aims to find out where the individual sense of 'I' arises. Self-enquiry is an active investigation, not a passive witnessing.

For example, you may be thinking about what you had for breakfast, or you may be looking at a tree in the garden. In self-enquiry, you don't simply maintain an awareness of these thoughts, you put your attention on the thinker who has the thought, the perceiver who has the perception. There is an 'I' who thinks, an 'I' who perceives, and this 'I' is also a thought. Bhagavan's advice was to focus on this inner sense of 'I' in order to find out what it really is. In self-enquiry you are trying to find out where this 'I' feeling arises, to go back to that place and stay there. It is not simply watching, it's a kind of active scrutiny in which one is trying to find out how the sense of being an individual person comes into being.

You can investigate the nature of this 'I' by formally asking yourself, 'Who am I?' or 'Where does this ''I'' come from?' Alternatively, you can try to maintain a continuous awareness of this inner feeling of 'I'. Either approach would count as self-enquiry. You should not suggest answers to the question, such as 'I am consciousness' because any answer you give yourself is conceptual rather than experiential. The only correct answer is a direct experience of the Self."

"It needs practice and commitment. You have to keep at it and not give up. The practice slowly changes the habits of the mind. By doing this practice regularly and continuously, you remove your focus from superficial streams of thoughts and relocate it at the place where thought itself begins to manifest. In that latter place you begin to experience the peace and stillness of the Self, and that gives you the incentive to continue."

A transcript of the introduction and the three chapters on self-inquiry from David Godmans book 'Be As You Are' is available here: http://bhagavan-ramana.org/ramanateaching.html

'Even if one thinks constantly 'I' 'I', one will be led to that place.'
from 'Who Am I?' the earliest record of Ramana Maharshi's teaching.

It will be noted that the inward repetition of 'I' can be an effective support to help keep the attention turned inwards towards the inner feeling of 'I', the inner feeling of oneself.

The word itself is not the focus, but rather that which the word signifies.

The Life and Teachings of Sri Ramana Maharishi

2011-12-10T19:49:00.001+05:30

A good introduction is available here: http://davidgodman.org/rteach/jd1.shtml

Be As You Are

2011-12-10T17:29:00.001+05:30

As I understand it, the higher teaching of self-enquiry is that there is no need to do anything inorder to Be; You already Are.There never was any bondage so there is no question of any liberation; the Self is already realised.The screen of the Self is always present and is not effected by any movie playing on it.Fire cannot burn it, water cannot wet it and wind cannot blow it away.Simply recognising this is enough.However the Self tends to get identified with the movie giving rise to the mental fiction of 'I'.Simply withdrawing attention from thoughts, and back onto Self is enough.If identification is stronger then apprehending the aham-vritti is recommended.The aham-vritti is the feeling or sense of 'I' at the root of the mind.By isolating the aham-vritti with the attention the mental process is arrested and what remains is simply You.The experience may be intermittent at first but with repeated practice it becomes easier to reach and maintain.Gradually the quality of Conscious Being overtakes that of doing and is maintained even in the midst of activity.There is no problem in thoughts; only in identification and attachment.The Self already is; mind only appears to veil it.All efforts are simply to dispell ignorance and what remains is You.'Be As You Are' is the title of the excellent compendium on the teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi as edited by David Godman. Read a review of 'Be As You Are' here

In Conclusion...

2011-11-23T18:34:00.003+05:30

When caught up in the mind ask 'who is?'
naturally 'I am'
who or what is this 'I'?

before 'I am this' or 'I am that' or any other concept or identification
see that 'I' indicates a wordless sense of self
a silent feeling of oneself 'I,...I,...I,'

a sense of self existence, that 'I am'

From 'I Am That' Talks with Nisargadatta Mahraj
(excerpted from the appendix and foreword)

The Nisarga Yoga, the ‘natural’ Yoga of Maharaj, is disconcertingly simple -- the mind, which is all-becoming, must recognise and penetrate its own being, not as being this or that, here or there, then or now, but just as timeless being.

To delve into the sense of ‘I’ -- so real and vital -- in order to reach its source is the core of Nisarga Yoga. Not being continuous, the sense of ‘I’ must have a source from which it flows and to which it returns. This timeless source of conscious being is what Maharaj calls the self-nature, self-being, swarupa.

This dwelling on the sense ‘I am’ is the simple, easy and natural Yoga, the Nisarga Yoga. There is no secrecy in it and no dependence; no preparation is required and no initiation. Whoever is puzzled by his very existence as a conscious being and earnestly wants to find his own source, can grasp the ever-present sense of ‘I am’ and dwell on it assiduously and patiently, till the clouds obscuring the mind dissolve and the heart of being is seen in all its glory.

Return again and again to ‘I am’ until it is your only abode, outside of which nothing exists; until the ego as a limitation of ‘I am’, has disappeared. It is then that the highest realisation will just happen effortlessly.

Musings on the Road to Nowhere

2010-03-03T10:02:00.003+05:30

My feeling is that as long as I am alive then I need a healthy sense of ‘I’. Much of what I have spoken of in this blog about my learnings and experiences in India relates to dissolving and transcending the sense of ‘I’, or ego identification as a seemingly separate, autonomous individual, but as written in the last posting, I now feel that the situation is somewhat more of a balance between the sense of being an individual and that of simply Being.

In the fullness of time, if even that sense of individuality is permanently consumed in some ascension to a higher experience of reality then so be it. I don’t even know if that is possible but the testimony of some of the greats, like Ramana Maharishi, seems to indicate that something like that is indeed the case. However, unless we are established in the same experience, then we can only have a very limited idea of what Ramana’s experience of reality actually was based upon our own limited frame of reference.

Even Ramana said that the sense of ‘I’ is still there as long as the body persists but that in the case of a Gnani (a liberated one) then it is like the shell of a burned rope, it looks the same but it no longer has any power to bind. Certainly, in the practical operation of the ashram Ramana demonstrated that he had a clear sense of right and wrong with many reports of his stepping in and reprimanding the management staff when he became aware of any favoritism or unjust policy being practiced. Not in any sense of his assuming some dogmatic or moralistic positionality but in the sense of a natural impeccability in upholding the equality and inter-relatedness of all life.

This question of behaviour in relation to Liberation is an interesting one. Some take the view that Liberation means that ones behaviour should be beyond reproach (in other words a transformation or divinisation of the human personality) while others take the view that Liberation simply means that we are no longer attached to and identified with the personality (which may continue to partake in all kinds of behaviour which some would judge as being decidedly ‘unspiritual’).

As with many things, perhaps the truth of the matter is not easily grasped by the rational mind and we should be wary of indulging in any tendency towards sanctimony or arrogance in this regard, prematurely thinking that we know when all we may have is a cherished or convenient opinion rather than any actual real Knowledge, or alternatively falling prey to a state of confusion.

There certainly seem to have been many reported cases, as in Zen and Tibetan Buddhism, where the sometimes bizarre and even violent behaviour of a Master has appeared to result in the sudden enlightenment of a disciple. Equally there are many cases where one considered as such has appeared to abuse their position usually in some controversy involving sex, money, intoxicants and power. Indeed one could say that sex, money and power are the greatest intoxicants of them all.

So, bringing it back to the common experience, I know for myself that I seem to be living this life and making choices based upon my current level of understanding, realised potentials and limitations (unrealised potentials and natural boundaries). I also know that as my view of the world becomes more fluid, my understanding of life grows and my shortcomings are transformed into strengths (e.g. stubborn-ness into tenacity, anxiety into alertness) then I appear to be able to make better choices and to live a more satisfying and adventurous life.

So there seems to be a process of participative and even proactive evolution taking place based upon ones life experiences and how one consciously responds to them (the alternative being to remain entrenched in unconscious reactivity and thereby compounding ones ignorance). This process of evolution and living of life seems to necessitate an ‘I’ who experiences and interacts with life and at the same time the process of evolution seems to be accelerated by the ability to observe oneself objectively.

To be able to observe oneself in the sense of self-reflection upon ones thoughts, emotions, feelings and actions, but also in the sense of simply Being. That is in having an experiential and stable sense of the ground of Being, unconditioned by any identification with being this or that; simply to Be; the fundamental and underlying sense of existing which is inherently conscious and peaceful.

It would appear that these two aspects are complimentary. That the more we come to know, accept, transform and liberate ourselves as an individual then the more we naturally come to rest in the ground of Being. Simultaneously, the more we cultivate the natural resting in, and as, the ground of Being then the more our existence and growth as an individual seems to go more smoothly. If we appear to tip too far to one side, neglecting the other, then we may be temporarily out of balance with our self because surely if we are all inseparable units of the one life then there can be no separation or conflict between who we truely are at our core and how we express ourselves in life.

Then it becomes a case of gradual refinement and sudden transformations until one day, sometime in the Now, we become at-one with ourselves and come to realise that in reaching the supposed goal on the path to nowhere, it was indeed the journey which was and continues to be most significant.

"We must not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place as if for the first time."

T.S. Elliot

On Being and Becoming

2010-01-07T08:37:00.004+05:30

While I was in India I was largely exposed to teachings and teachers which propound that the individual is not real and neither are others or the world at large. All of these are considered to be an illusionary appearance in Consciousness which alone is the sole reality.

That human suffering is born of the mistaken notion that 'I' exist and that the solution to suffering is to Realize that in fact 'I' do not exist, rather only Being or Pure Awareness exists, that that is our true nature and all else is merely an inconsequential movie projection which will run its own predetermined course.

While I have certainly had several experiences during my spiritual career of seemingly going beyond the problematic functioning of the 'normal' mind, try as I may I have never been able to make this a permanent solution and have always had to contend with a rather unpleasant and bumpy return to 'reality'.

That is, the seeming reality of a mind which, at least to me, seemed more prone to living in fear and depression than most. This phenomenon at least partly explains my strong and long standing pull towards meditation as a possible solution or escape from such a situation. That meditation is a form of escapism is an accustation that I have long resisted, however in so far as it is aimed at escaping the confines of a painful mind to an apparently higher and more pleasant reality then it is true.

So during my long anticipated journey to India I naturally tried my best to meditate or 'Be' my way to a hoped for Nirvana. A final dissolution of the painful ego-mind and a new birth as a ................. I don't know what, but certainly one who had gone beyond and perhaps might be able to share that with others.

While it is true that in India I had many insights, experiences and periods of inner peacefulness; and while it is also true that over the years the contrast between my highs and my lows seem to be leveling out; never-the-less, upon my return to Australia six months ago I was faced with a familiar and urgent crisis.

That is the crisis of daily living. Of having to somehow find my place and my way in the conventional, practical world which has always seemed to be a very difficult challenge for me.

Where will I live? What will I do? What is my place in society? These are the issues which engendered in me a great deal of fear, confusion and hopelessness and which, so often in my life, have lead into extended periods of collapse and inertia.

To be confronted with such intense insecurity is not much fun and generally I have sought ways to numb myself against the pain. In my case that wasn't so much alcohol and drugs but the seemingly more mundane avenues of mega-doses of T.V., food, sleep and isolation.

This time I got out of that phase relatively quickly and notwithstanding an unexpected and very painful swelling on the tailbone, by September had managed to set myself up with a stable place to live and regular work as a night-time taxi driver.

Now that my situation and state of mind are relatively balanced and healthy, then rather than merely enduring this period of earning money until I can get back to India, I am actually somewhat enjoying myself and continuing my spiritual journey even here in the midst of ordinary life.

So, to return to the title theme of 'Being and Becoming', while on the surface my journey to India was primarily about Being, behind that was also the motivation that if i could only 'do' Being well enough and intensly enough then I might finally transcend the mind and become something or someone. In my life in the West the social pressure is very much about first becoming someone or something in society and then one might 'achieve' Being happy.

Since in my earlier years I apparently squandered several good opportunities for education and career advancement in favour of pursuing my ideals of spiritual freedom, and since now, by my mid-thirties, I have apparently still not really made anything of my life in a worldly sense then I have often had to struggle with poor self-esteem and harsh self-criticism during times when my mind was caught up in the dream of conventional society.

Of course, the real issue was not whether or not I had a career but rather a deep and fundamental sense of crushing fear and inadequacy which was plaguing and tormenting me. I hasten to add that most people probably also suffer from some kind of inferiority/superiority complex which will manifest in different ways and to differing degrees of intensity.

So, taking all of that into consideration, one can perhaps see the problem. On the one hand I was trying to meditate my way to no-mind, no-person, I am the Self; and on the other repeatedly being confronted with a mind full of personal pain which just would not go away and stay away.

Couple that with a deep and abiding confusion and conflict as to whether I am actually a person or not and with no stable frame of reference, then you can see why burying myself in the T.V. and avoiding both myself and the world was an appealing option!

So what has changed? Well, essentially I have come to accept the apparent contradiction that I am similtaneously both a person and not a person. As Pure Being I am already whole and complete and as an individual I have a need to grow, evolve and to meet my challenges in life.

I am both the silent non-involved witness to the process of change and I am the process of change itself. Neither caught up in the endless cycle of only becoming, nor in the staticity of only Being. Stradling both, I can move forward whilst remaining ever the same.

By resolving the conflict between Being and becoming I can take responsibility for uplifting my state of mind and functionality in life whilst remaining anchored within the ever-present stillness and freedom of Being.

Advaita philosophy and quantum physics may tell us that the physical world has no substantial reality independent of our mental contruct of it, but rather than dismiss it as an illusion I accept that it does have a practical reality within the context of living life and I embrace the possibilities for growth and experience that it offers.

For me the immediately relevant illusion is in the mistaken perceptions that I make every day. All of the false interpretations, assumptions and expectations that I project onto all of my experiences and which have their basis in the subconscious conditioning of my mind.

It is this burden of psychological and emotional wounds that almost all of us unconsciously carry around with us which generate so much suffering in life by clouding all of our perceptions and conditioning all of our behaviours. The good news is that it seems to be within our power to overcome and transform these shortcomings allowing us to develop into our true and fullest potential.

This life and individual existence may very well be a dream of sorts in the grand scheme of things, but then why not embrace the challenge and enjoy an adventurous and wonderful dream rather than suffering a nightmare of torment, mediocrity, boredom and denial?

That's what I think anyway........................

This too shall pass

2009-07-15T21:13:00.007+05:30

Well I've been back in the Western world now for about a week. One is struck by the lack of plastic rubbish and open putrid drains in the streets. Not to mention the livestock, throngs of people, incessant beeping of horns, exhaust fumes and all that. It's fairly cold here down in Australia in mid winter - not exactly arctic cold but it is getting below zero in some parts.

Another shock to the system was having to pay more for a 15minute shuttle train from Brisbane airport to the city than it cost to travel 1274km across India by sleeper train for 27hrs. The plus is the lack of bacteria and the opportunity to earn some bucks to finance the next expedition to the sub-continent. If I get my act together that is and notwithstanding being struck down by a killer dose of swine flu or becoming a refugee of the 'global financial crisis'.

So India. She's a beauty alright; apart from all of the shitty stuff of course. In my time there I managed to come into contact with over a dozen Saints, Sages, Swamis and Satsang givers, most of whom I would rate quite highly in the Consciousness stakes (in so far as I can tell). I also got mauled by a dog, had two fairly serious bouts of gastro-intestinal illness and nearly became an international fund raiser for a mother-daughter con-team.

Particularly during the month of March I went through an intensive period of introspection and blog publishing which seemed to revolve around a cycle of experience, conceptualization and doubt. It’s not in every place where one could have such an opportunity.

My conclusion based upon said introspections is that the much talked about ‘I AM’ is the simple and direct sense of existing common to us all but mostly overlooked. By persistently and consistently redirecting ones attention away from the egoic ‘I’ (thoughts/feelings/intentions/identifications) back to the underlying pure sense of conscious-being and abiding as that, then presumably/reportedly/reputedly, sooner or later, some thresh-hold is breached and finally some kind of permanent shift occurs which is generally referred to as ‘Self-Realization’.

I have yet to verify that last contention for 'my-so-called-self' and if anyone else gets there before me please let me know how it is over there, on-the-other-side, home and dry.

To refine that somewhat, and to pose an answer to a question which was certainly going around in my head, then this basic sense of existing (‘I AM’) seems to be the unadulterated reflection of the unmanifest pure transcendental consciousness in the individual being before the ego gets it grubby little hands on it and covers up our inherently free and peaceful nature with all kinds of crap and shit! Still, that seems to be the game and if the pundits like Ramesh Balsekar are to be believed then it’s all part of the set-up by the mysterious Source.

Another puzzle I encountered along the way was that at one point I was confused in this quest if I should be focusing more upon the expanded sense of awareness I associated with the head-less space or upon the grounded sense of being I associated more with embodiment. That may be a valid question as far as meditation (upon an object) is concerned but what I realize is that as far as self-inquiry (upon the subject) is concerned, then the real bone of contention is who is the one who thinks they are choosing anything?

I don’t know about this Self-Realization malarkey but it seems to involve something about being here-now in conscious-presence with acceptance of reality as it is. Well it sounds alright to me and in the absence of a better plan I guess I’ll keep plugging away at it in my own sporadic way and perhaps one day the veils will drop. Inner peace is perhaps a better term in that it doesn’t seem to carry so much baggage of expectation and projection of what such a way of being would be like.

Anyway, good luck to you all in your own journey of inner peace and thanks for keeping me company along the way. It may be that I get back to India relatively soon for a second round and it may be that some more of my dribbles will appear on this blog from time to time. If so and if you’d like to keep up with the dribbles then you can register with this free website : http://www.watchthatpage.com/ to be notified of any new updates as well as through the usual subscription routes.

Again, thanks for sharing the ride with me which made it all the more worthwhile - that is, if you or I really exist in the first place………………

Bon voyage fellow travelers and Aum Shanti.

From 'I Am That' - Talks with Nisargadatta Maharaj :

"In spite of its primevality the sense of 'I am' is not the highest. It arises with the body (and) when Pure Awareness is attained, no need exists anymore, not even for 'I am', which is but a direction indicator towards the Absolute. What prevails (then) is that which cannot be described, that which is beyond words. It is this state which is most real, a state of pure potentiality, which is prior to everything. The 'I am' (is a) mere reflection of it. Return again and again to 'I am' until it is your only abode; until the ego as a limitation of 'I am' has disappeared. It is then that the Realisation will happen effortlessly."

Brain in a jar and the kaleidoscopic universe

2009-07-06T21:14:00.002+05:30

It occurs to me that since our brain creates a picture of reality based upon electrical impulses from our senses then who is to say that we are not just brains in a jar in some laboratory floating in some nutritive solution and hooked up to electrodes feeding us impulses from some sophisticated computer?

I assume that I have a body but I only seem to experience it based on sensory input. Similarly, I assume that the people and places I perceive are also so real but are they anymore real then the people and places I experience in my dream? Certainly there seems to be more consistency and longevity to 'waking state reality' but does prove anything in itself?

Following on from the previous posting there is a sense of a personal me which assumes it is responsible for my life, my choices and my actions but is this anything more than some kind of perceptual illusion?

Maybe I am not a brain in a jar but maybe the brain itself is part of the illusion and the programmer is some kind of superconscious nonmaterial intelligence playing its own game.

The Sages tell us that all manifestation has its source in one Unified Consciousness which has created this drama and has individuated itself into billions of seemingly separate conscious entities. To experience itself evolving in awareness and eventually reaching the point of awakening from the hypnosis of separate individual doership to the reality of the one Unified Consciousness again.

Consciousness awakening to Consciousness, and for what? Maybe just why not? Just the play and experience of diversity and the joy of reunion once again, time after time and each time unique.

About the kaleidoscopic universe; if it's all just a play and perhaps there have been an infinity of universes coming into being (successive Big Bangs) and imploding back to the source again then perhaps 'In the Beginning', 'God' shakes up the energetic elements and parameters which govern the unfolding of each universe, rather like a kaleidoscope, and then each creation manifests its own unique beauty and symmetry according to multidimensional inter-related cycles within cycles. It may get ugly at times but presumably everything balances out in the end.

From the individual point of view? Might as well adjust to the uncertainty of life, realise that it's not personal and enjoy the ride; if one has the good fortune for that possibility.

Extension

2009-07-04T14:31:00.006+05:30

I was supposed to be leaving tommorrow but was able to put my flight forward 3 days which will allow me the opportunity to attend Guru Purnima with Ramesh Balsekar. Guru Purnima, FTWDK, is the full moon day in July which is the traditional time for celebrating and expressing gratitude for our spiritual guides. Wayne Liqourman is also arriving from America for the occassion - he is a well reknowned Satsang giver of whom Ramesh has said is his spiritual son.

The last two days Ramesh has been too weak to give satsang so we have been watching DVD recordings which is also fine. Of course we wish him to have good health but we've all got to go at some time and when the time comes for him I am sure he will go with full acceptance and gratitude for the remarkable and blessed life he has had. For this reason, being here at Guru Purnima with him is also very special as the general expectation among his close circle is that it may very well be his last.

I haven't spoken with him directly again since the first day but the teaching he shares is perculating through. There are many external factors in life over which I have little or no control; I can only repond to them in the best way I see fit and am able to in the moment. My choices in life are governed by my genetics, up-to-date conditioning, feelings etc. so the question is, is it really possible that I can choose any differently than I do in any given situation?

Did I choose my inherent tendencies, did I choose my reasoning and feeling capacities, did I choose what formative experiences and influences I would be exposed to in life? And if I did have any influence over these was that also not guided by the same such pre-exisiting factors? How much choice do I really have? Can I choose my next thought or emotion? Can I choose what life will bring to me in the next moment or is it all just happening?

Perhaps I cannot choose what is arising in each moment but I can choose how I respond to them? If so, is that apparent choosing not also a function of the level of my awareness and development combined with my conditioning and genetic predispositions? Can I not then change my conditioning? Conditioning is changing all of the time according to new inputs and internal evolution but again, what governs which inputs I am exposed to and my inclinations towards change?

When one starts investigating and analysing in this way then it certainly causes one to question the sense of personal 'doership' (I am doing; I am choosing) which we all tenaciously hang onto as an implicit unconscious assumption.

So many Sages and Wisdom Traditions agree that the sense of personal doership is the illusion and the cause of suffering. Buddha says 'Events happen, deeds are done, but there is no individual doer thereof' - Radical indeed.

If all of that is true then who or what is it that I think and feel that I am? The Sages offer answers but ultimately guide us to make the investigation for ourselves and come to our own experiential conclusions.

What I know is that I didn't choose to have the tendencies and inclinations that I have and therefore rather than feeling pride or shame about them it makes more sense to observe the internal mechanism and in that awareness the causes of self-inflicted misery seem to tend towards dissolution.

Along with self-investigation and self-attention I have recently been resonating internally during meditation and in daily life with the resonant sound of Aum. This practice of Mantra Japa is a time tested and Sage authenticated means of helping to relax and quiet the wandering mind. When the practice becomes natural, spontaneous and effortless then one is said to be going the right way about it.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Penultimate

2009-06-30T21:07:00.002+05:30

I'm in rainy Mumbai now after catching a cheap flight from Chennai. The decision came to abort my Nepal visa run idea for now and to return to Australia with my original flight booking on July 6th. If I hadn't used that ticket within a couple of months it would have expired. My general plan is to recharge the bank account and the immune system and then get back here for a second tour of duty sometime in the not too distant future only with less luggage.

While here in Mumbai for a few days I will be attending Satsang with Ramesh Balsekar who is quite well known across the world in the 'Satsang/Consciousness' circles. His own teacher was Nisargadatta Maharaj whom I mentioned in a previous posting. That is an interesting pairing as Nisargadatta was an uneducated tobacconist and Ramesh was the President of the bank of India. Consciousness knows no social barriers.

Ramesh is quite old now (92 I think) and very frail with no teeth which makes him a little difficult to understand at times. Apparently his wife passed away only a week ago so it seems quite possible that he himself is not long for this world. This morning I had a dialogue with him going into how I still get caught up in self-judgement at times and later on we got down to the fundamental question of 'Who Am I?'

He is also teaching the concept that Consciousness (or God/Universal power and intelligence) is all there is and we are part of that. That individual free will is an illusion (although we should do what we feel is best in any situation) and all actions are the unfolding of God's will. Therefore all so called good and bad are the expression of a Divine Play which is already predestined.

That may be the case but I argued the point with him that for me these are beliefs and I do not know the reality of the situation. There seems to be order and intelligence operating behind the scenes but beyond that I cannot say and prefer to leave such questions in the mystery basket.
It was at that point we got down to the fundamental of 'Who Am I?' and that ultimately stillness is the way, beyond the conceptual mind, with which I have no argument.

My visit to Mother Meera was good although undramatic. The stillness and silence of her presence are palpable and infectious. Also in between arriving there and leaving I dissappeared for a few days into TV land in my hotel room which was my first major exposure to the idiot box since I arrived in India. At least I caught some of my favourite type of documentaries on the Discovery and Nat Geo channels which are about surviving in the wild and on new eco-technologies.

Well, that's it for now. Next time I post will probably be a retrospective once I'm back in Australia. Hari Aum Tat Sat

Off the map

2009-06-16T09:14:00.005+05:30

Hello. Been 3 weeks or something. The main reason for my silence has been that I've been moving in the Keralan countryside where email cafes, english speakers and whiteman are scarce on the ground. I left Devamruta Swami with Indian friend Ajit and visited with Ajits family for some time who were very hospitable and fed me many mangoes and other copious food stuffs, so at a guess I would say I filled up the body reserve which had become somewhat depleted after the bouts of illness.

We visited some ashrams (like the places of Nityananda and Papa Ramdas) and met some pretty cool people including Swami Sunil, Swami Gyanistananda and another Silent Swami whom I don't know his name but had the opportunity to communicate with through pen and paper. That was a good one and he advised me to come back to that place and do 48 days of silent solitary meditation at the temple of Goddess Mookambika - not sure of the story but somehow she is connected with Adi Shankara mentioned in last posts. Normally I don't go much for the temple idol scene but there was definitely some mysterious powerful energy there which drew ones mind inwards.

Now I am by myself in Bangalore transiting on my way to meet Mother Meera in Andrah Pradesh who is an Indian lady saint whom many also consider to be an embodiment of the Divine Mother. She has quite a different style from Hugging Ma and tends to be more Silent and Still. I met her in Germany 10 or 12 years ago and in a gentle and gradual way she seemed to have quite a powerful influence on me. Somehow and somewhat, my views and presumptions were opened up and broadened out in a subtle way.

Currently I am meeting many people who are living a life largely free of any external roots or securities. At once it is attractive and challenging. 'I', the apparent controller of 'my' ship, doesn't give up clinging and choosing and knowing easily.

So I now have to get some details off the net and then find my bus.
Until the nest time, Hari Aum

Cool and breezy with Kerala Swami

2009-05-22T17:25:00.004+05:30

"This moment is the moment of entry; the feeling of Peace. All that there is to do is going into the sensation of the emotion - no verbal expression - touching the energy and let go, aware of the present moment."

These are some of the words on a brief information sheet in the meditation room at Devamrita Swami's simple home nestled amongst quiet village life in the lush Kerala country-side.

I got on the road again earlier this week after getting my test results back showing a mild reoccurance of Feb's Hep A attack. Nothing to do, nothing to worry about - in time the body clears it from the system. Rejoining my two travel companions who went on ahead we are now daily visiting a young (38) unpretentious Indian Swami whom I heard of through Jan from Aham Ashram in Tiruvannamalai.

STOP PRESS : as I am writing a big musical procession is going past receiving one Swami to town who is here to give some sort of healing camp. I saw the poster before - his Guru is Sri Sri Ravi Shankar who used to be involved with TM Maharishi and then branched out on his own in the early 80's and now has a substantial world wide following of his own. His 'lead product' is the 'Sudharshan Kriya' which is a daily vigourous breathing practice to energise the system and purify toxins. I learned it some years ago in NZ and quite liked it although I did not become a dedicated practitioner.

I should mention that I am staying in the town of Kalady which is celebrated as the birth place of Sri Adi Shankaracharya, a very important figure in Indian religious history who re-established the Advaitic Vedic Sanatana Dharma (one of the main streams of Indian religion/culture) in this land around 800 a.d. after centuries of Buddhist dominance.

We are staying temporarily in a rest house 5 mins walk from the Shankaracharya temple where the meditation vibration is palpable. TM Maharishi's own Guru, Bramananda Saraswati, was a descendant in the teaching line of Shankaracharya being somwhat akin to one of four Indian 'Popes' entrusted to keep the Vedic Advaita teaching tradition and social order alive (All is One; Unity in Diversity).

Anyway, back to Swami Devamrita Satsang. He is in the middle of nowhere so getting to him involves an hour or so on local buses which is an adventure in itself and quite pleasant once in the countryside. I don't quite know the Swami's full story but I gather that he had a more or less spontaneous Liberation Cataclysm sometime in his 20's at the holy mountain of Arunachala in Tiruvannamalai. After 7 subsequent years of seclusion and adjustment people started coming to him and the Teacher function naturally arose.

As expressed in the opening paragraph the main thing is the Silence which is the transformative catalyst, especially in the Presence of an Awakened One. There is also an opportunity to ask questions to help remove any confusions and thereby facilitating the process. That's basically it. No paraphernalia. No bells and whistles. No complicated philosophies. No strings attached. The house is simple and uncluttered, like the teaching, and Swami himself is light, easy going, spontaneous and uncomplicated.

I find it quite refreshing after the Amma experience where there is a general expectation of long years/lifetimes of purification through 'selfless' service (Seva) and deification of the Guru. I am more naturally inclined to the simplicity of the Silent herenow approach.

I asked Swami about this difference in emphasis and he responded that it depends upon the needs of the individual. For some the path of Seva and Devotion is more suitable and for others a more meditative path is the best. No doubt everyone needs a bit of this and that both but it seems to be a question of emphasis and horses for courses.

Although many of her devotees feel an inner personal guidance from Amma there is no doubt that Amma is directly working more on a level of the masses to uplift and ease the suffering of a large cross section of humanity.

When people asked Ramana Maharishi why he wasn't out and about helping the world he generally replied along the lines that the world we perceive is a very subjective one and instead of trying to change the appearance of 'out there' one should focus more on cleansing our own windows of perception through an inward process of self-inquiry and then see how it looks after inner transformation has occured. He also stated that the invisible vibrations of a Liberated One do more to uplift and sustain humanity than anything else.

That is not to say that Amma is not also spontaneously emanating uplifting vibrations but just that the outward expression of her inner state is on a different level and it's all good in the grand mysterious scheme of things.

It is all open but I think I will stay here visiting Swami for some time longer. I may not go to the North but either go back to Australia in July as originally planned (Visa's, flights, budget etc.) or renew my Visa in the nearer locale of Sri Lanka and keep going through to early next year. Time will tell..............

By the way, it's pretty rainy and thundery here in Kerala, but at least that keeps the temperature down. I recently heard that temperatures have been hitting 45'C back at the Mountain so I am happy to be under the protection of cloud cover. Makes drying your clothes a bit more difficult though and good job I have a good rain poncho from a very wet Koh Samui in Thailand late last year.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

seva and celibacy in mango heaven

2009-05-09T17:31:00.003+05:30

well apologies for the long gap but aside from slightly difficult internet access I also had a dose of suspected typhoid fever which saw me in the intensive care ward for a day or two hooked up to an IV drip. again luckily I was in a good place as there is a small hospital on the ashram grounds here in Kerala where they looked after me.

not as rough as the Hep A experience but still pretty rough on that first day especially when my room mate pushed me in a wheel chair to the doctors and due to dehydration and lowered blood pressure I became temporarily blind and deaf, feeling very not very good. anyway, I have made a quick recovery with only a bit of retreating general weakness to show for it. the diagnosis is not firm and I am awaiting some blood test results on wednesday.

so after over three months in the spiritual home of self-inquiry in Tiruvannamalai I finally hit the road and arrived in Hugging Ma's place on the opposite coast in Kerala. It was a pleasant over night journey with my two companions Satyajit and Bhakta Valsallam. Kerala in general seems a lot more green and lush compared to Tiru as well as seeming fairly clean (at least around here). It's also a lot more humid but that is balanced off by the cooling sea breeze as I am only a couple of hundred metres from the shore and staying on the ninth floor of one of the ashrams many pink high rise buildings.

while the spiritual flavour in tiruvannamalai is centered around recognising and abiding in the ever present pure awareness herenow, the mood here is one of gradual purification through selfless service to others and devotion to the guru (Amma in this case). it's quite a different approach and the deification of the guru is readily apparent in the ascribing of all the events which happen to one here being according to the guru's omnicient grace for ones ultimate spiritual benefit.

in practice the residents generally do alot of karma yoga (work) for the ashram and attend daily programmes of devotional singing, ceremonies and chanting. of course all of that can be a meditation in itself but in practice there is much less emphasis placed on silent sitting meditation and there is a lack of a dedicated quiet meditation hall for anyone to do so.

when amma is in the ashram she is giving darshan four days a week which consists of her meeting with everyone individually for a few seconds, giving them a hug and making some soothing sounds in their ear. to date they estimate she has hugged 28 million people worldwide and sometimes goes for twenty hours. in her perception the greatest lack in this modern world is love and care for ones fellow beings so she is on a grand mission to spread the good vibes. the other stand out feature of her activities, as previously mentioned, is the huge amount of humanitarian work her organisation accomplishes even being recognised by the UN for the effectiveness and efficiency of her tsunami relief work. in addition there are schools, universities, orphanages, hospitals and on and on.

as a child and young woman she was a crazy wild mystic rolling around in the sand in divine ecsatsies, singing and dancing to God and becoming lost in deep meditative states. her family and community were initially against all of this but after some adjustments she is now recognised as a great saint by many people throughout India and the world. she is very practical and down to earth too and has no problem in bossing people around and giving them tough love when she sees that the situation demands it.

there does seem to be some magical quality in the air here and it is easy to get swept up somewhat in the feeling that Amma is somehow aware of and is looking after each individual. her devotees consider her to be an incaranation of the Divine Mother aspect of God but it is easier for me to think of her as a tremendous spiritual and practical being who embodies the qualities of universal motherhood.

I have enjoyed my time here and I like Amma very much. my hugs with her have felt good and I enjoyed a very good quality of meditation waiting in the darshan queue for two hours and sitting in the large hall. like Ramana Maharishi, she herself says that the ultimate realisation is formless and yet there is a lot of focus upon her own form by her devotees which represents a time honoured tradition in India of worshipping and serving the guru.

I myself am somewhat resistant to becoming fixated on another person in such a way and prefer to keep things more open. at the same time there is no doubt that Amma, and other beings like her, are very potent spiritual forces and can act as a conduit or catalyst for many peoples inner journey. another area of my resistance is to the huge emphasis placed on serving others as a spiritual path.

I'm sure that suits some people and I certainly have no problem with being a generally good chap but it is not my inclination to make it a full-time profession. such activities are supposed to be selfless service but so long as the ego persists there is always going to be some form of self-interest in any action. An inevitable lack of authenticity must creep in where one is doing it not because one naturally wants to help others but because one somehow feels one should or has to do it for the purpose of some spiritual gain. then again it's probably as good a way as any to see the workings of ones mind in self-generating misery so long as one has some space and time to digest and process it all. that's what I think anyway; others would say just surrender to the guru, serve the guru's mission and the guru will take care of ones spiritual growth.

that is part of this traditional Indian culture. another part which I also resist is the whole emphasis that one is either a married householder raising children or one is a celibate monk fully dedicated to the spiritual life. that doesn't suit me at all and I don't think it suits the reality of modern western life either. people here say that Amma is more lenient with her western devotees in regard to having relationships etc. but still the general ethos seems to be that celibacy is the best way to go even for couples.

Amma was an ecstatic mystic (which still comes out in her bhajan singing) but I wouldn't exactly say that there is a tone of celebration in the air here. It would be interesting to come back for a return visit sometime in the cool season when there is a much larger contingent of westerners here and see how the vibe is as at the moment it is dominated by the Indian crew.

some other highlights so far : a very inexpensive ashram juice bar where one can get all manner of delicious fruits and juices; swimming in the sea which is nice and cool compared with the hot bath on the other side; watching dolphins and sea eagles in the morning; having some strange funny little frenchman come with five suitcases to share the room with Satyajit and myself; hearing the devotional singing and chanting wafting through the ashram at all hours of the day, and very high on my list of favourites is the abundance of seasonal sweet juicy mangos available here for next to nothing so I am fast becoming a dedicated mangotarian.

sometime after wednesday I will slowly start to head north (possibly via Goa, Pune, Dharamsala, Rishikesh etc.) taking two months to make my way towards Nepal where I plan to stay for a couple of months and return to India with a new six month Visa.

until the next time........................

Inside the Golden Ball of Enlightenment

2009-04-24T16:19:00.009+05:30

Or one could say Inside the Death Star as one has to admit that in this construction phase photograph the Matri Mandir bares a striking resemblance. What with the scam-girl drama it's taken me a bit of time to get around to reporting on my recent trip to Pondicherry and Auroville but now the dust has settled I will proceed :

So actually I was very impressed by the Matri Mandir, so much so that I extended my trip by an extra day so I could go inside once again. It's an amazing structure and going inside is like, to carry on the Star Wars theme, entering the Inner Sanctum of the Jedi Temple or like some ancient Atlantean Hall of Wisdom. I tried to get some inside photo's off the web but to no avail so I'll try my best to describe it.

The whole sphere is suspended above a white marble lotus water feature underneath which receives a ray of light which passes right through the central axis of the structure from the very top. When one goes inside, the curved walls are subtly lit in rose shades of colour with a kind of matrix structure spanning the inner surface. One is required to put on a pair of clean white socks (supplied) and is silently ushered through a doorway onto one of two upwardly spiraling suspended ramps which resemble the double helix of DNA.

Ascending as if through open space, spiraling upwards around the central column of light, one is awed into stillness by the magnificence of the place. Reaching about half way up the sphere one enters into the inner chamber. It is a large open circular space 24m in diameter and about 18m high. On the floor is a thick white luxurious carpet and twelve huge white columns reach up to the ceiling. The whole place is kept at a refreshingly cool temperature and in total silence.

A shaft of pure white light is focused in through the central apex of the curved roof and sent directly downwards into a huge, perfectly spherical clear quartz crystal ball which diffuses a portion throughout the otherwise dark chamber and sends the rest downwards to the lotus pond below. One takes ones place on one of 48 meditation mats laid out in perfect order around the hall, closes ones eyes and sits quietly.

The place has an atmosphere of deep stillness and is certainly conducive to meditation. The consort of Sri Aurobindo, 'Sweet Mother', specified and oversaw every detail of the inner structure and decor and said she would guarantee there would be a strong presence of the divine there.

Surrounding the great globe are twelve 'petals', or individual meditation chambers, each embodying one of several different noble qualities such as courage, generosity, aspiration etc. and each with it's own particular colour scheme and symbology.Clearly, the pure white, silent and zen-like inner chamber represents the simplicity and stillness of pure consciousness (white light) and the more outer aspects represent the diverse manifest aspects of that pure consciousness (all the colours and qualities of the rainbow).

As I said after jumping through all of the initial hurdles required I was impressed. Now I am able to go there freely and meditate inside for one hour between 9.30am and 10.30am with prior booking the day before. It is pretty cool. At the end of the day one doesn't really need any grand structures such as this to meditate in, Guatama the Buddha became Enlightened under a simple tree, but I have to say the Matri Mandir is impressive and I can certainly see myself revisiting and meditating there again from time to time.

Talking about trees there is also a 400 year old Banyan tree next to the Matri Mandir which is quite amazing. Banyan trees can become really huge and spread out over a large area. In order to support the bulk of the massive branches the tree sends down tendrils which take root in the earth and form new trunks. So one tree can actually create a small forest all by itself, all connected together to one original central core.

There were other aspects to my 3 day trip such as getting hit on by a gay Indian man on the town bus (offer declined), forming a bit of an infatuation with a hot French woman at the Matri Mandir bag deposit office, watching some movie footage from the 1950's of the Sri Aurobindo Ashram which resembled a Hitler Youth parade (complete with a slight variation on the 'sieg heil' salute), eating a meal in the Auroville 'Solar Kitchen', which prepares over 1000 meals a day by collecting sunlight to form steam for cooking, and making a few visits to the Indian sweet shop for Kulfi (very rich Indian ice-cream) and various other edible delights.

My next adventure is looking very likely to be a cross country train journey to Kerala on Monday night to be with Amma (famous hugging saint) for 10 days in her Ashram. Looks like I am going together with my Indian chess/meditator friend Batel Valsaram and a Swiss dude, Andreas/Satyajit, who has been living in India for a number of years. After that I am open. I have a few leads on various yogis, swamis, ashrams and gurus around Kerala I can follow up and then, I can come back here or I can proceed gradually north towards the Himalayas....................

It's a hard life with so many decisions to make but somehow, day by day, I am managing.

Epilogue

2009-04-22T15:34:00.008+05:30

Well that last one seemed to stir up a bit of energy. I gave the girl back her forged document yesterday morning. Taking Murugans advice I let things be rather than confronting them with their lies. Predictably the girl was still sticking 'sincerely' to her story that it was all a misunderstanding and blah blah blah. I just said yes, yes. She asked when I am coming for my next Tamil lesson, I told her I will let her know when I am coming next (which is never). She asked if I am angry with her. I said goodbye, got on my bike and rode off without looking back.

There was temptation to confront them but what good would it do really? It would only have been venting on them. They seem to be without conscience or remorse and don't seem to know the difference between truth and lies. Any energy given to them is only more fuel for their games of deception. I let it go and don't expect there to be anymore to this particular story.

Jan, from A. Ramana's Aham Ashram India, told me one other story of a bedraggled woman beggar she would always see with a small dirty baby, always with a runny nose. Naturally it evokes ones concern and compassion but the funny thing was she saw the same woman every year, year after year, with a different baby but with the same runny nose. She must have been renting the babies or doing some kind of profit sharing deal with the real mothers!

It's kind of funny really as well as being sad. These people are not nearly as miserable and pathetic as they always seem. It's all just part of the professional begging act which they prefer rather than working for a living. True, many of the lower level jobs don't pay much but ................................ it must be a complex story as to how this kind of pervasive degeneration takes place and of course, it's not only India. It's all over the world in different varieties.

Well, I'm glad that it's not up to me to try and solve all of the worlds problems. The other side of the coin is that India is a very cheap place for people like me to come and live for extended periods of time so I guess it's all part of the polarity of life. Who ever said this world was supposed to be a heaven? Things are like this now.........

the evil lieing little bitch and the prostitute hag sorceress

2009-04-20T20:55:00.005+05:30

I had wanted to give the girl the benefit of the doubt that she was just young, naive and misguided by her mother but it now seems that the whole family is corrupt to the core.

There is one man here who runs a local internet cafe/travel centre and he gave me a couple of heads up about this situation while I was still in the investigation stage. He himself has a good business and helps to sponsor some local kids. Today we went together to the girls home.

The girl is continually asking me for the statement back and I was slightly concerned that there may be some kind of local gang involved who might come looking for me if I didn't. I had initially been intending to keep it as protection against any extortion attempts.

The internet guy, Murugan, assured me that there is no local mafia or anything like that and there is nothing to worry about. We went there together, at a time arranged with the girl, and I was glad to see there were no hench men just the family and a couple of cows.

To cut a long story short Murugan won their confidence and got them talking. There is absolutely no genuine remorse, just more bullshit stories trying to cover their tracks and acting all innocent. They even tried to explain it all as a misunderstanding and asked if I can still give them money.

Talking in their local language, as Murugan informed me later, their contempt for what they perceive as rich stupid foreigners is thinly veiled and in their annoyance that I wasn't handing over the statement like they wanted, and in their pride and arrogance that I might think they are mere beggars, the old woman (who I had assumed was grannie but they called auntie) let slip that they actually own the land they are living on, and therefore are not the impoverished serfs they made themselves out to be.

Just continuous lies, deceit, attempted manipulations, feigned helplessness and story telling. Murugan also reckoned that they owned the plush a/c taxi that had been sitting there for a couple of weeks and that the mother (who he thought might actually be the girls older sister) is a small scale prostitute to a handful of local men. I'm not quite sure how he figured that last one out but he certainly seems to be pretty clued into how things work around here.

The latest thing is the girl sent me a text saying how very sorry she is, that I am her best friend and she needs my friendship. Friends like that I can do without. It's difficult to fathom how they can live like this and somehow think it is normal and okay. I have no doubt that they have been laughing at me and pouring their derision upon me all along and I've half a mind to turn the girl in to the college complete with the forged document.

However I probably won't because I can't think what kind of a monster it would help to create if she were thrown out of college and prosecuted. At least if she finishes her education she has a chance of getting a reasonable job and of going straight. On the other hand, India is full of corrupt people in all kinds of high places. Corruption seems endemic to India in this day and age and so these people are far from being unique even in this small place. The other reason for not doing it is that this is a place I am likely to return to many times and so I don't want to bring down a vendetta upon myself.

So what to say? What an eye opener. This place is full of human cockroaches, vermin and mosquitos. I am shocked and stunned. At the same time there are many dignified and good people here. It would be handy to be able to see aura's or something sometimes so one could more easily tell the difference. The 'mother' I found a bit manipulative from early on but the girl had me fooled good and proper.

about the girl

2009-04-19T11:35:00.002+05:30

So after a drawn out process of investigation I finally penetrated the story about the girl who requested help with her college fees. It turns out that she and her mother had been telling me a series of emotionally compelling lies to try and get money out of me.

Some of what she told me was true, that she is a student at the college doing the course she said, but her fee's for this year were already paid whereas she told me she had to pay the balance of $220US by early May or she wouldn't be able to commence the final year in June.

She and her mother are fine actors and obviously well practiced in the art of fleecing Westerners. However this particular Westerner wasn't about to accept anything less than water-tight evidence to verify their story.

After a series of lies and subterfuge which culminated in them producing a forged financial balance statement from the college, complete with the principals forged signature, I finally got to the bottom of it when I went and met with the vice-principal and got him to check the girls balance owing which turned out to be zero.

This was despite their best efforts to keep me away from the college with a series of stories such as foreigners are not allowed to visit college unless they are giving a donation and that the college will substantially increase her fees if they find out she is receiving financial help from abroad.

I went anyway, at first without telling the girls name, and then telling the girls name later when they left me with no other option. However I did it in such a way so as not to arouse suspicion with the school and without telling them about the forged statement which could land them in some serious shit I imagine.

The girl has admitted her lies to me and is now deperate to get the statement back which I have in my possession. I was intending to keep it as some form of protection incase they try some worse form of extortion but on the other hand one doesn't know how deep these things go and who is really behind it all.

Therefore rather than holding some incriminating evidence against them it may be better to give it back rather than risk some deperate action on their part to retrieve it. They do not know exactly where I live but this is a small town and they could probably find me if they really wanted to.

So exciting stuff and a first hand insight into the type of corruption which seems to penetrate Indian society at all levels. I can only hope that the girl does not continue along this path of lies but if she does she is only one of millions more. As Adam said in his comment on my original blog posting relating to this situation, India has some of the best of humanity and some of the worst.

It is impossible for me to know the girl and her families real situation. Whether they are working alone to try and scam income for their family or whether they are hooked into something altogether more sinister............................all I know is I'm staying well clear and hope that the 600 or so rupees I already gave them is all this will cost me.

in brief

2009-04-13T15:57:00.002+05:30

Just a short update. I just arrived in Pondicherry again for a couple of days. Now that I have some bearings it is a lot easier to come here. I knew a good cheap quiet clean guest house to go to. I got the local bus for 3 rupees instead of walking or paying 40/50 rupees for an auto-rickshaw (both at the Tiru end and this end). Later when I'm hungry I know a good place to go and eat. Also I just found an extremely cheap a/c internet cafe (10rps/hr) and all I need now is to find a good cheap bicycle hire shop - last time they wanted to stuff me for twice the price I pay in Tiruvannamalai.

Being a Scotsman, and probably past lives as a meditating monk, then frugality comes naturally to me which is also necessary since there is a good chance I will stay in India until next March so I've got to make that money stretch. I'm meeting a friend I know from Tiru maybe tommorrow and I have an appointment to meditate in the cosmic golden golf ball on wednesday morning.

Back in Tiru life is going on nicely. I've been playing chess regularly with Batelvalsaram and I'm generally kicking butt although he did beat me for the first time in 18 games the other night. He's not a push over so I have to concentrate and he seems determined to keep at it. I've also been going to see Aum Amma regularly and like her very much. She adds a whole dimension of sweetness and joy to what can sometimes be a dry path. Meditation is proceeding well and insights continue to accrue (I'll save that for another posting).

My investigations into the case of the student who asked for help are coming to a conclusion with my meeting the college vice-principal on Thursday. Some generous offers of help have already come in from family and friends to the extent that about $80US of the $220US required for college fees has already been pledged. There are some additional expenses of about twenty something dollars for exam fees and bits n bobs which I am covering myself.

I will report on the outcome of my meeting soon. Menaka (the student) is a very bright young woman (14) from a very modest economic background. She has been promoted ahead 2 years in school and so has a head start on her college education which is a Diploma in Electronic and Communications Engineering. She has been giving me a few Tamil lessons and so I'm getting to know her family a little as well as the regional language.

So that's it for now. Happy Easter.

Crazy Divine

2009-04-08T17:55:00.005+05:30

Hi there, well my blog writing has certainly stepped down a few gears after a very prolific March. I must admit I was probably spending too much time in the email cafe but all of that stuff was wanting to be expressed so that was that.

I'm pretty well although I did have two or three days there of boredom, frustration and confusion which seems to have passed now. Can happen where ever one is. That said it has become very quiet here and becomes increasingly hot. It is quite likely that I will hit the road in the next two or three weeks and head over to Kerala.

There is one famous Saint there commonly known as 'hugging Ma' or 'Amma'. She travels the world every year holding events where thousands of people come to receive her blessings which come in the form of a peronal hug as well as a very devotional and highly charged atmosphere.

I met her myself last time in London October 1999 while I was in the Royal Navy. At that time I was going through a lot of suffering due to inner turmoil over what to do with my life. During the weekend with Amma I tuned into and softened into the inner depths, helped greatly by her presence, and also received a big boost in energy from her. I was in a very peaceful state for about a week afterwards.

The turmoil returned but perhaps not so intense as before and some months later another breakthrough came with meditation where the confusion evaporated and I had a clear knowing that I should leave the Navy and come to India. As it happened I did leave the Navy but instead of going to India life had another plan and I ended up meeting Maitreya and emigrating to New Zealand instead.

That was a rich time and here I am 9 years later, imbibing the stillness of Arunachala and finally going to see Amma again. I have met several of her devotees here both Western and Indian and at one point there was a gang of five of us (all staying at the same Ashram) and we were going for swimming, walking around the mountain and afternoon refreshments together. I called us the Sat-gang but neglected to get a picture.

They have mostly gone now but there is one Indian man, Batel Valsaram, with whom I have become good meditation buddies. This morning we went around the mountain with one other dude, went swimming in one of the big man-made holy watering holes called 'Tanks' (far from people so I am confident it is clean) and then had a game of chess after lunch. That was the first time I had played since with my Grandad in Scotland over Christmas. It was quite a good match and gives the brain a good exercise. I won as it happened but we'll see how future games go.

Other things happening are the situation with the young college girl I mentioned in a recent post. I have been over there for a couple of Tamil lessons and think that that could be a viable business for her with the westerners. In addition two generous offers of help have come in so far in reponse to my blog request along the lines I suggested. I am just checking into some final details in the next days and then I'll give my report.

I have also been a couple of times to see one 'Aum Amma' a few km's from where I am now. 'Amma' means mother in India and is often a name given to lady Saints here. Aum Amma is very sweet. She appears to be in some kind of ecstatic devotional trance most of the time and during 'Darshan' (seeing/meeting with a Saint) there is devotional Indian singing while she is all decked out in flower garlands and covering herself and those nearby in buckets full of flower petals.

The first time I went, after the initial session, she met with each person individually in a private room and gives them a big hit of cosmic loving. Like hugging Ma in Kerala (who is much much more well known), Aum Amma is considered by her devotees to be an incarnation or embodiment of the Divine Mother. That is the cosmic principle or Divine expression of Love. I can't comment on that but I do know that there is a very special energy around some of these beings and I have met many people who have been helped to lasting inner transformation by it (Satsang Werner being one of them).

On the social welfare front Hugging Ma in particular has instigated or inspired huge amounts of service work in providing disaster relief, schools, education, work skills, medical treatment etc. etc. for many under privileged people in India. In general it is probably better to give money to well run aid organisations like this rather than to individual cases although there is always an exception.

I'm not sure that Aum Amma is compos mentis enough to put anything like that together or whether she could even hold a reasonable conversation. Apparently Hugging Ma was a bit like that too in her early days but eventually adjusted to normal functioning, or should I say super-normal functioning which might be more accurate.

So no cosmic fireworks so far but Aum Amma puts a smile on my face and warms up my heart. Check her out for yourself :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIGidWtaMD8

keeping it simple

2009-04-07T14:54:00.011+05:30

without trying there is a natural sense of existing
a natural sense of being
eyes open and eyes closed
abide as that
rest as that
remain alert as that
all is well
all is good

thoughts feelings and images come and go
this awareness-being does not come and go
only sometimes we are distracted from it

redirect attention back to the natural sense of being
ask 'Who?'
who is having these thoughts?
who is this I?
relax and rest quietly as that which already is

if that is not clear then feel the body and the breath
drop inside
awareness-being is right there
and its nature is peace
Aum Shanti

meeting the locals and an opportunitiy to help

2009-04-02T10:02:00.005+05:30

So last Sunday I was taking a bicycle ride around the quiet side of the mountain and came across a bit of a situation. Even in this small area there must be thousands of genuine situations of need as well as many scam artists out to milk gullible westerners for all they are worth.

So I rode past a small dwelling in a field off of a side road. A young girl called out to me if I want to buy any papaya or any coconut? I didn't then but on the way back I did so I popped in and the mother and daughter took me into the field to get some ripe fruits.

They were pretty friendly and the daughter spoke quite good English and she offered to give me Tamil lessons which is the native language in this state of India. Before long she started telling me a story of hardship and how she needs financial help with her college fees. In particular she had an exam tomorrow and needed to come up with 100 rupees ($2US) deposit on the exam fee or she wouldn't be able to sit it.

I said okay, I'll tell you what, I won't give you the money but I'll pay you 100 rupees in advance now for some conversational Tamil lessons. That worked out okay and I bought some fruit from them also. They tried to petition me for some more money, saying that she had had a foreign sponsor but that they had disappeared on her, but I left it at that and arranged to come back the next day for a Tamil lesson.

Next day after some lessons I got more of the story. There are four of them (grandma, mother, one teenage boy and the girl) living in one small dwelling the size of most peoples lounge room (not unusual in India). The father was an abusive drunk and has ran off leaving them to pay off the debt of money he borrowed from the land owner. So according to what they told me they are living as some kind of indentured servants to the land owner for very little money.

So, to cut a long story short, they are obviously looking to recruit some new comparatively wealthy foreign sponsorship to help the girl complete her studies which will then allow her to get a better paid job and to help her family. She is a nice girl and apparently a gifted pupil coming top of her class of 72 students in some exam.

On the one hand I was wary of being scammed by a plausible hard luck story and on the other hand if her case was genuine the amount of money she was talking about was not huge but could make a huge difference in this young lady and her families life.

After considering the matter I suggested that maybe I could help her to promote her own business giving Tamil lessons to foreigners which would help her to earn her own money and also to come in contact with more potential donors.

She also needs to pay off the remaining balance of 11,000 rupees (about $220US) for this current years study before June or she will not be allowed to commence her 3rd and final year of her Diploma in Electronics & Communication Engineering which can be funded more gradually by installments.

It does not seem feasible that they could raise that much money in two months without outside help. Wages are very very low here and it is the quiet time of year. Also they apparently have no assets or property to borrow against. I considered that $220US was quite a chunk for any one person to give her but that maybe if a bunch of people put in together then it would hardly be noticeable and yet would have a very big impact for her.

I told her that subject to certain conditions then myself and some friends overseas might be willing to help her. My conditions were that :

1) she provides some official documentation from the college to verify the balance owing
2) she arrange that I can meet with one of her teachers who can verify her academic and other details
3) if money is raised then I would not give it to her or her mother but would need to personally see it being paid directly to the college

I figured that if she is willing and able to meet these conditions then it would go along way to proving that her case is genuine and will ensure that the money went to the right place. She indicated this morning via mobile that she will organise it. Also I am going to meet with one retired scientist man who is an ex-neighbour and friend of the family who can perhaps help to substantiate the story and I have emailed the college to verify some of the general financial details.

I didn't want to be unnecessarily strict but there are too many stories of dishonest people making a profession out of scamming money from Westerners with all kinds of plausible yarns.

If all the details of her story check out as being genuine then I cannot really think of any good reason not to help her out. Generally I don't want to become involved in this type of thing as there is a seemingly unending ocean of disadvantaged people needing help in this world (especially in places like India) but I happened to become involved in this particular case and it seems that a little help would make a big difference in at least this one young persons life.

So while everything is being verified I would like to ask you all to consider if you might like to contribute something. I will certainly put in 10% of the $220US needed in the short term and perhaps if a few others feel to chip in as well then the target will easily be met without anyone of the givers really noticing such a modest amount. A little goes a long way in India and many small contributions help to fill the pot so even a couple of dollars or pounds will help.

I'll get back with further details as things unfold but if things work out then I envisage collecting contributions through any one of my NZ, AUS or UK bank accounts and I might be able to recruit a friend to do a similar thing in the US (and other countries as needed?).

Of course you would have to trust that I myself am not pulling an elaborate scam just so I can perpetuate the high life for myself!!!

time on my hands

2009-03-28T09:07:00.005+05:30

Hey I thought of a good acronym :
Sustainable Ecological Creative Spiritual Communities (SECSC) get it?!
say it like it sounds.

Pondicherry and Auroville

2009-03-27T14:40:00.005+05:30

Well I just got back last night from a couple of days excursion to Pondicherry and Auroville. Pondicherry is about a 3.5hr bus ride east to the coast and is an ex-french colonial town famous as the home of the Sri Aurobindo Ashram.

Sri Aurobindo was a contempory with Sri Ramana Maharishi and died in the same year of 1950. Aurobindo was an early key leader in the Indian Independence movement but later withdrew from politics to focus his energy on his spiritual work.

His main point seems to be that enlightenment doesn't stop with the individual becoming transcendentally liberated from suffering. For him he felt that what was needed was to bring the light of enlightenment into this world and transform it into an enlightened world.

I'm not all that familiar with the specifics but the basic idea seems pretty good. His spiritual partner, a french mystic known as the Mother, lived on until 1973 and in the late 60's she spawned the bold experiment that was to become known as Auroville.

Auroville is an experiment in community living which aims to integrate all the aspects of life into one holistic package covering the spiritual to the material and everything in between. It is a non-sectarian project with the backing of the Govt. of India and UNESCO covering quite a large area of land anout 12km north of Pondicherry.

Eventually it is envisaged to be a fully functioning city for up to 50,000 people however at the moment it seems to be more of a loose-knit and spread out collection of around 80 small communities with 1500-2000 people from all over the world. Each of the small communities has it's own particular focus such as organic farming, renewable energy technology, education, creative arts, healing etc, etc.

At the centre of the place, both physically and spiritually, is the Matrimandir, which is a huge spherical meditation chamber. I didn't actually get to go inside this time as they make you jump through quite a few hoops which I suppose protects it from being treated like a tourist attraction and helps to maintain the purity of the energy. I was able to go to the visitor centre and to view the structure from a distance. It's very impressive and big and puts one in mind of a huge golden golf ball from outer space that has landed in the middle of a horse racing track.

I hear it is good energy in there so I may or may not make it back for a repeat visit. Afterall it is all within oneself and I'm already living in one of the worlds great power spots of Consciousness. All in all, Auroville is quite an impressive place although, by their own aspirations, is still only in its infancy. They are doing some very innovative stuff and, while not being unique in their aspiration to combine spirituality and sustainable eco-community creative living, certainly seem to be one of the worlds largest and longest running modern day experiments along such lines.

They are not really set up for casual drop in visitors and so inorder to get a greater feel for it all one would probably have to live and participate in community life for at least some weeks. I'm not sure whether I want to do that at the moment or whether my little taste is enough for now.

Pondicherry itself is quite nice, at least the eastern coastal french part of town, with wide fairly clean and fairly peaceful streets. On the cycle back from Auroville I also stopped off at the beach and had a bit of a swim in the Indian Ocean which was very warm but still refreshing after riding in the hot sun all day.

The bus ride back was fun. After waiting at the bus station for an hour I just managed to get on the right bus before it left. Already it was over full but the driver let me sit up beside him on the box above the engine. It wasn't that comfortable but better than standing like a couped up chicken for 3hrs like many of the rest of them.

Another interesting Indian transport example I saw was a whole family of mum, dad, three small kids and a baby all on one standard Indian bicycle! I would have taken a photo only I was myself cycling and trying to avoid being squished by the many huge trucks and buses passing by, each trying to out do the other in the loudness and duration of their horn blasting.

Have a nice day :)

green eggs and ham - a glossary

2009-03-23T14:28:00.010+05:30

Self (I Am) - pure undifferentiated consciousness prior to individuality
self (I am) - the individual identity which when identified with thoughts becomes the false-ego

N.B. the higher and lower meaning of the same word is often differentiated by capitalisation

the feeling-sense of 'I' - the feeling of 'me' or 'I' at the core of the ego; the scent-trail of which leads one back to the source of the True 'I Am' as the Self
the True 'I' or 'I Am' - the Higher Self beyond thoughts or feelings

Self-Inquiry - the approach of focusing attention on the feeling-sense of 'I' such that thoughts drop off and the True 'I' or 'I Am' is revealed

Pure Awareness, Pure Consciousness, Pure Being - synonyms for the Self

Sat-Chit-Ananda - the three essential, inherent and inseparable qualities of the Self, namely, Existence-Consciousness-Bliss or Stability-Clarity-Peace

Embodied Beingness - a term I was using to refer to feeling very present, very still and very centered in the body which I was associating with the pure individual sense of 'I am'

I am as I am

2009-03-22T14:47:00.005+05:30

I am as I am
and it's okay to be me
because I Am became I am
just so I could see

This life is for living, loving and learning
so I set myself free
because I am that I Am
and that I Am is me

my story and all about me

2009-03-22T11:09:00.008+05:30

You know in case it escaped anyones notice this 'I' has aspirations to become some kind of a meditation teacher. I was reflecting on this this morning and how it seems to be one of my central ego-identifications.

I can trace this all the way back to when I was 16 and getting very into Transcendental Meditation (TM). After feeling intensely lost and separate I suddenly found something which made perfect sense to me and provided a pathway to travel and friends along the way. It was clear to me that I wanted to become enlightened and, when the time was right, to also teach meditation.

Of course I didn't, and still don't, really know what enlightenment is but at least I had a feeling that this was the right direction to take and a rational concept of what growth in consciousness meant. A concept which went something along the lines of releasing all of the internal crap that was making me miserable and keeping me separate, and similtaneously getting tuned up with the cosmic intelligence and all of the wisdom, power and peace that that entailed. When I say power, I mean using ones full potential rather than just getting by on the measley 10% or so they say we are using of our brains capacity.

So that whole TM journey is a story in itself which I won't go into now. Getting back to my aspirations as a teacher. Now these rantings on this blog are a reflection of my own journey of trying to gain and express some clarity on these matters; and it may be that some persons might find something of use, something of interest, something which resonates for themselves amongst it all or not as the case may be. But I was looking into it this morning from the perspective of what is in it for 'me'? What juice is my ego getting out of holding onto and pursuing this self-concept?

I took a pen and paper and started drawing it out. The first thing that came up is that it can give me a sense of self-worth, a sense of contributing something helpful to others. Seems harmless enough but the lack of cleanness and the ego comes in from basing my sense of self-worth upon something I do rather than naturally just feeling enough within myself regardless of what I do or don't do. In other words, ones sense of oneself to be based upon simply Being rather than having some kind of gun against my head based upon 'my doing' and 'my achieveing'.

Not only that but in perhaps seeming to help someone else in their own journey, or expressing something well and getting good feedback, that is feeding my own ego and helping me to feel good about myself. Then comes pride and pride comes before a fall. So I identified that beneath this seemingly innocent desire to help others is the not so innocent desire to help myself. On the one hand to prop up a lack of self-worth and on the other hand giving me a feeling of false pride, both of which stem from self-judgement, and fear of judement from others, that I am not already intrinsically enough as I am.

Of course the egoic 'I am' is never enough (I'm diverging into spiritual metaphysics here which necessarly entails borrowed knowledge and speculation upon my part); the inherent nature of the ego is that it is always full of cravings and aversions. Seeking pleasure, avoiding pain and all the time creating misery. That's the point; the ego-self will never bring us lasting fulfilment; it is not capable of this and isn't meant to, despite it's best efforts.

Lasting fulfillment comes from within, not from any situation or circumstance in this world no-matter how carefully arranged. Now once we get onto this inner-fulfillment aspect then our situations and circumstances in this world may change to reflect this inner-fulfillment back to us, but as long as we mistake the world as being the source of happiness then we will always be on the merri-go-round of chasing our own tails.

I read a good analogy the other day in a book by Sadhu Om; he says, 'as long as we seek to chase our own shadow it will always be running away from us and slipping through our fingers. When we start to gain wisdom and seek to move towards the sun instead then our shadow will always follow us with no effort on our part.'

So, the egoic 'I am' does a good job of creating suffering for us until such times as we begin to move back towards our own source which is the True 'I Am' of the Self. Then the mind becomes our servant rather than our master and although we still have a personality we are no longer bound by it, and in all likelihood it will have gradually become a wiser, more balanced, version of our former selves.

The other main thread which came up in this investigation was that being a teacher might provide me with a livelihood in this world. Now aside from any issues over whether or not 'spiritual teachings' should ever be charged for I was looking into what ugly stuff lurks beneath the surface of this again, apparently innocent desire.

In a stream of deepening consciousness it came as :

financial security giving a general sense of security
based on a sense of insecurity, lack of trust and greed

insecurity and lack of faith come from a fear of letting go of 'me'
this 'me' gives me a sense of 'self', familiarity, security and hope (that one day I will get it right)

so I am afraid of 'no-self', of losing 'my-self'
what does this 'self' give me?

the 'self' gives me a story and the possibility of a heroic overcoming of fears and short comings
no story equals no glory

what is this 'glory'?
jubilation, adulation, celebration
a temporary good-feeling, a high

but then it becomes the 'same old story' and no more 'glory'
so I always need a new story and eventually I'll have a 'multi-story'

'multi-stories' need a lot of maintainence and upkeep
a lot of time and energy to maintain the 'multi-story'

wouldn't I be more happy with a simple dwelling?
a simple life could be a good life
that's another story

who's making up all of these stories?
'I am'
from whence does this 'I am' arise?

from the Stillness of 'I Am'
I Am that I Am
I Am Awareness, Being and Bliss

I Am clarity, stability and peace
I Am whole as I Am
I Am

I Am therefore I Aum

2009-03-21T11:28:00.008+05:30

Um, amness? What's with the 'ness', Elliot Ness, Chicago? How the mind streams.

Loch Ness? Ok, so no 'ness' required, but "I" and "I AM"? U can't object to that surely?

Jesus says "before Abraham was, I AM" John 8:58

and "I and the Father are One" John 10:30

God said unto Moses, "I AM That I AM" Exodus 3:14

In Kashmiri Tantra the ever-blissful transcendental identity is called Aham - "I"

Um, Am, Aum. Now there's a word.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God" John 1:1

So I Am therefore I Aum? Perfectly good

a dialogue on awareness

2009-03-20T16:14:00.016+05:30

The following is a dialogue which seemed to help the questioner in gaining some clarity about awareness. Clear understanding helps and then one has to apply it in practice.............same for me, same for you, same for everyone.

Questioner : I really must be missing something here, so I will go back to basics. I read somewhere the process of waking in the morning goes like this; ‘I – am – awake – in the world.’ So ‘I’ is already in existence. I think that is what you have been saying.

Answer : first is awareness, denoted as I AM, then arises the 'I' thought and so the wheel starts turning

Questioner : So the ‘I’ is the ‘am-ness’ , the awake-ness and that which is in the world?

Answer : I have noticed that there is an embodied feeling of 'am-ness' which seems to be more of an energy or a feeling rather than a thought. however this still pertains to the body-mind and can be witnessed therefore it is not the True I AM which is the witnessing consciousness itself.

I was taking this feeling of 'embodied beingness' to be the feeling-sense of 'I' however I no longer think this to be the case as I ask myself, 'who is experiencing this 'embodied beingness'? 'I am'. It is this prior sense of 'I' which is the feeling-sense of 'I'. it denotes the subject; the perceiver. the feeling of 'embodied beingness' is an object of perception. the 'I' is the subject; the experiencer. by following this feeling-sense of 'I' we arrive at the simple naked awareness from which this 'I' arises

It can be quite confusing what is meant by all these terms like 'I', 'amness', etc as they have two levels of meaning - the meaning as denotations of pure awareness and the meaning as reflections of that in the body-mind; Self and self. I notice that teachers are not always very clear in their use of these terms either which can lead to confusion.

you could say that the world is in the awake-ness as without the awake-ness we would not percieve any world and it is found that our perception of the apparently solid world changes as our lense of perception becomes clearer.

Questioner : So the question is, how will the ‘I’ be known when found and by who? Or is it that the ‘I’ cannot know itself, as you said before, like the eye cannot see itself?

Answer : Awareness simply Is. without it there would not be awareness of this and that. ' you' know awareness by being awareness. there is no separate ' you' to know awareness. awareness simply is and it is possible to abide as that and then all these ideas of 'I' and ' you' are seen to be simply thoughts coming and going within awareness.

you define yourself as your thought identity. this only has a borrowed sense of reality from the true I AM which is the prior awareness. you are not the patterns of thought. you are that in which these thoughts arise. it is a case of mistaken identity

Questioner : Then it comes down to a matter of faith.......I don’t like faith. I much prefer logic or evidence.

Answer : the only evidence that will satisfy your thirst is the actual experiential realisation of how simple this thing is. forget about enlightenment and self-realisation. it is so simple. here is the logic : without awareness there would not be awareness of thoughts. thoughts come and go; you, as the awareness do not come and go.

you are simply caught in the habit of identifying with thoughts. give attention to the prior awareness itself and the clarity and simplicity of this will dawn upon you with consistent and persistant intention in the right direction. the effort is not to realise awareness. awareness already is. the effort is to break the habit of thought identification and then the awareness of awareness will dawn upon you.

fix your attention on the feeling-sense of 'I' (that 'thing' which feels like me); keep attention fixed on that (with the help of 'who am I?' and/or 'I,...I,...I,'); keep refocusing on that when you are drawn out by thoughts. gradually the thoughts will lose their strength and the ability to keep attention focused on the feeling-sense of 'I' will gain in strength. you have to develop your attention muscle then once you have some stability in that you will be able to relax into the ever-present simple awareness from whence this feeling-sense of 'I' arises.

simple but not easy because we have the habit of a lifetime to change which has us basing our sense of self on objects (even thoughts are objects of awareness); we have to develop our attention muscle to be centered as the subject which is aware of all this.

it may be that there is a corresponding change or opening in the physical apparatus (brain, nervous system, endocrine, etc.) which supports this but that will happen gradually by itself.

don't split philosophical hairs of what if or what may be. eat the cake and find out for yourself. If this path of self-inquiry doesn't suit you and you feel more drawn to some other form of meditation then nothing wrong; that will help you and keep you moving in the right direction. some of the other things which have been suggested are perfectly good.*

* Please refer to the March postings 'on mantra and meditation' and 'a meditation upon 'I' (now stripped back to basic essentials)

Questioner (some time later) : Good answer. I can see now that there is only awareness. Everything else arises from this. That which is described as ‘I’ is in fact awareness.

Answer : That which is described as 'I' is Awareness. The 'I'-thought arises within this. So, great, now do it and Be It. Rome wasn't built in a day. The paper sets alight when you focus the suns rays with a lense and hold it steadily on one point. In this case the point is the feeling-sense of 'I' and the fire is one of Awareness. As for me, it's one thing to talk the talk, and walking the walk? a work in progress.

N.B. Ramana Maharishi has advised that at some point the current of Self-Awareness/Self-Inquiry becomes established in us all of the time, at first requiring conscious attention and later becoming effortless (like learning to ride a bike). It is very helpful to establishing Self-Awareness that one set aside regular dedicated periods where one gives this ones full, undivided attention. Twice a day for 20/40 minutes is good, starting off slowly and building up steadily. Having said that once a day is also good and whenever you can manage is certainly beneficial.

Remember, don't worry and don't hurry; what we are looking for is already here; we only have to become still enough to appreciate it. Apply the wisdom of the tortoise.

Namaste

Ramana, Nisargadatta and Mooji collage of quotes

2009-03-20T15:13:00.003+05:30

Psiplex, a friend of this blog has put together a very nice 3/4 minute collage of quotes from 3 Sages on Youtube to ambient music.

You can find it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3oehOpPaNU

Have a nice day.

Jesus Christ, Super Star

2009-03-19T15:10:00.008+05:30

Only a couple or three small things for you today. one is a good quote from the back cover of a book I was looking at. It was about this western guy who had spent 25 years in an intense spiritual quest. he finally meets this yogi who he says it was clear had achieved some deep insight into life. he beseeched the yogi "I have searched so long and so hard, please tell me the secrets of inner power", the yogi looked at him and asked "why do you want power? what are you afraid of?", then got up and walked away. this was the start of the westerners real spiritual journey......

The next thing is a short excerpt from another book. it says "In Kashmiri Tantra, this ever blissful transcendental identity is called aham ("I") versus the finite ego ahamkara ("I-maker"), which is driven by the desire to maximize pleasure and minimize pain and yet continuously sows the seeds of suffering."

And here is a paraphrased quotation from an Adyashanti video satsang I caught ten minutes of the other night, he says :

The very nature of the mind is to seek order
in the recognition and acceptance of this comes freedom
for then there is no longer this troublesome mind we have to fix
there is just an allowing oneself 'not to know'
and in this not knowing the 'me' is seen as just another thought
and all there is then is consciousness perceiving this moment

You know, as I was saying to a friend, aside from the possibility of my ego getting inflated it's very nice to receive any feedback and comments about the writings in this blog. apart from the people who are publicly listed as followers of the blog, the people who sometimes leave comments/emails and a handful of others I am aware of, then I have absolutely no idea who else, if anyone, is tuning in. so please feel free to make yourself known if you feel like it.

Ok, so there is one other thing that's been simmering for a day or two that I will share. that is my thoughts and feelings about Jesus. now I've meet a few relaxed Christians over the years and it was pretty obvious that their lives had been greatly impacted and transformed through some kind of acceptance of Jesus into their hearts. and there have been a good deal more Christians who seem more dogmatic in their approach and seem to be more in a persuading mode.

Now for me it is easy to accept that Jesus was a pure being of love and truth and whatever or whoever 'God' is, Jesus was in intimate communion with that. As such, I can very well accept the possibility that, for some people, by somehow feeling surrendered and connected with Jesus then Jesus can become for them like a gateway and a symbol for the mystery we call 'God'.

Where many people have a problem is with the whole exclusivity thing, that Christianity is right and everything else is wrong or somehow the work of the devil. Christians often quote Jesus as saying "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No-one comes to the Father except by Me" as justification for this exclusivity clause.

So let's look at that statement, firstly, "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life". Ok so when Jesus says 'I am' is he referring to himself personally or is he referring to the universal 'I AM' of which he was an embodiment and which is the essential nature of us all?

I tend to go with the later interpretation in that Jesus was pointing us towards the Christ within, the Kingdom of Heaven within, and of which he was the living proof.

To further substantiate this line of thought consider the following :

In John 8:58 Jesus says "before Abraham was, I AM"
In Exodus 3:14 God said unto Moses, "I AM THAT I AM"

and again from the passage I quoted earlier :

"this ever blissful transcendental identity is called aham ("I")

Ok, so taking the second part of the statement "No-one comes to the Father except by Me", again who or what is the 'Me' he is referring to? The individual 'me' or the Cosmic 'Me-I AM'?

Even if we take it that he was referring to himself as the gateway to God, then it was surely in his capacity as an embodiment of Unity-God-Consciousness ("I and the Father are One" John 10:30). Since we all have that potential, and it seems many have realised it over the long course of history, then it seems unlikely that Jesus was claiming exclusivity.

Even if he was, it was in the context of Israel which was full of Torah-bashing zealots and idol worshippers, and so in that sea of ignorance he could very well say that "No-one comes to the Father except by Me".

But that statement of exclusivity then related to the historical circumstances of that time and place and was not a universal statement for all times and all places. Even if the statement is taken as universal then we have to look at the inaccuracies of translation and biased interpretation.

Finally if Jesus really did say that and really did mean what the Christians take him to mean then we have to consider the possibility that he was under a slight misconception or that for some reason God wanted him to say that inorder to help set up the context for division amongst world religions.

In the Indian conception of time, existence passes through many cyclic stages ranging from an age of Truth (Sat-Yuga) to an age of darkness (Kali-Yuga) with two others inbetween. We are currently said to be firmly in the Kali-Yuga for some thoasands of years and therefore these times are typified by division, corrution and quarrel.

Why? Because these cycles of existence are considered to be like a cosmic washing machine which expose the individual beings to a whole range of experiences (both 'good' and 'bad') which act as a ripening process so we each can finally come to realize our true nature and that we (as Consciousness) become all the richer for the experience. After all what else is God/Goddess going to do for all eternity if not have a little fun?

That is why they say this existence is a Divine Play, a Lila.

All of these last few paragraphs are just speculations; just possibilities.

The mystery remains.....................

Satchitananda

On mantras and meditation

2009-03-18T11:01:00.008+05:30

N.B. As part of my 'slowing down' on the blog writing there are two posts today!
See below for 1st one 'to be or not to be.......'

I am coming around to the view that repeating the thought 'I,...I,...I,' is best reserved for self-inquiry rather than for general meditation upon an object (body/energy/breath). The reason being is that meditation upon an object is still a focusing upon an object, whereas self-inquiry is a turning of the attention around 180 degrees to focus on the subject (the 'I' focusing on the 'I'). By saying 'I' we are invoking the feeling sense of 'I' which invites this 180 degree turn. Therefore mixing the two up creates the possibility of trying to look in two directions at once which will only lead to frustration.

The 'a meditation upon 'I' posting though is fine as it is not focusing on any other object than the thought of 'I' itself which may lead to awareness of the feeling-sense of 'I' or directly into pure awareness itself.

As for what mantra (mind-tool) would be suitable for general meditation purposes, then.......?

Mantra seems to be a precise and sophisticated science and I don't pretend to understand or be qualified in this field. Each mantra seems to invoke a particular quality of energy and therefore it would be important to use one which is in harmony with the individuals own energy patterns or constituition.

Having said that however there are mantra's which are generally considered to be universal and safe for everyone to use. For example, one sanskrit mantra of this category is 'Soham' (usually pronounced 'So-hum'). Soham is said to be the natural mantra of the breath; 'So' on the inhale and 'Ham' on the exhale. It is said to mean 'I am That' affirming our essential unity with the Higher Self - however you concieve that to be.

This mantra can be very well combined with the breath and an awareness, for example at the navel (cultivating the energy of 'embodied beingness'). Allow the breath to become deep and smooth and feel the rising and falling of the belly with the inflowing and outflowing breaths. Some meditators and martial artists focus on a point called the 'Hara' which is said to be two finger widths below the navel and two in. This is said to be the energetic centre of the body and is very much connected to the same energy as the navel. Find which one suits you best and stick with that.

This meditation can be enough by itself (for the time being) and will help to cultivate a very grounded, stable, centered and solid energy in your being. And, as previously mentioned, it can act as an excellent starting point for self-inquiry if one is so inclined - simply do the first for a period until you feel very well established in the experience and then proceed to the next stage. I don't feel there is a need to hurry to the self-inquiry stage and I know from my own experience that if one is going off in more abstract practices without a solid grounded foundation within oneself then it can lead to all kinds of difficulties in normal life (i.e. exasperating ungroundedness and uncentredness etc.).

A mantra in this context is a simple sound or word which acts like a support for the mind to help us to step out of the circular patterns of thought and into deeper aspects of our being. By giving the mind a relaxed focus, which we keep on easily returning to when attention wanders, awareness will naturally begin to sink towards it's own centre like a pebble in a lake. Don't throw the pebble in making a noisy splash! Allow it to be more as if the pebble is gently sliding off your hand at the level of the water and easily slipping into the lake hardly making any ripple.

Another 'mantra' I feel you could very well use is the word 'peace'. Simply don't think about the meaning of peace (contemplation), don't imagine peace (visualisation) and don't use the word 'peace' as an intense mental focus to keep off other thoughts (concentration). No, none of that, simply allow the word 'peace' to be a gentle focus which helps you to relax and settle into your own subtle depths where upon you will begin to experience real peace. And naturally the meaning association of the word itself will help to invoke the experience which will become stronger as you cultivate a regular practice.

One word of caution. Don't go on chopping and changing your mantra as this just creates conflict in the deeper levels of the mind and leads nowhere. By all means try a few out and once you've found one that suits you then stick with it. Don't be seduced by what special quality this mantra or that one might invoke. The central purpose of this meditation, and use of the mantra is as an aid, is to help us to become consciously conscious in the moment and centred in our own being. Once that is done then all of the good qualities and energies of Consciousness will begin to manifest by themselves. Therefore, there are several good mantras and each one would be as good as the other. Just choose a simple one that resonates with you and stick with it.

When I say resonates with you, that has as much to do with the meaning of the mantra as anything else. For example, someone with a Christian upbringing would probably feel uncomfortable using a mantra which is coming from or connected to the Hindu tradition. And for good reason as it will automatically create confict with all of the religious conditioning and beliefs of that person. Far better to use something which is in harmony with the existing orientation such as 'Amen' which would be an excellent choice. Don't even call it a mantra, call it a prayer or a word of peace which invokes the blessings and protection of the Divine.

On the other hand obviously 'Amen' may cause a conflict with an agnostic or athiest person! Taking a good look at at transcending the limitations of ones conditioning is a whole other topic but for now, if you want to engage with this form of meditation, choose a word or a sound which you feel comfortable with, both in terms of it's feel and it's meaning.

Shalom could be good for a Jewish person and Allah for a Muslim. Soham is pretty neutral, as is peace. Some people meditate without even using a mantra at all, perhaps just focusing on the sensations of the body/energy and/or the breath. The important thing is not the form of the meditation but the substance of it in helping us return to the centre. Try a few things out and see what suits you.

Happy meditating! It's good, you'll like it.................

To Be or not to Be, that is the question.......

2009-03-18T08:42:00.004+05:30

Ok, so I probably won't be turning into Darth Vader anytime soon. Just a little purging of the ego and a bit of fresh air in the shadows. You know in the whole of February I only posted on this blog 5 times. There are still nearly two weeks of March left and already I think this is number 18; that's quite some going and represents a considerable input of time and energy. Obviously I felt I had something I wanted to express and at least a couple of people seemed to like it.

Maybe my blog writing will slow down now (or maybe not). Yesterday, during and after a Werner Satsang, I had the experience of residing as energy. That is I was still walking around in my body, but my mind/thoughts were as if evaporated into the energy which precedes them. It seemed that there is this life-energy (prana/chi) and 'we' use this life energy to form the structure of our mind/thoughts.

I seemed to be experiencing the state of energy prior and was conscious of the tendency for this energy to take the form of thoughts and solidify as mind (and a particular view of the world). A. Ramana (Big Tex) said in one of his satsangs that Consciousness becomes energy and energy becomes matter, so we have to retrace our steps and go back the way we came.

All this talk about 'embodied beingness' I've been going on about seems to relate to a particular configuration of energy pertaining to the body-mind. I relate to 'embodied beingness' as a strong energy field which comprises a subtle aspect of this human form; of which we are normally unaware. So, abiding in the natural awareness of embodied beingness is a deeply pleasant experience of stillness and groundedness which is certainly captivating to the attention and keeps one pretty much in the present moment.

Meditating upon the energy or the body or the breath are all valid methods of meditation which help us to step back from thinking and to be more conscious in the present moment. Maintaining a relaxed focus on something which is naturally occuring within us, and repeatedly bringing our attention back there when it wanders, acts as a valuable anchor to the present moment.

This can be very worthwhile and beneficial in itself and it can also be a helpful precursor to actual self-inquiry.

Because energy or energy fields are something which can be percieved then they are not who I am. They comprise a subtle aspect of my vehicle in this existence but what is that which is aware even of this? What is that pure awareness beyond any percievable experience?

Who is experiencing this? I am. Who am I?

Behind the scenes is this feeling-sense of 'I' which is the subject of all experience. Becoming aware of that, however vaguely at first, and following that scent trail one-pointedly with our attention, is said to be the means which leads us back into the pure awareness which is prior to all thought, all energy, all relative experience.

Even our everyday sense of 'me', as mixed up with all kinds of identification as it is, is said to have at it's core the reality of the pure feeling-sense of 'I' which is the reflection of the true 'I AM' or Transcendental Pure Existence/Consciousness/Bliss; the Self.

Indeed it is said to be only because of this fact that our usual sense of 'me' has any sense of reality at all, and why by following this clue of 'I-ness' we are able to find our way back to the source.

And so what remains...........?

What remains of the individual being when all the rubbish falls away? I asked this question to Werner in relation to the fear of annihilation. To paraphrase him he said that what remain is the true essence of who you are beyond any psychological or emotional crap. Good riddance to it!

There is an opening to our transcendental universal nature which is then expressed through our own unique individual essence. Unity within diversity. Individuality within universality. Satchitananda in reflection. As above, so below.

Werner often advises that there is nothing we can do to Be That which we already Are, but that what we can do is to make ourselves available; and that much we are asked to do.

Satchitananda

Who the devil am I? Who, the Devil am I?

2009-03-17T12:59:00.008+05:30

You know I'm having 2nd thoughts about this self-inquiry business. After all, who in their right mind would undertake something which was going to destroy everything that I take myself to be?

Sure I want the bliss and the love, but I also want the Power and the Glory. I want to do it my way and I want to be around to enjoy it goddamit!

Better maybe I just meditate my way to a just before enlightenment stage and then I can have it all for me. Have my cake and eat it too.

I want to be the great teacher, I want to have all the affirmation, I want to be the Great One, I,I,I,I,I,I,I!!!

What's the point if I am not going to be there to enjoy it? Doesn't sound like a very good deal to me.

Who is this God guy anyway?

having ones cake and eating it too

2009-03-16T11:29:00.013+05:30

Self-inquiry is essentially a Vedantic approach which seeks to directly transcend relativity whereas the approach of Tantra goes by the scenic route.

Veda means knowledge and Vedanta means the end of knowledge and relates to the single minded pursuit of transcending relativity and Realising the Transcendental Self; the one without a second. The teachings of the Upanishads (a class of Indian spiritual texts) expound on this, but the same intent of transcending relativity can be pursued outwith this context of traditional Indian culture.

There are several schools of Vedanta, each looking at things from a slightly different angle, but the school which this teaching of self-inquiry, as expounded by Ramana Maharishi and others, belongs is that of Advaita Vedanta. Advaita means 'not-two' or 'non-duality' and refers to the viewpoint or experience where everything is percieved as the manifestation of the One Essence with no degrees of separation.

Tantra on the other hand comes from the angle of the multiplicity of life, rather than the unicity. Ultimately the aim is the same but the approach is different. I only have an incomplete and outline understanding of Tantra (as of Vedanta), but I understand it to deal with the diversity of the ways that the One Unified Source manifests in this creation.

The essential insight of Vedanta is that the Self alone is Real and all else is an illusion, so it tends to not give much attention to, or is even dismissive of, the relative aspects of life. On the other hand, from the stand point of this ultimate realisation, even this world is seen as a manifestation of the Self, and the Jnani (Enlightened Sage from this Vedantic pathway) makes no distinction between the Self at rest (Absolute Transcendental Silence) and the Self in action (creation; the world; relativity). For the Jnani it is all a play of Oneness.

Therefore, given that diversity/manifestation is as much the Self as the Absolute is, then approaching Self-Realisation from and through the apparent experience of differences is an equally valid approach. This I understand is Tantra.

In the West tantra is associated with sex, however this is only one aspect and not the main point in itself. As far as I can work out the connection with sex has two aspects. The first aspect is in encountering and releasing our inhibitions, fears and neurosis around sex which are all part of the false-ego which keeps us in the illusionary experience of separation.

The second aspect is in the actual energetic interplay between the male and female polarities. Just like electricity has two opposite poles between which the electrons flow, so both within ourselves and between the sexes somehow the Self has manifested as this polarity of male and female and tantra has evolved ways and means to harness this polarity for accelarating the process of evolution (back towards our original true nature and that much the richer for the experience).

Broadly speaking the male aspect is considered to be Silent Awareness and the female aspect is considered to be Dynamic Energy. Both of these poles are contained within each of us and on a cosmic level are said to be the two inseparable aspects of the One Divine Self.

Tantra concerns itself with all of the various manifestations of energy inherent in this human form as expressed through the various energy pathways (nadis) and centres (chakras). The main chakra system, running up the spinal column, represents the various planes of energy and perception available within the human experience.

Connecting the dots of Satchitananda in reflection as this human form, it is apparent that the energy centre connected to the navel (and the inner body space between the naval and the base of the torso) relates to the 'Sat' aspect. That is the aspect of existence or what I have been referring to in this context as the experience of 'embodied beingness', 'I amness' or simply 'amness'.

The energy centre connected with the 'third eye' between the eyebrows (and the inner space from the base of the neck to the top of the head) relates to the 'Chit' aspect. That is the aspect of awareness, or the knowing capacity.

The energy centre connected with the centre of the chest (and the inner space from the navel to the base of the throat) relates to the 'Ananda' aspect. That is the aspect of bliss, love or the capacity to feel. N.B. Bliss and love in this context don't mean overwhelming ecstacy and emotional sentimentality. Rather more likely to be a still contentment and a pure connecting energy, however, anything can and does happen.

Of course this trinity of energies are not separate from one another and are all intrinsic aspects of the one thing. They are part of a smooth circular continuum with each quality coming to the fore at times and seamlessly melding into the others. Similarily there is no clear cut physical location to them either; any or all of these energies could fill the whole body of experience. The physical locations are only approximate counterparts which can act as a guide to help one tune into particular aspects of a more subtle experience.

So tantra views this human form as a gateway to the Ultimate and honours it as such. Tantric practitioners are not in a hurry to transcend relativity but are interested in investigating and integrating all aspects of their relative experience as the very pathway to the Self.

In Tantra there is the possibility of getting lost in the diversity of life and in Vedanta there is the possibility of missing the beauty of life. Personally, and if at all possible, I favour a balanced approach which encompasses the best of both worlds.

Satchitananda - Awareness of Being is inherently Blissful

I would just add that investigating the various subtle aspects of our experience is still a different thing from self-inquiry which is directly turning the awareness around 180 degrees back towards its own source in Pure Awareness. There is not necesarly a conflict just don't try and look in two directions at once! Do one thing or the other at any one time or at least that's how it seems to me at the moment. Each one must find their own way home.

Bare bones self-inquiry
When thoughts arise inwardly ask oneself 'to whom are these thoughts arising?'
The answer naturally comes 'to me'
Then ask oneself 'who am I?'
Nip the thoughts in the bud and refocus attention directly upon the feeling-sense of 'I'
Persist in this inquiry with the intention that the True Self be revealed
Keep on persisting in this inquiry until the false ego has been entirely destroyed and the Pure Self alone remains
That is it

Revisions

2009-03-15T17:38:00.001+05:30

Please note that I have extensively revised the posting formerly entitled 'enquiry for the grandparents' and now 'a meditation upon 'I'. This is in appreciation of the fact that not everyone may be able to recognise the feeling-sense of 'I' straight away or relate to the experience of 'I amness' or embodied beingness. Any feedback or questions are welcome.

Also a slight revision to 'three verses on enquiry' and 'down the road a bit' for those interested

In the posting of March 9th entitled 'so what is this enlightenment thing anyway?' I speculated that 'Enlightenment' may be the merging of individual consciousness with some kind of Cosmic or Universal Consciousness. There may be a stage like that but I would now say (IMHO) that the initial thing is the individual Realisation of, and establishment in, Pure Transcendental Consciousness, which is simply the Pure Awareness at our core and the origin of the feeling-sense of 'I am'. This is usually termed Self-Realisataion, which may be the basis for some ongoing evolution towards Universality, but in itself seems straight forward enough.

In some schools of thought it is considered that both individual consciousness and Universal Consciousness (which is considered to manifest, maintain and dissolve Creation) both have their source in Pure Transcendental Consciousness and that 'Full Enlightenment' encompasses the totality of all of those aspects. Other schools of thought have more of a Personal God centered outlook and others deny that there is anything other than Self-Realisation. But all could agree that all of the rubbish we have accumulated obscures our true nature and that somehow this situation needs to be dealt to. At any rate until, and if, we experience these things for ourselves then they remain as theories.

Furthermore, in the posting on the same day entitled 'on not breaking on through to the other side' I speculated than by remaining with a quiet mind in the simple awareness of 'I-amness' then everything else would take care of itself. There may be some truth to this but I will also add that Ramana Maharishi cautions against becoming absorbed and plateauing in pleasant states. They are a good sign of progress but one should keep up the enquiry and transcend even these until one finally reaches to Pure Transcendental Consciousness beyond even the sense of individual 'I am'.

towards the end of the road

2009-03-12T16:40:00.008+05:30

All this talk of roads, or a journey of meditation, implies distance and time. However abiding in the awareness of 'I am' is only ever here and now. The idea of 'I am' there and then is exactly that, an idea, which is in fact a distraction from the reality of 'I am' here and now. Better stick with 'I am' here and now.

Within that 'I am' here and now however, there also seems to be a gradual deepening, intensifying and refining process which goes on gradually over the course of time. This is the paradox of the co-existence of opposites.

Carrying on from the last posting 'down the road a bit' :

So either way (enquiry into 'I' or meditation upon 'I'), one may begin having these momentary experiences of singularity which will increase in frequency, duration and clarity as progress is made. This experience is given many names such as Transcendental Consciousness, Pure Awareness, the Self, Turiya and any number of others.

Turiya is a sanskrit word which means 'the fourth' indicating that it is a fourth state of consciousness as distinct from the normal three of waking, sleeping and dreaming. It is said to be like the blank cinema screen upon which all the other three states are projected (deep sleep being like a dark blank screen).

It is called Transcendental Consciousness because as the substratum, it is beyond the other three states. It is called Pure Awareness because it is said to be the origin of our normal ability to be aware. Also because in this state, Awareness stands alone, aware of itself, with no object of awareness.

It is called the Self because it is said to be the original True Self of which even the pure feeling-sense of 'I am', embodied beingness, is but a reflection. The capital 'S' distinguishing it from the individual self we usually take ourselves to be.

When awareness of this state of Transcendental Consciousness becomes firmly established in us, such that it becomes the central, conscious and unshakable fact of our existence then Self-Realisation is said to have occured. It is not something which is created, but it is something already existing which becomes apparent once the obscurations have been removed.

For that reason, all of this meditation is actually a process of purification where the human nervous system gradually acclimatises itself to sustaining this type of awareness. Therefore don't be surprised when all the rubbish we have accumulated in body and mind starts to come out; better out than in as they say. It is actually a process of becoming more normal and more natural with ourselves.

Self-Realisation may not be the end of the story but really just the start of the true adventure into the mystery which is this existance. At any rate, getting rid of all the neurotic rubbish and coming to the stage of naturally abiding in the peaceful awareness of 'I amness', as a harmonious and whole human being, is something which most people could relate too and see the intrinsic benefit of.

I will say at this point that in talking of Self Realisation I am borrowing from the teachings of the Sages and cannot speak upon my own authority of direct experience. But that in doing so I have a reasonable degree of confidence through having practised some meditation and some self-enquiry giving a reasonable degree of experience and confirmation in the preceding stages. It is up to each one to do so for themselves as they feel drawn.

To close, here is an abridged quotation from the foreword to the famous book 'I Am That - Talks with Nisargadatta Maharaj', a well renowned 20th century Sage.

"In spite of its primevality the sense of 'I am' is not the highest. It arises with the body (and) when Pure Awareness is attained, no need exists anymore, not even for 'I am', which is but a direction indicator towards the Absolute. What prevails (then) is that which cannot be described, that which is beyond words. It is this state which is most real, a state of pure potentiality, which is prior to everything. The 'I am' (is a) mere reflection of it. Return again and again to 'I am' until it is your only abode; until the ego as a limitation of 'I am' has disappeared. It is then that the Realisation will happen effortlessly."

down the road a bit

2009-03-12T14:36:00.007+05:30

Once ones practice of meditation or self-enquiry progresses one may begin to find that a certain degree of clarity and stability of inner experience is occuring. One may increasingly find that the mind becomes quieter and is resting more and more readily in a state of natural awareness of I amness and that this is a peaceful and quietly satisfying experience.

This natural sense of 'I am' is intrinsic to our human make-up only most often we are not aware of it because the mind is too busy in conscious and unconscious identifications (thoughts) of 'I am this' or 'I am that' and 'I need to do this' and 'I need to do that'. When we are able to naturally rest in the awareness of pure 'I amness' then there is an inherent feeling of wholeness and well-being.

If we are not in touch with that inherent sense of wholeness and well-being then we tend to look for it outside of ourselves rather than living our lives as an expression of intrinsic wholeness.

There may come a time however when this natural sense of 'I amness', or embodied beingness, becomes more our natural home and although the mind may sometimes continue to wander here and there we are never very far from home. As pleasant as this way of being may be however it is not the end of the story.

During ones meditation or self-enquiry one should not curl up and go to sleep in this type of pleasant experience (or in any other type). One should persist in the question 'who am I?' or in 'I,......I,......I,......I,' (or in whatever other support you are using in your practice).

The question 'who am I?' is not a question which calls for an intellectual answer. It is a means to keep the mind focused and alert in enquiring into this experience of 'I' and not drifting off in complacency. The feeling of 'I amness' is not the final goal but a pointer in the right direction.

If we continue going deeper and subtler in this enquiry then we may begin to find that we have momentary experiences where it seems as if the mind and the breath have been temporarily sucked up into a different state.

It is a state of singularity where there is no thought; just Pure Awareness standing by itself. Thought and external awareness are sucked up and enfolded in on themselves into a kind of singularity. It may sound mysterious but it is a natural experience and does not necessarily seem very dramatic when it begins to occur.

The same thing will happen if one is practising 'I,......I,......I,......I,'. The repetition keeps the mind focused in a relaxed way on the 'I' which allows awareness to sink, like a pebble in a lake, back towards it's own centre. The repetition should be natural, easy and should be allowed to become subtler and subtler.

It is not an effortful exercise in concentration. No the awareness becomes concentrated naturally as it returns to its source. Allow the repetition to become more like having a faint idea of the thought 'I' and to keep you in touch with the feeling of 'I'. In contrast, keeping up a clear, distinct and strong mental pronouniation of 'I' will tend to keep awareness more on the surface levels of the mind rather than allowing it to sink deep.

So either way, one may begin having these momentary experiences of singularity which at first may seem somewhat indistinct but will increase in frequency, duration and clarity as progress is made. In terms of the practice it happens spontaneously and comes and goes by itself. We should not have an expectation of it but allow things to proceed naturally. If there is a momentary experience then when one is aware of having a choice in the matter then simply return to the question or repetition of 'I'. If one is thinking about it, wondering if this is it, then one is off in thoughts and out of the experience. Again come back to the practice and continue.

This experience of singularity is given many names such as Transcendental Consciousness, Pure Awareness, The Self, Turiya and any number of others. I will say more about all of that in the next posting, but it is helpful for now to have a bit of a roadmap so that there is an idea of the journey and a context within which to understand inner experiences as they start to occur. Its all a good sign that things are heading in the right direction.

Happy meditating - take the rough with the smooth.

a meditation upon 'I'

2009-03-11T10:50:00.029+05:30

N.B. Please read in combination with this posting the one entitled 'On mantra's and meditation' posted on March 18th. this contains important information about mantras and other suggestions on meditation.

I wanted to write something explaining a simple approach to a self-enquiry based meditation which would be able to be easily understood and applied by anyone with the interest to do so, even if they have no prior background in such things.

Ramana Maharshi often indicated that his highest teaching was the power of silence which emanated through him (as a result of his Enlightenment). For those unable to fully appreciate this silence then he advocated the practice of self-inquiry, which hinges upon apprehending and holding onto the feeling-sense of 'I' with the question 'Who am I?'. A related approach he sometimes recommended was to hold onto the thought of 'I,...I,...I,' as a means to similarly allow awareness to return to its source.

This second approach would be especially suitable for those who may find self-inquiry itself a bit difficult to relate to or who are unable to immediately recognise what is meant by the feeling-sense of 'I'. Expanding on Ramana Maharshi's instructions in this regard and drawing upon my own background training in meditation I have come up with the following which I believe will be found to be an effective and beneficial method.

So, start with sitting quietly and comfortably in a place where you will not be disturbed. Close the eyes and turn the attention within. Feel the body and become aware of the breath. Rest your awareness upon the natural flow of the breath and allow your attention to find a natural resting place within the body. Continue like this for a minute or so allowing everything to settle down.

Now, begin the gentle inward repetition of the word 'I'. Let it be easy, natural and effortless. Allow it to find it's own rythmn and tempo, although slow, steady and gentle will generally be good.

As you say 'I' to yourself you may become aware of the feeling-sense of 'I'. That is, that 'thing' which feels like me; not a concrete thing or sensation; more of a subtle and perhaps vague feeling of some 'thing' which feels like me. Everytime in normal life when we say 'I' what are we referring to? We can identify ourselves as 'I am this' or 'I am that' but behind it all is the subtle and non-verbal feeling-sense of 'I'.

So without mentally analysing or intellectualising just continue in the practice and if you become aware of a feeling-sense of 'I' then very good; remain in that awareness as you continue. If not, or if you lose it, then don't worry, just continue in the practice of the gentle repetition of 'I'. You might find that your awareness becomes drawn to a particular sensation within. This is fine, allow it to happen and continue, 'I,...I,...I,...I,'

If thoughts come, as they naturally will, then as soon as you become aware that you have wandered off in thinking then simply and easily return to the practice. This is bound to happen and can even be a sign of some kind of release so don't be concerned or frustrated about it; it is natural. As soon as you become aware of having drifted off; simply come back again to the practice.

As you continue you may find that the breath and the repetition of 'I' are becoming more and more subtle and quiet. This is good, allow it to happen. You may also have the occassional and momentary experience where there are no thoughts, no thinking of 'I' and no awareness of the body. This is also good, allow it and when you become aware again of having a choice, continue easily in the practice. I have said more about this particular experience in the two posts following this one.

Continue for twenty minutes or so and then cease the repetition of 'I'; be restful and take a few minutes to come back slowly, feeling yourself present in your body and beginning to breath more deeply, before gradually opening the eyes and going about your day. It is good if you can set aside some time to do it regularly (even twice daily) but even ten minutes once in a while is better than nothing. If you get established in a regular practice then you can gradually extend the length of your sittings if you feel to, but slow and steady wins the race rather than working sporadically.

During the practice or during resting afterwards you might sometimes find that thoughts or emotions are crowding in. As mentioned, this can be a sign of something releasing or purifying so don't be concerned. Again, be aware of the body and feel for any sensations there. Be with these sensations and the breath in a restful way and this will help the disturbance to pass through more easily. It is also good to continue resting longer afterwards if this occurs and you have the time.

I have been recently practising along these lines myself and it is in no way an inferior practice to self-inquiry. In fact it is very effective and ultimately would lead to the same place as self-inquiry which is the pure awareness prior to thought. The result is a more peaceful, centred and conscious individual.

This technique I have outlined borrows heavily from Transcendental Meditation (TM) which I practised myself for several years. TM is a simple effective technique of meditation which has a large amount of scientific research behind it which demonstrate numerous practical benefits including improved health, well-being and creativity.

The technique I have outlined here differs from TM essentially in that it is using the word 'I' as the focus whereas in TM one is given a sanskrit mantra (suitable sound).

Ramana Maharshi has said that 'I' is the first and greatest of all mantra's; superior even to Aum (primordial mantra). The reason being is that before any other experience can be there must first be an 'I' (a subject) to experience it. The feeling-sense of 'I' is the lynchpin of our experience and the saying of 'I' invokes the very feeling-sense of 'I' which then becomes the very object of our meditation and the gateway to freedom.

In Kashmiri Tantra, the ever blissful transcendental identity is called aham ('I') versus the finite ego ahamkara ("I-maker"). Ramana Maharshi asserts that self-inquiry is the direct way to Self-Realisation because we are directly dissolving the egoic false sense of 'I' (ahamkara) which is the very thing which obscures the ever present reality of the Self, the True 'I' (Aham).

Using 'I' as the focus also avoids the objection of using some funny sound possibly associated with an exotic foreign religion. Just avoid turning your meditation practice into contemplating 'I' (thinking about the meaning of 'I') or of a concentration practice upon the thought 'I' (this may strenghten the concentration power of the mind but won't necessarily allow awareness to return to it's own source). The repetition of 'I' is to invoke the feeling sense of 'I' and is a gentle stirring to keep alertness focused and subtlely alive in the quieter levels of the mind so that the inward movement to the centre can continue.

Happy meditating. Any problems or questions and I will answer to the best of my ability.

relaxing with relativity

2009-03-11T10:31:00.003+05:30

Part of the restlessness of my mind seems to be in always seeking an ideal of perfection and then wanting to proclaim it to the world. The perfect method, the perfect understanding, the perfect solution.

Clearly there must be many valid approaches and one trap is to get overly caught up in attachment to one and taking it to be the be all and end all. Another trap is in constantly running from pillar to post and never seeing anything through to completion. I have done them both and in both the unconscious identity thrives.

In meditation one could use the support of many different aspects of experience. For example one could use a mantra, the breath or the sensation of the body. The main initial function of the support is really as a diversion for the mind to help it step out of the merry-go-round of thinking, allowing awareness to come back to its own center, becoming consciously conscious in the now.

Or, as in self-enquiry, one could directly bring awareness to the feeling-sense of the 'I' who we take ourselves to be. Again, remaining present to that with the enquiry 'who am I?', awareness returns to its own centre.

Or one could very well take a combination approach according to ones individual needs and preference.

So, from now on, I am going to try and leave absolutism to the absolute and relax with relativity.

three verses on enquiry

2009-03-11T10:22:00.003+05:30

who is enquiring?
I am
abide in the natural awareness of 'I am'
prior to 'I am this' or 'I am that'

use the silent enquiry 'who am I?'
to keep the mind subsiding in this abidance
until even this 'I am' disappears

just as the fan continues to turn for a time after the power is cut
this restless mind too will continue to turn for a time
remain in the enquiry and this too shall pass

note to self

2009-03-10T12:30:00.002+05:30

awareness of being is its own fulfillment
so abide as that and be happy
all else is mind

on not breaking on through to the other side

2009-03-09T20:05:00.010+05:30

So I had what to me was a rather profound insight which has revolutionised my view on things.

I had been seeing the qualities of awareness and of embodied beingness (I am) as being at two ends of a spectrum of subjective experience. To me this spectrum was still within the realm of mind and body and I was striving to somehow transcend it and to experience what I have taken to be the Pure Self - Pure Consciousness beyond space and time.

I wasn't sure whether I should try to plumb the deepest depths of embodied beingness or to try to scale the highest heights of disembodied awareness or to try and do both at the same time!

I was somehow trying to push and pull and stretch this big elastic band of inner experience, attempting to provoke a break through into the Ultimate! I didn't succeed!

Now I can see the error of my ways and am reformed.

Since time immemorial, from the testimony of the Sages, this 'thing' we call the Self has been attributed with three essential qualities; that of Sat, Chit and Anand, or Existence, Consciousness and Bliss.

As above, so below. So we find these three essential qualities reflected in our human experience. Sat, as the sense of individual existence (I am), Chit, as the capacity to be aware and to know, and Anand, as the capacity to feel deep contentment, unconditional love and connectedness.

Somehow we have not been aware of our true nature and our sense of individual existence has become mixed up in mind identification; we have lost touch with our inherent sense of fulfillment and so we seek to try and find it through objective knowledge and the situations and circumstances of this apparent world.

What I realised was that the sense of embodied beingness (I am) is not a separate quality from the awareness of it. Nor are they two aspects of some kind of linear continuum.

No they are both inherent and inseparable qualities of the Self (in reflection), so my attempts to try and find the Self by trying to isolate, separate and transcend its essential qualities was doomed to failure.

The missing quality was Anand (bliss or concentrated happiness). The only good reason really to try to find the Self is because one is trying to find some kind of deep lasting happiness, so what if in my strenuous attempts I was actually short circuiting the possibility all along?

The three essential qualities of the Self are Sat, Chit and Anand so I had the insight that maybe the key is not in trying to separate or exaggerate the qualities of awareness and beingness but in the simple resting in the natural awareness of beingness.

Funnily enough that turned out to be quite blissful! Not the least because now my mind finally had a satisfying explanation and could let go. It was like letting go of an elastic band which one is stretching and it suddenly snaps back to it's own natural shape.

And the natural shape of our true nature is Satchitananda. I'm not saying that I realised the Self but I feel that I may have stumbled upon a key to relaxing in the mystery.

As above, so below. Satchitananda as the Self; Satchitananda as a human. My reasoning and intuition tell me that by naturally abiding in this experience then the process of whatever needs to happen will unfold naturally by itself.

Or rather Consciousness will take care of Consciousness for the revelation of Consciousness! If any deepening of being, heightening of awareness or intensification of bliss needs to happen then let Consciousness take care of it.

Anyway that's my latest theory and at the very least I think I have uncovered a bloody good meditation approach (it definitely won't be anything new but it is a new revelation to me - at least in its conscious appreciation).

Satchitananda

P.S. 13/3/09 After the initial exhilaration of this discovery I will add that Ramana Maharishi cautions against becoming absorbed and plateau-ing in pleasant states. They are a good sign of progress but one should keep up the enquiry and transcend even these until one finally reaches to Pure Transcendental Consciousness beyond the sense of individual 'I am'. See postings 'down the road a bit' and 'towards the end of the road' 12th March.

Sat-Chit-Ananda

2009-03-09T19:50:00.006+05:30

Satchitananda
Awareness of Being is inherently Blissful
As above so below
So I be still and away I go

so what is this enlightenment thing anyway?

2009-03-09T14:46:00.011+05:30

I can't claim to know what enlightenment is but based on the consistencies in the testimonies of Sages, on my own personal experience and intuition as well as that of many others then I can draw a few conclusions.

Yes our ideas of truth are very subjective and variable. However what is the same in each one of us is that there is a quality of awareness without which we couldn't be aware of anything, including our various ideas about truth.

What is also common to everyone is the sense of 'I'. That 'I' exist as an individual being otherwise how can we say 'I like this' or 'I don't like that'. There is an inherent and tacitly assumed feeling-sense that 'I am'.

You say that "I don't doubt there is an all empowering energy field or consciousness that we are all linked to and that we are here for a purpose - to evolve."

Both of the qualities which we all share, of awareness and the feeling-sense of 'I am', are said to be reflections in the human mind from this universal consciousness, much like the moon is reflecting the light of the sun and has no inherent light of its own.

Or you could say that we, as seeming individuals, are integral aspects of that universal consciousness and so share somewhat in its essential qualities of existence and awareness of that existence.

The thing is we generally experience ourselves to be separate individuals who go through life making choices and trying to do the best we can from our own level of understanding and experience (i.e. a crooks idea of doing well may differ from most regular persons).

Our sense of who we are and our sense of security in life are generally defined by our self image, our body, our family, our relationships, our profession, our accomplishments, our material position in life etc. etc.

Nothing wrong in those things in themselves but the problem is that we are generally identified or psychologically and emotionally dependent upon them for our sense of well-being, such that if things went very badly for us in these areas then it could be very devastating and bring with it much suffering (e.g. the loss of loved ones, the loss of material security, the loss of our sense of self esteem if we are not able to function in life as we would want to, etc.).

This is the normal human condition which we can all relate to. This 'thing' called enlightenment is to do with realising experientially our true nature as embodiments of that Universal Consciousness rather than as separate, limited, skin encapsulated ego's.

This Universal Consciousness is said to be inherently whole and complete within itself such that when our sense of experiential identity expands from the limitation of a separate individual 'me' to the true case as integral apects of the whole then we are no longer dependent upon outer circumstances for our well-being.

Our very nature becomes Well-Being and we are no longer seeking to find our happiness in the circumstances of this world. We are inherently happy, peaceful, contented and whole.

In whatever way we then feel drawn to do or be in the world then we will be more effective. Our relationships will be more fulfilling because we no longer have any sort of co-dependency with others. It doesn't mean we don't care, we will be naturally more compassionate, but that we aren't in a position of any kind of neediness for psychological or emotional affirmation or security from others.

So it might sound like this enlightenment is like a good insurance policy in case things go wrong or as a way to become more successful in the world. From one perspective there could be some truth in that but the real thing is that there is a total shift in identity so that we are no longer experiencing ourselves to be separate individuals trying to have a comfortable and happy life, but that we realise ourselves to be expansive conscious beings whose seeming activities and relationships in this world are expressing fulfillment rather than seeking it.

There are said to be three qualites in nature known in Sanskrit as Sattva, Rajas and Tamas. In the human psychological sphere Sattva manifests as clarity and balance, Rajas manifests as restlessness and desire and Tamas manifests as dullness and destructiveness.

The human journey of evolution you mention could be said to comprise of becoming purified of the Tamas and Rajas qualities and thereby becoming a more naturally Sattvic person; one could consider this to be a journey of becoming a progressively more enlightened, balanced and clear individual.

However the step beyond that, beyond the usual human experience, that is referred to as Enlightenment, is where this identification of being an individual is entirely evaporated and one becomes not an individual in relation to Universal Consciousness, but an actual conscious embodiment of this Universal Consciousness itself.

What that experience may be like who can say? But it does seem that one carries on in this human body playing ones role for the duration of this human life, same as everyone else.

So as you say, that might be somewhat beyond what Western thought generally considers to be the normal range of the human experience. However in traditional Eastern thought, the possibility of such Enlightenment is an accepted part of life and beings like the Buddha, who we can only assume must have evolved to this level, are held in deep reverence.

The full depth and true meaning of what such beings represent may not be easily appreciated but we can certainly say that their lives and teachings have had a tremendous guiding impact upon countless millions of people through countless generations and continues to do so.

Cases like the Buddha are very grand and very rare and it may be that many more Enlightened beings pass by, hardly being noticed, and yet having a silent powerful uplifting influence on the collective consciousness. And yet, the history of the east and of India in particular records the lives of many many Enlightened ones, even in recent and contemporary times (such as Ramana Maharishi).

As I quoted Werner as saying in my last blog, there are no stages in (Ultimate) Reality but in the human experience there may be many variations and shades of degree. Ultimately there is a clear distinction; there is either unconscious ego identification with being a separate individual, however subtle, or there is not.

If there is not that identification then Enlightenment could be said to be there, however in what way and to what degree of fullness Universal Consciousness chooses to outwardly express itself through that (human) form is part of the Divine Mystery and we cannot say.

And as I also said in the last blog there is manifold opportunity for delusion at every stage, warned of in every spiritual tradition, where the ego gets some cosmic taste and goes on a power trip in one way or another, perhaps considering ones-self to be Enlightened and deluding others also.

Werner put all of that also in the context of this Play of Consciousness as an integral part of the play. Not to worry about it but instead to rely upon ones own sincereity and inner wisdom to guide one through the spiritual jungle and to the correct teacher (for a reason and for a season) if that is what is required.

For myself, and probably for most people, getting to the stage of having a primarily Sattvic mind (balanced, creative, peaceful and positive) and yet retaining ones sense of individuality seems attractive and the prospect of somehow being annihilated and taken over by some kind of Cosmic Consciousness can seem somewhat dubious!

However the testimony and lives of the Sages reassures us that this is nothing foreign to us but just the dawning of our own true nature. This is the fulfillment of the human journey of evolution and a mystery which will sweep us up when the time is right and not before.

This apparrent seeking of Enlightenment is not really a means to an ends (as it may appear to be at a certain stage) but really a coming back to the centre.

A final transcendance of all seeking into 'The Peace Which Passeth All Understanding' and a complete surrender to 'Thy Will Be Done'.

As to, as you say, "world events (and) the total consciousness of the human race (being) a very long way from reaching utopia" then that is also part of the play. Regardless of the collective consciousness it is always possible for individuals to realise their own true nature as no doubt they have been doing quietly for millenia.

However there does seem to be an ever accelarating upsurge of awakening around the planet running in tandem with the seeming increasing tendency towards conflict and chaos. It makes for an exciting story and lets hope that the good guys win! :)

It is repeatedly affirmed by the Sages that the silent vibrations emanating from the Enlightened Ones, even if they do not outwardly seem to be very active, are extremely powerful in effecting the whole consciousness of mankind. It seems to be a question of balance and only time will tell which way the scales will tip.

Either way, in the grand scheme of things this era in which we live is but the blink of an eye of cosmic time and no doubt the story goes on through peaks and valleys throughout the ages.

The key is to realise that timeless essence herenow.

hope this helps with your question!

P.S. For anyone who wants to see a movie clip of one who was widely considered to be a modern day Enlightened One then check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUyLIYVrd5U

Nisargadatta Maharaj was a rustic uneducated Indian man who was yet considered to be a Great Sage of the Advaita (non-dualistic) teaching. Be warned, if you expect a gentle soft sort of a man then you are in for a shock. Nisargadatta was uncompromising and fiery in the communication of his experience. He was in the body until about 1980.

N.B. 13th March. In this posting I have speculated that 'Enlightenment' may be the merging of individual consciousness with some kind of Cosmic or Universal Consciousness. There may be a stage like that but I would say that the initial thing (IMHO) is the individual Realisation of, and establishment in, Pure Transcendental Consciousness, which is simply the Pure Awareness at our core and the origin of the feeling-sense of 'I am'. Please refer to posting 'towards the end of the road' 12th March.This is usually termed Self-Realisataion, which may be the basis for some ongoing evolution towards Universality, but in itself seems straight forward enough.

In some schools of thought it is considered that both individual consciousness and Universal Consciousness (which is considered to manifest, maintain and dissolve Creation) both have their source in Pure Transcendental Consciousness and that 'Full Enlightenment' encompasses the totality of all of those aspects. Other schools of thought have more of a Personal God centered outlook and others deny that there is anything other than Self-Realisation. But all could agree that all of the rubbish we have accumulated obscures our true nature and that somehow this situation needs to be dealt to. At any rate, until we start to experience these things for ourselves then they remain as theories.

it ain't over till the fat lady sings

2009-03-08T10:35:00.014+05:30

I would just like to affirm that what I have been sharing in regard to the self-enquiry process and Self-Realisation is only what I have been able to gather from books, listening to and questioning teachers, exchanging ideas with friends as well as from my own reasoning and limited degree of subjective experience.

My blog sharings on this topic are really just me trying to figure things out for myself and have also served as a useful forum for the cross-communication of ideas with others who are similarly interested. There has also been a motivation to share this in a way which might be helpful or interesting to others and also to potentially generate and partake of some positive energy in this regard.

I think that whatever spiritual enlightenment is, then no teacher or teaching has a monopoly or exclusive franchaise upon it. So each person who is putting themselves forth as a teacher no doubt has a degree of illumination and a degree of understanding which might, for a time, prove helpful and supportive to others in their own self-unfolding, recognising that no-one can give or take away that which is the essential nature of us all.

However there also seems to be manifold opportunities for degrees of self-delusion, limited understanding and different view points at every stage of the journey. So it would seem then to pay to never take ones own or others opinions too seriously, recognising that ultimately, this play of Consciousness is a mystery which is beyond the human minds capacity to understand. We may have some helpful general concepts about it but in the actual living of it, it seems that we must let go of attachment to the conceptual mind altogether.

I have found in my own explorations, both here at Arunachala and before, that the various teachers and teachings all have something useful to offer and can all offer some light on what may be considered as aspects of truth and pathways towards that. Furthermore, depending upon their own degree of direct illumination and upon ones own receptivity, then a teacher can also act as a channel for the silent energy of Consciousness to catalyse ones own subjective experience of what is spoken of whether it is considered as a Divine Presence or as a Vast Silence.

I like how Werner puts it; that there are no stages in Reality, but if one has a lasting experiential opening to a deeper appreciation and living of that Reality, then not to take it as something final (taking oneself to have become Enlightened) but rather as more like the ending of one chapter and the beginning of something new. That we do not get stuck in thinking that we have arrived, but that we continue to cultivate the deepening of our experience thereby always allowing the mystery to unfold and expand. That when the fixated identity of being a 'me' falls away then we are able to not take the whole story of this holographic magic show so seriously. That we can take this adventure here on earth playfully and fully enjoy our role as embodiments of unfolding Consciousness being made richer by the experience.

So even if the fat lady sings then may be it's not really over, it may be just the beginning...................

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

William Blake

story time.......comin round the mountain

2009-03-07T13:31:00.005+05:30

So, about a week ago I walked the inner path around the mountain again with a friend, Suzanne from Germany. It was a very pleasant walk. Technically one is supposed to go around in a silent meditative mood but we were talking and sharing our experiences in meditative mood instead.

We set off around 7am and once we had gone most of the way around and hit town we took the back streets instead of the unpleasant main road. It was quite a revelation. It was quite a peaceful village atmosphere, the streets were clean and the people were very friendly. We got accosted several times by groups of young children who were all smiles saying 'hello, how are you?', 'what is your name?' and 'where do you come from?'. I guess that those are the most common converstional english questions they learn in school. Then of course they are very keen for 'one pencil', 'one ruppee' and 'one chocolate please'!

Unfortunately I didn't have anything much to give them other than the first lot who I gave some bananas. Next time I go I'll try to remember to take a bag of pencils and maybe chocolates with me and I'm sure I'll be very popular. Actually it was a very nice experience and the children were very innocent, happy and sweet. They were very keen to be photographed and got a big kick out of seeing themselves on the digi-camera screen. I got some great pictures and have posted a selection on Facebook (hence the invitations to join some of you got).

After coming out of the village back streets we got some delicious freshly squeezed sugarcane juice and then proceeded up and across the side of the mountain towards the back of Ramana Ashram; completing our circuit and again avoiding the busy town. We climbed up to Virupuksha Cave and Skanda Ashram which are the two places where Ramana Maharishi spent much of the first twenty or so years of his time at Arunachala.

Suzanne took me to her favourite contemplation spot under a tree at the back of the small Skanda Ashram complex and we chilled out for a while. There was a band of monkeys jumping around in the trees around us and as I was about to leave a whole pile of very young ones came right up to me and were playing and pulling at me. It was quite special and I managed to take 3mins of video footage as well as some photo's which I will also post on facebook.

If you want to join Facebook then I have put a link on the left hand column of this blog page which will take you directly to the sign-up page. Registering is easy to do and you will have the option of allowing the website to search your email address book to locate friends who are already members and others who you might want to invite. If you don't want to do that there is an option at the bottom to skip those steps. So maybe see you on facebook sometime........

and then some.......!

2009-03-05T14:07:00.009+05:30

Ok, so one more post on self-enquiry before I get to the nice story :) So it seems apparent that there are two practical aspects to this self-enquiry; the first being focusing awareness on this sense of individual 'I-ness', and the second as effortlessly abiding as expansive clear awareness.

What I have been reporting on in the last two blog posts has related to the first aspect. That is focusing awareness on the feeling-sense of 'I-ness' which we tacitly take to be real and which is said to be the basis of all our identification as an individual 'me'. It seems that this feeling-sense of 'me' has it's roots in unconscious identification with the 'I' thought. It is said to not be real but continues to have an existence until such times as we bring awareness into it where upon it begins to lose it's hold and eventually disappears.

What is then said to be left is the light of the True Self; the True 'I Am' whereupon all duality and separation cease to exist (it was only ever an illusionary appearance anyway we are told). Ramana Maharishi wasn't all the time intently focused on the individual sense of 'me-ness'. No, for him it was long gone and he lived naturally in expansive clear awareness devoid of separation.

So the second practical aspect of self-enquiry is this abiding as expansive clear awareness. The word 'practical' implies something to do but this is more of a non-doing. An effortless resting in presence which in itself catalyses further expansion. I would hazard an estimation that to the extent that we are free from the bondage of unconscious identification with 'me' is the extent to which our awareness is naturally able to expand in effortless being.

Andrew has contributed some useful comments describing this second aspect of self-enquiry which I reproduce here :

“Being present AS You (Pure Awareness)” versus “focusing awareness ON you (individual sense of me-ness)”.

So the book title, "Relax into clear seeing" is accurate. I was taught a helpful method - continually renewing the following: "I intend to be present" No trying, just renew the intention then drop it. It is non-intellectual and quite helpful. There is no diving per se, but there is a stopping of seeking and a relaxing into what is here and now. Then the sense of Is-ness becomes apparent.

In a similar vein, instead of straining our eyes to see something, let the light fall upon your eyes. Instead of listening to hear something, let the sound effortlessly enter your ear. This encourages innocence, innocent non-verbal perception, effortlessness, non-grasping of the senses.

So these two aspects seem to be different and I will draw a tentative conclusion that as long as they seem to be different then one would be well advised to cultivate both. Regularly giving exclusive attention to investigating with awareness this 'thing which feels like me', and the rest of the time, whether active or inactive, resting, in as much as we are able, in this expansive clear awareness.

I will hazard a guess that over time the distinction between the two aspects falls away until even the focusing of attention upon the increasingly subtle sense of 'me-ness' is occuring within expanded clear awareness.

Ultimately too, the sense of 'me-ness' will completely dissolve and then...... and then...... and then we'll just have to wait and experience it for ourselves but for sure something good will happen.

The above discussion is something I've been trying to get clear on for some time and what has been said seems to make sense at least for me. The practice begins with the effort of focusing attention on and isolating the feeling-sense of 'me-ness' and expands into effortless being in the pure unencumbered awareness that we already are.

who the hell am I?

2009-03-04T14:51:00.009+05:30

Well, it's been an intense couple of days. Between Monday and Tuesday I went to five Satsangs with four different teachers! They were Mooji, Big Tex (A.Ramana), Werner and a new one called Madhukar.

Like Mooji, Madhukar (a German man with a very shinny head) honours Papaji as his Spiritual Master. For those who don't know, Papaji was an Indian man who left the body in the late 1990's. For about the last 10 years of his life many many Western seekers came to him and it seems that quite a number had significant awakenings to their true nature and are now teachers in their own right. Papaji himself went through his Awakening with Ramana Maharishi at Arunachala back in the 1940's.

So during the first Satsang with Mooji on Monday I got some clarity about Self-Enquiry which I expressed in the previous posting 'the thing that feels like me'. That evening I went to Madhukar for the first time (he was only here for a couple of days and is gone already). I felt quite high awareness energy in his presence and he sits there a lot of the time in silence.

I had noticed that 'this thing that feels like me' is also an object of awareness so I asked Madhukar to help me understand the distinction; what is the true 'I am'? Paraphrasing, he said that there is no distinction; it is a continuum. 'I am' appears in an individuated form as that thing which feels like me and expands to infinity in increasingly higher levels of awareness.

Later on, while by myself, I reasoned that this continuum of awareness, like the electromagnetic spectrum, could extend ad infinitum in either direction, so then where is the end of it? It strikes me that any vibration is part of the manifest existence which, like the moon, has no light of it's own and only reflects the pure light of the unmanifest Self. No matter how refined awareness in vibration becomes there must still exist a subtle distinction (separation) between the perceiver and the perceived until such times as awareness is turned back upon itself and merges with it's own source as the ever effulgent Self of Pure Consciousness. The One without a Second.

The following morning I went for Satsang with A.Ramana and asked him many questions about Self-Enquiry trying to understand what is meant and to relate it to my own experience. It came to a point where, even although I only had one question left, he put the kaibosch on me saying that I ought to just do it rather than continually objectify it and ask questions about it. It was a slightly heated exchange and in the end I just had to shut up and close my eyes.

My ego was quite provoked feeling somewhat misunderstood, frustrated and even slightly resentful, however I did not take it too seriously and recognised the value of having a very obvious expression of 'me-ness' to watch in meditation. Later on outside in the second session someone asked a question about what the Sages describe as the unreality of the world. A.Ramana was espousing the typically Advaita Vedantic (the Indian school of non-dual philosophy) view that the world has no objective existence independent of ones subjective perception of it, such that when one goes to sleep the world ceases to exist and then springs back into existence upon awakening.

I found this objectionable and did not accept his arguments or assertion that unless one accepts the unreality of the world then one can never transcend it. I sat there quietly simmering and yet in quite an aware state. No-one was saying anything and then A.Ramana said that if anyone had any questions then they had better ask them now while there is the opportunity. After ascertaining that he was accepting questions and comments from me I expressed my disagreement. He said he can understand why I would find it hard to accept but never the less.......................

Afterwards I read a chapter he had recommended to the original asker of the unreality question and found that what A.Ramana was saying was almost verbatim what Ramana Maharishi had been recorded as saying on the topic. Ramana Maharishi also said that the really important thing is not whether or not the world is real but to find out to whom it is seeming to be real or unreal. That is also a message continuously affirmed by A.Ramana whose stated mission is to preserve and disseminate the pure teaching of Sri Ramana Maharishi.

In the afternoon I went to Werner Satsang and put the question of the stated unreality of the world to him. He said that in a way it is true if we consider from a quantum physics point of view that there is no such thing as solid matter - it is all just ghostly vibrations of energy popping in and out of existence. Really there is just some big interrelated energy field out of which our senses and mind create some sort of picture of reality. On the other hand, there does seem to be consistency and common ground to this experience of the world. He advised just to accept it as a mystery, as some kind of holographic magic show, and the best position to take on it is no position, honestly accepting that one does not really know how it is. The main thing again being to come back to the centre and reside in that pure awareness of now. Werner is good as he can talk from many points of view and gives answers which are easily related to.

Finally in the evening I went back to Madhukar. I had no questions and after taking a comfortable posture went into quite a deep or high state of meditation where I remained silently alert for the duration of the Satsang and for the sing-along afterwards.

This morning as I lay on the bed after a papaya breakfast I asked myself 'who is lying here?', answer 'I am', 'and who am I?'

'who is having these imaginations?' 'I am' 'and who am I?'
'who is enjoying this pleasure?' 'I am' 'and who am I?'
'who is suffering this misery?' 'I am' 'and who am I?'
'who is thinking these thoughts?' 'I am' 'and who am I?'

The questions are just a way to short circuit the thinking process and to invoke the sense of 'me-ness', continually redirecting awareness back to it; this 'me-ness' which is said to be the lynchpin which underlies the whole structure of ego-mind-body identification.

If I am understanding correctly then this is Self-Enquiry, which is said by the Sages to be the direct way to dissolve the illusion of separateness and whereby Self-Realisation becomes apparent. By consistently cultivating this enquiry the individual 'I am' eventually becomes purified from mind identification and merges back with it's source - the Pure Self.

So the way seems clear enough; all that remains is to apply it and see it through to its conclusion. Even the so called conclusion is not in our hands and is said to be an act of Grace whereby the Universal Self seemingly reaches down and lifts us up into a new way of Being. All we can do as apparent individuals with apparent free will is to do the best we can to be present and in making ourselves available and presumably sooner or later somethings gotta give. There is no telling how long it could take; it could happen this very instant or it could take a long time so I guess one of the keys is to find the balance between intensity and relaxation.

Once the job is done then life in all it's expressions is said to be experienced as a direct manifestation of the Self in motion. There is said to no longer be any separation between stillness and activity, subject and object. All is a play of Oneness. I guess that is something which has to be experienced to really know what it means.

So that's that. On to more everday topics, I mentioned before that I have a nice story to tell and some nice pictures to share which I intend will be the subject of my next post. Some of you will have received an invitation to join Facebook from me. The reason for that is that I intend to use Facebook to post a greater number of photo's than I am able to on this blog and maybe even some short movie clips. However in order to view that you will need to become a member which is actually very painless and easy. If you want it to the website will even do a search for you of all the people in your email address book who are already members and link you up. I was surprised how many of my friends were already members and am glad that I finally joined.

that thing which feels like me

2009-03-02T14:53:00.004+05:30

The following blog post is entirely devoted to the topic of self-enquiry. I will post another blog soon with more stories and pictures etc.

This thing about self-enquiry can seem a bit abstract with all of this looking for the 'I' thought. My friend Bill said a very helpful thing to me in an email, inspired as he was by ex-jailbird Satsang giver John Sherman.

What he said was to give attention to that thing which feels like me. That I found helped me as 'that thing which feels like me' is somehow more tangible and real than a fleeting 'I' thought.

'That thing which feels like me' is the internal feeling-sense of 'amness' or 'I am'. Mooji explained it well in his final final Satsang here this morning. Quoting Nisargadatta Maharaj he said that this feeling-sense of 'I am' is like a doorway or a bridge; on one side it leads to infinity and on the other it leads to the bondage of mind identification.

From this subjective feeling-sense of 'amness' arises the 'I' thought which identifies itself with externals. Mooji described the 'I am' as a chamelion being which takes on the colour of that which it identifies with. If it is identifying with the mind through the 'I' thought then the sense of who we are becomes dependent upon the self-image, situations and circumstances.

If on the other hand we give our attention to the pure sense of 'I am' (that thing which feels like me), not indulging in the habit of imaginations, then the sense of who we are begins to merge with the non-changing peace and inherent wholeness of the inner Self.

It is not a fight, thoughts will naturally come and go; the key is to patiently keep bringing the attention back to the pure sense of 'I am' when we become aware of our attention having wandered. With cultivation it is said to stablize until eventually nothing can overshadow it.

If that still seems intangible then a good way in is by meditating upon the natural flow of the breath in a similar manner. Once the body, mind and breath have settled down then one can turn ones attention towards the feeling-sense of 'I am'.

One can silently ask oneself the question 'who is sitting here?' or 'to whom are these thoughts occuring?'. Naturally the answer comes 'I am' or 'to me'. That is the clue; pay attention to this sense of 'I' or 'me'. One can then ask oneself 'and who am I?'. This is not an invitation to speculative thought but simply a device to maintain an alert and inquisitive focus of awareness upon this inherent sense of 'amness' - that thing which feels like me.

Generally it is recommended to set aside a period of time once or more a day to close ones eyes and give ones full attention to this enquiry (say 10/20/30 mins to start with). This sets the tone, then during the rest of the day to maintain an awareness of this inner 'I am' as best as one can and gradualy gradualy it becomes more established.

I just wanted to share that with you! :)

bringing out the big-guns

2009-02-27T15:36:00.008+05:30

G'day mates. All is well here. This morning I went to another Satsang with Arunachala Ramana, the Texan Big-Gun of Consciousness. I like him very much and as much as I like the others I have met here too (Mooji, Werner, Gaia etc.), Big Tex is high up on my favourites list.

His bi-weekly Satsang starts with an hour of silent sitting followed by an hour of Q&A. Then after an intermission we take chai (sweet indian spiced tea) out on the patio and have another informal hour of Q&A and sitting quietly together. All in the very peaceful setting of the AHAM ashram well away from the bustle of town. The 20min cycle there in the morning is very peaceful and pleasant and one passes many orange clad renunciants and monkeys along the way who are quietly going about their morning business along the shady tree lined mountain road.

There is not much doubt in my mind that Big Tex is consciously residing in the presence of pure consciousness (the Self) and is able to express very clearly and freely from there. Somehow he is not drawing the big crowds like Mooji which means that it is a much more personal and intimate setting where one can interact freely.

Big Tex is only here for another week, before returning to his North Carolina Ashram, and then it seems that Werner will be the only regular Satsang gathering in town (twice weekly) as he is living here year round. There may be the odd visiting teacher but basically the high season is drawing to a close as the heat starts to build and the Westerners start to thin out (I am fine with the heat so far). There is also a Indian Lady Saint here called Siva-Sakhti who gives silent blessings here twice a day; I have been there many times and she reminds me of Yoda as she is so tiny, self-possessed, silent, slow moving and graceful. One can imagine her showing another side if she had to get her light-saber out and put pay to some bad guys!

And of course there is Ramana Ashram and the Mountain itself which are constant beacon lights of Consciousness. Being here is like being in a powerful force field which is drawing all the beings back to awareness of the primordial Self. Big Tex reckons that Arunachala is the planets primary power place of Consciousness which draws more Self-Realised Beings to it than any other place on earth, and that is a view supported by the Indian scriptues and Ramana Maharishi himself.

The thing is this; at the root of our own sense of identity is this 'I' thought. Before 'I am this' or 'I am that' or 'you' or 'that' can arise they are all in reference to this primary idea of 'I'. The approach of Self-Enquiry is simply looking within and becoming aware of this 'I' thought at the subtle level of the mind. Under the steady patient gaze of awareness, and disallowed from spawning progeny, this 'I' thought eventually dissolves and gives way to the experience of the True 'I', the 'Self', which is ever at peace and non-changing. Repeated application over time cultivates steadiness in this natural way of Being.

Self-Enquiry is not the only way. Also held to be effective is direct association with Self-Realised Beings, and attuning one-self to their vibration by repeated subtle remembrance of them (name and form) with devotion; whether near or far, or whether the Sage is still in the body or not.

The Mountain is One; the pathways to the top are many and varied

All rivers lose their names when they merge with the Ocean

Aum Shanti

Good vibrations

2009-02-24T20:56:00.006+05:30

Got back from the docs tonight and I have a clean bill of health. He is keeping me off oil for another week, spicey for two, and a reduced dose of nutrients for a few weeks to support and detox the liver. Otherwise I am feeling fine and my health seems normal again.

Yesterday for Mahasivaratri I took a walk around the mountain with Sarah, who is moving on tommorrow, and stayed up late meditating and listening to the chanting. Didn't quite manage the all night vigil though. Earlier in the day I took my pocket knife to my hair and cut it all off - at least to about an inch long all the way around. I seem to have done a pretty good job and have been complimented on my new look, which also included cutting the somewhat bushy beard.

The hair had become totally knotted at the back - I could have kept it and it probably would have turned into one big dreadlock but I decided to sacrifice it on that Holy day instead and later on made a private ceremony of burning it which is harder than you think when it is all matted together. I'll try to hook up a picture when I get a half decent one.

So I went to Satsang yesterday with V Ganesan, who is Ramana Maharishi's grand nephew. I don't think that he'd claim to be realised but he is a very sweet man, now in his 60's, who has lots of stories to share from the experiences of many of Ramana's closest disciples. He was 14 when Ramana dropped the body and grew up in the ashram and has spent most of his life here. It was his last Satsang of the season so I just caught him in time.

Have also found another twice weekly Satsang with a Texan going by the name of Arunachala Ramana. They have a pretty nice ashram about 4km around the hill where he spends a few months of the year. He must be in his 60's also and has a great big Texan gut which he had trussed up with a pair of maroon flannel shorts pulled up past his navel with his tee shirt tucked in. Well obviously even spiritual realisation cannot help some people transcend certain limitations but aside from his dreadful fashion sense I enjoyed his Satsang and found him to be genuine enough.

Turns out that Mooji is still in town and is sharing a small Satsang tommorrow morning which I will try to attend. I think he's just been relaxing with his inner circle these last two weeks after several weeks of large public Satsangs. Also went to Werner's Satsang, the Swiss guy, this afternoon which was also good. Yes, there is plenty of Satsang happening in this town and a good proportion of it seems to be of a high quality.

Sri Shankaracharya, a legendary towering spiritual figure in Indian history, has said that Satsang (association with conscious free beings) is the best raft with which to cross the ocean of Samsara (misery). The Universal Self is One. It is the same in me as it is in you and everyone else. Any genuine realised spiritual guide is only a messanger, a channel, for That - our true inner nature of freedom, love, bliss and awareness. The presentation may be different but it is the same wine in different bottles. I enjoy asking them all questions and absorbing the good vibrations.

Amazing Grace

2009-02-21T20:56:00.004+05:30

Hi all and thanks for all of the birthday wishes. Well, not content with being mauled by the ashram dog this body-mind entity went on to contract a nasty dose of Hep A. That is a food/water carried virus which attacks the liver. Supposedly I was innoculated against it in late 2005 but to no avail.

So last Sunday night was safely one of the longest and most seriously unpleasant of my life. It started off with the squits and moved on to fever and chills. At this point the mind was quite serene but later on I was doing it tough. There was vomiting, cramps, joint ache, headache, incredible abdominal pain and many visits to the loo. To make it worse I was out of water and so became very dehydrated. Mind also became feverish and it felt like I had no sleep at all and spent the entire night in suffering; mentally ranting about the injustice and futillity of it all.

Well thankfully all things come and they go. After 5 days of house arrest on doctors orders, a no salt/oil/spice diet, and a smorgasborg of liver supporting nutrients I'm feeling much better. I was very weak for some days and still wracked by frequent abdominal pain, never daring to stray too far from a toilet, but today have been granted going out privelages and after assessing my blood and urine tests tommorrow, the doctor will prescribe me a new more liberal regieme. Luckily for me I'm in a good place and the the ashram staff are looking after me very well.

So that's that. My involuntary imprisonment wasn't too bad and I got in plenty of rest, reading, contemplating and got to know some of the ashram inmates somewhat better. Funnily enough, one morning I went to the dining hall and there sitting beside me was Sarah, a friend from Ashram Yoga in New Zealand. I knew it was only a matter of time before something like that happened.

I think that one of the benefits of this episode, aside from copious amounts of physical purification, was just being happy to be by myself whereas before I had still been struggling a little with feelings of isolation.

Monday night is Mahasivaratri which is a major Hindu event. The Great Night of Shiva at the mountain which is his embodiment. There will be much walking around the hill and staying up all night meditating/chanting going on with all of the tens of thoasands of pilgrims who will come.

On another note, I have figured an easy way to generate email notifications for anyone who wants it when I have posted a new blog entry. This will save you having to randomly check in for new reports. So if you would like to avail yourself of that service then just drop me a quick note and it shall be done.

I plan to definitely stay put until at least the middle of March, after my final rabies injection and the full-moon. After that I don't know.................

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Now is the Knowing; Eat the cake.

2009-02-12T16:23:00.008+05:30

Well happy birthday to me, it's my 34th birthday today. I have been hanging out a fair bit with an American girl Rosie whom I met at Mooji's birthday party. I thought that I might have some dinner with her tonight but it seems she has gone to Pondicherry for a few days so I am celebrating on my own at the moment which is ok with me - no pangs of loneliness at this time. Rosie is mutually in love with a man in the US so it's not that, we are just friends.

It's been over a week since I wrote so a quick run down of some highlights : renting a pedal bike for US50c a day, it gives a lot more freedom and mobility which I like and also makes the gauntlet of passing the many beggars much easier. A couple of times now I have riden around the mountain which only takes an hour or so to do. A few days ago on the full moon there were tens of thoasands of barefooted Indian pilgrims walking around the mountain at night - I went too but wore my shoes this time and went by the road.

Here's a good one : I got bit by Jackie the dog and now have a one inch gash on my left thigh. I continue to break in and out of the ashram compound at night time after curfew but it wasn't that. I was playing with him on the roof and he got over excited and got me on both legs wrecking my good yoga pants. The dog has been immunized against rabies but I am getting the shots anyway just as a precaution and watching carefully for any frothing at the mouth and fear of water. Rabies is fatal so if I die from it nice knowing you all, but I think I will be alright.

Been continuing to go to Mooji Satsang most mornings as well as a couple of other meetings. Mooji is leaving here after Sunday so that will be the end of an era and will leave a big space in my day for other things to happen. The others were smaller groups; one with an Ozzy woman called Miranda who seems to specialize in helping people to release emotions in the presence of Presence. The other is a German guy called Gaia who is very low key and ordinary. Actually from his Satsang one day a couple of pennies dropped. Seems very simple but the realisation was that no matter what thoughts or feelings are arising they are always arising in the now and if one looks, the now is always ok. The other was a seeing of the subtle striving for some pleasant or deep experience in meditation/silent sitting which is a rejection of what is actually happening now. The upshot was a deeper acceptance and peace in the now.

It's simple to say these things but to have an actual experiential recognition of them is something else. No flashing lights or internal explosions just a mellowing into what is. Insights and experiences like that come and go and there's no point in holding on to them or being disappointed when they pass; or rather when the clouds of thought identification temporarly obscure the sun once again. There seems to come a time when nothing can shake the Realisation of Being but that seems to happen only when it is ready to.

My friend Mike from the UK asked me to put a question to one of these 'oracles' here at Arunachala. The question was along the lines of if 'Enlightenment' is the end of the illusion of being a person then who or what remains to know that 'Enlightenment' has happened or is no such self-reflection possible?

I put the question to Gaia and the answer which arose was along these lines: We think that we are a person with particular patterns of thought but that actually the person we think we are is nothing more than these patterns of thought. We are not a person with patterns, the person is the patterns; we are the Awareness. The sense of personhood which we experience, the 'I-ness' of our thoughts and feelings, is only a borrowed reflection from the pure 'I AM'; the Beingness, the Awareness within which all experiences happen and which is aware of experience.

When Realisation dawns then these patterns of thought are seen to be arising within Awareness and they no longer have the sense of 'I-ness'. So any thought which arises in that state such as 'I am now Enlightened' would have no meaning or significance. Then what is aware?

Awareness or Beingness itself is aware. That can be hard to comprehend since we are mostly identified as being a person but I suppose it could be said that the sense of identity has now opened into the dimension of Beingness itself. If our current sense of 'I-ness' is only a borrowed reflection from this pure 'I AM-ness' then what to say of the real thing? It is beyond the mind and therefore beyond the minds capacity to comprehend (other than a few concepts about it). It can only be an experience and yet it is the very 'thing' which makes awareness of experience possible. Perhaps all that can be said about it is that there is a deep sense of Knowingness which neutralises all of these questions? I don't really know.

What motivates action and gives coherence to the remains of such a one? Enlightened intuition? Spontaneous action guided by some higher power? From the standpoint of the mind then it is all open to speculation so so so so so? Maybe better just to eat the cake.

Well, for anyone who is still here after all that, until the next time......................

doldrums and fresh winds

2009-02-04T15:13:00.003+05:30

It seems like a long time since I last wrote. I went through a bit of a downspell there where there was much frustration, boredom, restlessness and doubt. All of this seeming denial of any reality to the ego-self seemed all a bit oppressive and repressive to me. Doesn't the individual personality need to go through certain experiences, expression and growth before the time comes to Realise True Nature as Universal Self? Isn't there a danger of thwarting this growth if one is constantly questioning the reality of ones own existence?

The moment was upon me and I took this question in front of Mr. Mooji after sitting there mentally cursing the whole thing for some days. After a bit of an exchange it became clear to me that all of this paralysis of analysis stuff I was experiencing had it's roots in a fear of making mistakes and an expectation of a state of Being where everything flows naturally and rightly. There may be such a way but in between times one has to function somehow. Mr. Mooji playfully dealt with me and suggested that I give myself full permission to make mistakes. Make as many as I can. It's ok to be human and there's nothing wrong in the joys and sorrows of it all.

I lightened up a bit after that. It doesn't seem to help to get too serious about all of this stuff and maybe, just maybe I can tend somewhat in that direction sometimes. Afterall Beingness is supposed to be a state of freedom; not a heavy burden.

I had been feeling a bit isolated as this is a kind of inward meditational town and where I am living has a guideline of 'noble silence' so not much scope for socialising there. Compound this with the fact that I am not necesarily always the most naturally gregarious of people then it is a bit of a challenge sometimes for me to make new connections. I'm not talking about superficial social exchanges, but really meeting someone in a way which is nourishing; without social masks or protection mechanisms.

What most people would consider as a natural human desire was being compounded by all of this self doubt, judgement and questioning; it's just the ego, it's neediness, any relationship coming out of that is not real and destructive etc. etc. blah blah. This is the mind 'I' have to contend with so I am having to learn to be more light hearted about the whole thing of this life.

Went to another couple of Satsangs. One is on going twice weekly in the afternoons; that one I like very much. It is with a Swiss guy called Werner who seems to have been living in India for many years. He gives a very lively and playful expression to it all and thankfully doesn't deny that some persistant limiting ego-conditions do have a momentary relative reality and may need to be given some attention to release them rather than denying them and pushing them away. He says keep coming back to be present; either directly if one can to awareness of Being or through some anchor such as awareness of the natural breath. By keeping on coming back when awareness is lost then the tendency to Beingness (freedom from tyranny of mind) is strenghtened. Some patterns of mind may be persistant in seeming to pull us out and some of these may need some investigation somehow to release them.

The other 'guru' I went to see has an ashram a few hours away and seems to give evening talks here periodically. I didn't really like it at all. He was saying many of the 'right' kind of things but I was wary of him and couldn't help feeling that something wasn't quite right. The next day I overheard some girls telling another that they sometimes secretly put psychadellic drugs in the food there. Presumably if someone has some kind of 'cosmic' drug experience then they may attribute it to the power of the guru and hence perhaps falling into the trap. I don't know if any of that is true but certainly if I were a false guru looking to drum up some more wealthy western devotees then I would certainly think of coming to a place like this.

Had to do my wall climbing adventure again last night as I went to a musical fund raising event for a local dog hospice (100's of strays everywhere). Keeping in theme my ascent and descent were complicated by the fact that Jackie the guard dog was on duty. Fortunately I was already friends with the dog and after some reassuring pats and sniffs through the gate I was able to very carefully get inside the compound without triggering off a cachaphoney of barking and mauling. And yes, had I been wearing a kilt or an Indian dhoti then I would have to had been extra cautious about getting my dangly bits caught on the broken glass, although had something been severed I'm sure Jackie the dog would have made an appreciative quick tasty snack of it.

the wheel keeps on turning

2009-01-30T14:21:00.003+05:30

Deciding to track down a few local Guru's, yesterday I went to an Ashram of a certain Yogi Ramsuratkumar which is just around the corner from my new abode. I came to India armed with a guide book to the 'Yogi's, Guru's and Ashrams of Sacred India' which outlines some details about various characters and places to visit for the Western Spiritual Tourist/Seeker.

The thing is the book is over 10 years old and so I found that Yogi Ramsuratkumar and a certain 'Bench Swami' were both long since dead. That came as a surprise but I enjoyed the Ashram anyway. It's a fairly big place with a meditation hall for 500 and an auditorium the size of a football field and yet there were only a few people around although I'm sure they get a bit of a crowd on special occassions.

The Yogi was very much in the Bhakti tradition in that his path was immersing himself in the continual rememberance of God's name and in Surrendering himself to 'the will of my Father'. In India God comes in many flavours and persona's which is not so unusual if one considers God to be Infinite. Anyway Yogi Ramsuratkumar seemed to have been a very joyous and childlike sort of a character and there is a feeling of joy and peace permeating his earthly abode.

In Indian heritage there is every variety of religion and point of view. Some hold God to be non-existent; some to be an Eternal Divine Person; some that it is an infinite impersonal cosmic intelligence; some that we in our true nature are not different from God and everything inbetween. Some viewpoints are liberal and inclusive whereas others are more dogmatic and exclusive. All co-exist together here in a rich and diverse tapestry alongside modernity, holy cows, diesel fumes, honking of horns and plastic garbage strewn all over the place.

There is also every variety of conmen here too, no doubt, including beggars, beggars dressed as holymen and many others who see a chance to try and scam a living off of the comparitively rich westerners. And yet, despite all of the unpleasant aspects I like it here very much and of course there are many very poor people in genuine need as well as some real Swami's too I expect.

My new accomodation is the best yet in a quiet and peaceful ashram set well back from the road and far from most of the traffic noise. Although basic and much paint peeling it is a clean airy place with a serene atmosphere. In the mornings there is some chanting in praise of the sacred mountain Arunachala Siva. The young brahmin boys are chanting the verses and we come in on the chorus. I like a bit of a sing-song so I am happy to join in although it does go on for a bit so I'm thinking I'll tend to slip in for the last half an hour most times.

Last night I went to Sri Mooji's birthday celebrations where with well over 100 people we had a sumptuous Indian meal followed by music and dancing. Social dancing is still a bit challenging for me but I am gradually mellowing to it over the years. As someone commented to me, 'it is rare to see a Scotsman up on the dance floor without alcohol being involved'. Influenced by the large South American contingent there was lots of that passionate Latin kind of music and naturally Bob Marley made an appearance or two which answered a previous question - no spliff's though. Since I missed the 9.30pm gate locking curfew at my new ashram home I had to climb over and jump from the 8 foot high boundary wall with broken glass on top to repel invaders. No arteries were severed, no limbs broken and no dogs were woken as I slipped to my room unnoticed.

That's it for now, until the next time.........

day by day

2009-01-27T16:05:00.003+05:30

Namaste everybody. The last few days have seen a few internal ups and downs as is to be expected. The space in the well was always there but in excavating the space many rocks are sure to be encountered, however all is well.

I've continued going to Sri Mooji's Satsangs in the mornings and enjoy them very much, finding no conflict with my exisiting approach. I find him to be a wise, compassionate being who is able to relate to people on a very human, inclusive and equal basis.

Today I went up in front and asked some questions. In the anticipation my heart was beating fast and yet there was a calm. I asked him questions relating to self esteem and self realisation, readiness for realisation, my own experience of self-enquiry and how to end personal suffering. There was no cataclysmic eureka moment when I was up there but I feel he gave me good answers.

To summarise; there is no real pattern of readiness for realisation, Consciousness or the Self has it's own agenda. During my own session with him and in the following sessions I found a great affirmation that there are many valid pathways to Truth and in the expression of Truth, each with it's own flavour. There are devotional feeling centred pathways and there are mind centred knowledge pathways.

Finding myself somewhere in the middle of that spectrum, and having tasted several viewpoints, can lead to a good deal of confusion. Somehow, I felt a healing of different aspects of myself and a renewal of faith.

One of the core idea's that has plagued me is that somehow I am responsible for waking myself up. Surely there is a place for this but in the end how can the illusionary self dispell itself? I felt a relaxation and a deepening of trust that there is a Higher Power to which one can take recourse and in that find rest from the never-ending demands of the ego-mind. Surrender if you will.

An all-inclusive Higher Power which is both within and without.

Life proceeds day to day. I am generally waking and doing some yoga things for the body and breath and then passing the day with Satsang, eating papaya, drinking fresh coconut juice and spending time at the Ramana Ashram in the meditation hall or circumambulating in the shrine room with devotional or vedic chanting going on.

Sometimes there is stillness, sometimes there are pleasant feelings and sometimes there is restlessness or agitation. I try to take it all as it comes.

what medicine do you give a ghost with toothache?

2009-01-24T15:54:00.002+05:30

Hello everybody. Well this morning I was in a rather pensive and grave state of mind. I've been following quite a rigourous schedule of meditation and avoiding any socialising. I could be accused of having the tendency to go all out for something and then ending up despondent.

I realised that I am getting too serious and trying to get Enlightened all at once. I think better to take a leaf from the tortoises book and make steady progress rather than repeating the crash and burn syndrome. Therefore I decided to lighten up and take the foot off the accelarator. I decided I would be more social, relax a bit and perhaps get involved in some of the music and dance events that happen here from time to time.

Also I had felt reluctant to visit any of the other teachers in town out of a concern of diluting or adulterating my meditational journey here. They say it is better to dig one deep hole in a good place rather than digging lots of little shallow holes if one wants to hit the gold seam. Well I feel that it does not get better than this place or Ramana's teaching. Of course Truth is where-ever we are but as far as conducive places go this must be the cream.

Anyway I thought it would be ok to visit other teachers so long as I am clear in my own mind about what I am doing and not getting into chopping and changing which just leads nowhere. So this morning I went to see a certain Sri Mooji. Mooji had come recommended to me and his teaching is in the same line as what I am 'doing' here at Sri Ramana Ashram.

The basic teaching is that we are not what we think we are. Our true nature is the pure Beingness which is beyond thought. When we are at home in that then all is well. When we identify ourselves with thought then we suffer. Identifying with thought means defining ourselves as this or that; I am an engineer, or I am a road sweeper; I am a success, or I am a failure; etc.. When we Realise our true nature as Being then we are free from these limitations and experience unconditional fulfilment. Enlightenment is the final, profound and irrevocable realisation of this although there may be many tastes and a gradual transition along the way.

So I went to Mooji's Satsang (Satsang is good company, usually with a teacher). Mooji is a middle aged Jamacian born Londoner. He feels he has Realised his true nature to such an extent that he feels ready to share with others, helping them to the same. Actually there were many people there, well over 200 mostly Westerners, and I couldn't get into the hall so sat with many others in the shady downstairs outside section listening on a speaker. The general format is people will come in front of him and ask a question. His answers are guiding people into that wordless experience of their own Beingness here and now.

In Satsang, the energy or presence of the teacher, coupled with the collective energy field of the group, is very helpful for cultivating that experience in the individuals through a kind of resonance or osmosis effect. Ones own Being is there all of the time as the I AM presence preceding thought but may be experienced more clearly in an environment such as this. The 'trick' in Satsang is not to get caught up in intellectual debate or commentary but to open up silently to the ever-present reality of our own true nature. Of course if there are doubts they should be raised and cleared.

Sri Mooji emphasised giving our attention to this I Am presence such that it grows and becomes more and more firmly established in us so that eventually it is there all the time and undisturbed by outside events. It is not that we gain it, we already are it. We just have to cease giving energy to the false identifications which seem to block it's experience, much like the clouds are blocking the sunlight. Resting in the simplicity of our true nature as I AM. There may be more to it than that but that is the foundation, the ground.

So that was that. I found it good and relaxed into it. Mooji is quite a hearty huggy sort of a person and afterwards he came down and many people wanted to go up to him for a few private words and a big warm hug. Clearly there was a lot of genuine affection between them and many people are relating to him as their personal teacher or Guru. I don't know how he would stack up against Ramana Maharishi (not that it is a competition) but from where I sit he seems genuine in what he is sharing and really is a big Jamacian teddy bear.

I stayed around afterwards to observe how he was behaving and how people were relating to him. I didn't go for a hug but just as he was about to leave on his moped he gave me a big smile and a wave. I don't feel a need at the moment to have any formal relationship with an external teacher but I appreciated Sri Mooji's energy and approach. He is a nice man.

mountain madness

2009-01-22T20:13:00.002+05:30

The feet and body are fine. The adventures were taken in a good humoured spirit. I feel little or no inclination to move away from here or to stray from the pure waters available through Sri Arunachala and Sri Ramana Ashram. Meditation continues to deepen and intensify in a natural way. Everything is going well.

Sri Arunachala

2009-01-21T20:15:00.004+05:30

The Mountain here is considered sacred by the Hindu's. Arunachala is said to be the embodiment of Shiva (Pure Consciousness/the Self) and to radiate a powerful spiritual vibration. It is considered very good to make the ascent of the mountain and also to go around the base in a clockwise direction.

Yesterday morning at 6am I made my way up to the top in the traditional way with bare feet. The ascent of the 800m peak took me 2 hrs and as I had not actually planned to go up I had no water or food with me and had not yet taken breakfast. Luckily there was a tour group there at the peak soon after me and the pleasant guide offered me some Chai (very sweet spiced tea). The French group also shared some small snacks with me.

We sat together in the shade of a ramshakle tarpoline/bamboo hut at the top which, up until 2 years ago, had been the abode of one Swami Narayana who had meditated continuously up there for 16 years with very little in the way of food or water. The guide used to attend the Swami and bring him some milk and things until the Swami felt it time to move further south to Kanyakumari. On the way down, I allowed myself the concession of wearing shoes and some more French people offered me water which I gratefully accepted.

The mountain is majestic, quite rocky and greener than I expected. There used to be leopards, elephants and other large wild animals wandering around but they are now long gone. The top commands an amazing panoramic view of the surrounds although it was a bit hazy that morning. The very top is blackened and sticky from the annual nov/dec ceremony of the Jyotir Lingam where they light a massive column of fire which burns for days, fed by 2000l of ghee, celebrating the sacred origins and spiritual potency of the mountain.

This morning I decided to complement yesterdays ascent with a walk around the base. I set off barefooted at the still dark 6am only this time with some water, fruits and sun hat. The initial section of the path starting from the back of the Ashram is quite difficult and not very clearly defined. The ground was very stoney and even thorny in parts which made it quite hard going in barefeet. There were even frequent thorny bushes which caught my clothes and hair and one time I had to cut my head loose with my pocket knife.

Ramana had said that one should go around like a woman in the 9th month of pregnancy; that is very slowly and deliberately. Well there was little choice in the matter and after being inpaled with some sharp thorns in my foot I thought this is ridiculous and seriously thought I would have to abort - hoping that this was not analagous to my spiritual journey. After some respite I remembered that I had some socks with me (shoes were left behind) and thought these might offer some protection. I thought this fair enough as most Indians who have done this are probably used to walking bare-footed and have soles of the feet about half an inch thick.

Sure enough, the socks helped to make it bearable and I proceeded on with the 14km trek. Soon after the path became easier and more clearly defined with painted markings on the rocks. I went along steadily keeping my mind fixed in a meditative way with the repetition of mantra (the mind is not yet residing effortlessly in Silence so some focus helps). The rest of the journey went smoothly enough through quiet rural and scrub land, although I hadn't counted on having to do the last couple of kilometers through the busy town which has encroached right up to the mountain on one side. Regardless, I maintained my inward focus and completed the circuit only stopping to buy a fresh coconut to drink and to give some poor old woman the change.

The whole journey took me 4.5 hours and my feet, although intact, were aching quite a lot and had several little thorn splinters embedded in the soles. I'm not sure if it's the same deal as with taking a dip in the Ganges (that spiritual liberation is assured) but anyone who is mad enough to walk 14km around the mountain bare footed just might be mad enough to get Enlightened (sooner or later).

I spent the rest of the day within the Ramana Ashram taking my meal, an afternoon nap followed by tea, a reading, vedic chanting and some meditation time in the old hall. My four days are almost up and I have arranged some other accomodations nearby for the next 6 days. Now I will be living outside the Ashram I will attend some of the other meditation meetings and events around town with various teachers although I intend to keep cultivating a strong inward focus so my socialising will be kept to a minimum.

I will still be able to attend the Ramana Ashram, just not for meals or for sleeping. It's a very peaceful place with peacocks, dogs, monkeys and at least one cat wandering around freely. The food is very nice South Indian cuisine served up on banana leaves, sitting in rows on the floor and eating with the fingers. That's quite a long blog post this time but it was two days worth. I confess that next time I climb the mountain or go around the base I shall probably be wearing shoes. Time for bed.

Sri Ramana Ashram

2009-01-19T15:26:00.003+05:30

Hi all, well I have arrived in Tiruvannamalai which is clearly a major Mecca for spiritual seekers from all over the world. There are many many western as well as indian people here attracted by the Sri Ramana Ashram, the sacred mountain Arunachala and the diverse spiritual type scene which has grown up around them.

For those who don't know Sri Ramana Maharishi is a highly regarded Indian Sage of the highest order. He came to this area as a16 year old boy after a spontaneous major spiritual awakening and stayed here for over 50 years until his body passed away in 1950. He never sought an audience but many people came, attracted by the magnetic presence he emanated which drew them powerfully inwards towards the experience of their own innermost Being - the Self.

He mainly shared in silence but when verbal teaching was requested he generally advised the ancient method of self-inquiry which involves inwardly posing the question 'Who Am I?' as an aid to cutting through the false identifications of the mind which cloud over the ever present experience of our true inner-most nature. Not an intellectual excursion but a turning of the awareness back upon itself towards it's source in Pure Beingness.

That may not make a lot of sense to some people but puts it in a nutshell. My own experience here is that there is a palpable inner (if not always outer) silence which can be felt, particularily in the old meditation hall where Ramana sat with people for many years (haven't been up the hill yet). I feel it like a dissolving process, an inner quieting which suits me very well. I can see myself spending quite a bit of time here.....................

There is quite a bustling town of around 100,000 people here which is not particularly attractive. The Sri Ramana Ashram is on the outskirts but there is still a fair bit of bustle and traffic noise (which in India includes a lot of horn tooting) nearby. Regardless, this is a special place. I am staying within the ashram for a few days where I intend to really focus on the ashram routine itself. After my alloted stay is up I will find other accomodation nearby and will explore the wider scene somewhat. There seems to be a real smorgasborg of various guru's and socialising going on.

I don't intend to get too distracted by all of the excitements but will certainly have a look since I am here.

On another note, the countryside approaching here is very beautiful. Without knowing too much the people seem to be living a very simple and traditional agricultural life. They may not have much materially but I imagine their lives could be quite peaceful and satisfying. That is in stark contrast to some of the filthy, disease ridden squalor I saw in Mumbai - not that it is all like that. Also got chatting to a couple of nice Indian fellows on the 4 hr bus ride here.

Space Yoga

2009-01-18T10:14:00.002+05:30

Went to dinner last night and half way through two Indian gentlemen come and sit at my table (place was busy). One looks in his 50's and the other maybe around 30. I see they have a book with some yoga postures on front so I say 'Yoga!' and point, 'I do Yoga' I say. The young one tells me that the other is a Yoga Master no less. I saw 'oh really' and pay my respects. Anyway they were pretty happy to talk to me and of course I impressed them with my knowlege of Sanskrit Yoga words.

This guy says he is into 'Space Yoga' where we can visit the other planets in our meditation. He also say there is a big mountain coming to crash into earth in 3-4 years. He is publishing his book in 2 months which will go all over the world (he says) and teach us all 'Space Yoga'. Then we can avert the catastrophe with the power of our minds by psychicly changing the meteors course otherwise we are all done for. He says we were destined to meet and I will help him spread this teaching.

I say 'maybe'. Sounds all a bit doubtful and cuckoo to me but you never know. No doubt big mountains have struck the earth before and will again over the aeons of time. If all else fails we can always send up Bruce willis and his team to do it the good old american way.............

Chennai

2009-01-17T10:13:00.007+05:30

Arrived in Chennai yesterday afternoon after a 27 hr train extravaganza. It wasn't the most comfortable 27 hrs of my life but I survived. Even without a/c the temperature was generally fine and my travelling companions amiable. Mostly they couldn't speak any english and my indian is not too great either (actually there are 16 main Indian languages). There were about 8 of us in the little section and I had 3 english speaking encounters over the journey. Mainly with a young computer student dude who was very happy to have a chance to practice his english lingo.

Very cheap ride - it cost 390 ruppees (about $8US) which was about what I was paying for accomodation in Mumbai. If I had gone a higher class I probably would have had more chance of communication with my fellows and also less beggars coming on board at every stop. It's quite confronting to have guys with deformed limbs, or little dirty poor kids or blind amputees beseech you for money all of the time. Some people say it is better not to encourage them but to give to charities instead which help them in the long-term, but it is hard to ignore them - especially when they can be so persistant - and so often times I give them some small coin if I have it.

Staying at a good cheap, fairly clean place in Chennai. Almost half the price of Mumbai for a proper room, about twice the size, with a small ensuite shower/toilet. Cold water showers BTW.
Had breakfast with a French dude who has been coming to India for six months of the year for the last 5 years. He isn't into ashrams or anything he just likes it. He was retired and his wife dead so why not says he. That's the kind of lifestyle I would like - the travelling part I mean.

Chennai feels more relaxed to me, not so intense as Mumbai. I stay here one more night and then onwards to Tiruvannamalai tommorrow (only 3.5hr bus ride this time). Andrew and Tim posted me a recommendation to go to a big Hindu temple NE of here (Tirumala Venkateswara Temple) which, according to wikipedia, is the richest and most visited holy place in the world. Sounds interesting but it will have to wait as I'm making a B-line for Ramana Ashram where I have a booking from 18-21 Jan. Other places of note around Chennai are the international headquarters of Krishnamurti, The Theosophical Society and Krishnamacharya Yoga all of which in one way or another have had a global impact on world spirituality. Although again, maybe later...........

Making Tracks

2009-01-15T10:49:00.001+05:30

Have booked my train ticket to Chennai leaving today at 2pm and taking more than 24hrs. I got a cheap sleeper ticket - could have paid 3-4 times more for a/c etc. but since I'm trying to make my money last for 6 months then took the budget option - I hope that I don't live to regret it! either from a comfort point of view or from whom I will be sharing the carriage with.

Slept much of the day yesterday catching up with myself then went out later for some food. On the streets I got offered to buy hash at least six times. Not that I'm into it but if I were then the risk is a few years in an Indian jail which I'm sure wouldn't be pleasant.

Have been staying in a budget 'room' these last two nights. A windowless box about 2m by 1.5m with a bed, ceiling fan and a light. The 'room' has an open ceiling and separated from the other rooms by frame wooden panel walls so you can hear what everyone is up to. Cost about 5pds which is about as cheap as it gets for a single room in Mumbai but I understand that it can be quite alot cheaper elsewhere in India.

Met a french canadian dude at the train booking office this morning and hung out a bit. He's cycled around much of SE Asia and other places. Well that's it for now. Will get onto putting some phot's up sometime although haven't taken any yet.

First impressions

2009-01-14T09:52:00.000+05:30

Hello and welcome to the first entry in my first blog. I've been in Mumbai, India now for one day. It's a pretty noisy, busy, hot, humid, delapidated sort of a place with lots of colonial buildings, beggars and hucksters on every corner. I didn't expect to be over enthralled by the city itself but no doubt it has it's charms if one were to take the time. For me I intend to be heading south in the next day or two towards the Ramana Ashram, inland and south from Chennai. I'm looking at the train option which takes 24hrs but with a sleeper carriage and sight seeing opportunities might not be too bad. I'm still a bit jet-lagged and finding my feet on unffamiliar territory. Might go for a mid morning nap now. Until the next time.............